thanks for reading
Have you considered talking to a counsellor?
I seriously doubt you caused your sons autism.
However, some of the stuff you are describing sounds pretty horrible to live with. You sound remorseful and sad. I would encourage you to seek counseling to work through the guilt and shame. And give you better parenting skills. I'm pissed reading this. And sad for your boy.
He might not seem like he is there, but he is. ABA therapy would be worth looking into. A specialist can give you some pointers and help you break through the barrier. Don't keep pushing him away.
And autism can be present from birth. The crying all the time might not have been colic but some sort of sensory issue going on.
I am so sad. Just crying reading this. Just terrible.