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Cast Your Vote:

    • Be a SAHM -- Votes: 40
    • Get a job -- Votes: 14
ZoeysMum 1 child; Arizona 827 posts
6th Nov '12

<blockquote><b>Quoting

Ryloonjimama Australia 18851 posts
6th Nov '12

It's probably time to just agree to disagree. Some people think a mother being there for her child as a main priority, some have a different perspective. It doesn't mean that we don't all know what's best and if everybody could just have what was best with no worry in the world, I'm sure they would.

Ryloonjimama Australia 18851 posts
6th Nov '12
Quoting
Nessy, Nova, and Bam Due March 4 (boy); 18 kids; 1 angel baby; Spokane, WA, United States 5241 posts
6th Nov '12
Quoting Ryloonjimama:" I didn't say you don't know anything, but you clearly have no experience about what it means to have ... [snip!] ... it means to have a special needs child. She's going to need one on one care and attention. That can't be provided by a daycare."

THANK YOU. People seem to be forgetting the fact that she has Down Syndrome here :roll: She needs to be worked with everyday with her physical therapy and exercises, something that most likely won't be able to be provided at a daycare, where they have many other children who also need their attention. Not to mention all of the appointments and things I have to take her to, i'm sure the daycare will be able to take her to her doctor's appointments for me too, right? :roll: Having a child with special needs is a lot more work than just having a baby without special needs.



And people seem to overlook the fact that I said I am very willing to get a job IF she DOESN'T get SSI. I am asking if I should be a SAHM IF she gets approved for SSI, which could be around $700 a month at the most.



I had plans. When I was pregnant, no one would hire me. I tried looking for work but I showed really early and no one would hire me because I was pregnant. I planned on getting a part time job and going to school. But those plans changed the moment the doctor told us after she was born that she thought she might have Down Syndrome. She needs a lot more help then a regular baby and she has needs that need met that a regular daycare probably wouldn't be able to do for her. I want to do what's best for her. You can say all you want that I am choosing to stay at home, and that i'm lazy, but i'm not. Having a child born with DS is no freakin walk in the park, and i'm doing everything I can to make sure she gets everything she needs and has the best learning environment possible (which includes the private therapy we're trying to get her into, payed for by the SSI) so she has as little learning delays as possible. This is not as easy as you may think it is.

bia. 2 kids; ., ., Portugal 74908 posts
6th Nov '12
Quoting Nova and Nessa's Momma:" THANK YOU. People seem to be forgetting the fact that she has Down Syndrome here :roll: She needs to ... [snip!] ... her into, payed for by the SSI) so she has as little learning delays as possible. This is not as easy as you may think it is. "


So she does have DS? I remember reading one of your threads I think it was when she was first born.



My heart goes out to you darling, it cant be easy. <3

ƒideℓis ϟ 1 child; Cherry Hill, New Jersey 5085 posts
6th Nov '12
Quoting Ryloonjimama:" I didn't say you don't know anything, but you clearly have no experience about what it means to have ... [snip!] ... it means to have a special needs child. She's going to need one on one care and attention. That can't be provided by a daycare."


http://www.care.com/special-needs-seattle-wa-p1049-q1943706.html



Just saying....

ƒideℓis ϟ 1 child; Cherry Hill, New Jersey 5085 posts
6th Nov '12
Quoting Brittney Ivanov:" <blockquote><b>Quoting
ƒideℓis ϟ 1 child; Cherry Hill, New Jersey 5085 posts
6th Nov '12
Quoting Nova and Nessa's Momma:" THANK YOU. People seem to be forgetting the fact that she has Down Syndrome here :roll: She needs to ... [snip!] ... her into, payed for by the SSI) so she has as little learning delays as possible. This is not as easy as you may think it is. "


Like we said if you're okay with living off of the government with no financial security...go ahead. That's your problem. You better just hope and pray nothing happens to either you or you SO to where you need the extra money.

Nessy, Nova, and Bam Due March 4 (boy); 18 kids; 1 angel baby; Spokane, WA, United States 5241 posts
6th Nov '12
Quoting bia.:" So she does have DS? I remember reading one of your threads I think it was when she was first born. My heart goes out to you darling, it cant be easy. <3"

Yeah, we found out about 2-3 weeks after she was born if I remember correctly.

Nessy, Nova, and Bam Due March 4 (boy); 18 kids; 1 angel baby; Spokane, WA, United States 5241 posts
6th Nov '12
Quoting
user banned 33 kids; Blytheville, Arkansas 7534 posts
6th Nov '12

This ended up turning into a complete and total pissing match.



The main thing here is that babies with DS need as much structure as they possibly can. It is absolutely essential to her development and keeping her on track to have the same schedule, care, and people in her life every day. At a daycare, she would have to see new faces, workers and children, on a daily basis, and that kind of over-stimulation can hinder development so badly. I've seen kids that couldn't talk at 4 years old or kids that weren't potty trained by 6 just because that didn't have that EMOTIONAL stability.



Jessi may not be the best off financially, but as long as they have ANY kind of money and she is able to stay at home, I would suggest that she do that. A basic daycare is NOT going to be equipped enough to handle Ness. They won't be able to train people specifically to deal with her, and it is very rare that physical therapists make daycare visits. They need to work with one or both parents as much as possible to keep the baby confident and steadily maturing.



As for them taking advantage of loans...it is a LOAN. He'll have to pay that back WHEN he has a career. That isn't taking advantage of anyone as far as I'm concerned....it's borrowed money, not "free" money.



She's talked about her tribal money in the past. They're practically a family. Even IF something did happen (knock on wood) she and her family would be able to find ways to work it out. She has cultural help that a lot of us can't even begin to identify with.



Even if she gets SSI, and the state pays for the daycare, the money wouldn't be worth giving up Nessa's emotional needs. I'm glad that most of you sound like you've never had to deal with a child with special needs, but it's not just about finding a good daycare. No daycare is good enough to replace the stability that comes from constant care and love from a familiar face.

Ryloonjimama Australia 18851 posts
6th Nov '12

<blockquote><b>Quoting

user banned 33 kids; Blytheville, Arkansas 7534 posts
6th Nov '12
Quoting Chroma Hex [+1]:" This ended up turning into a complete and total pissing match. The main thing here is that babies with ... [snip!] ... good daycare. No daycare is good enough to replace the stability that comes from constant care and love from a familiar face. "


Besides, unless all of Ness' appointments, physical therapy visits, and doctors visits are the same day and time from week to week, it'll be hard for her to keep a job anyway. Most employers need at least two weeks notice on days off or scheduling problems. If she can't be a reliable worker (no offense Jessi!) because of Nessa, then they'll find someone who is. It'd be much better for everyone if she could work, but everyone might as well be saying it would be better for everyone if she didn't have DS. That may be true, but nothing can change that fact, and it sounds like these guys are doing the best that they can to find a happy medium between ALL of their problems.

ƒideℓis ϟ 1 child; Cherry Hill, New Jersey 5085 posts
6th Nov '12

<blockquote><b>Quoting Nova and Nessa's Momma:</b>" So i'm supposed to drive across the state every day I would have to work to get appropriate child care? ... [snip!] ... can do for my baby and my older daughter is to stay home and raise my kids myself, instead of having someone else do it for me."</blockquote>




I only read the first paragraph but the point was that there are specialized day cares out there. So you can't say that a DS child wouldn't fit well in a nursery. Obviously you would put your own zip code in there. I don't know your city so I just did a general search of Washington.

ƒideℓis ϟ 1 child; Cherry Hill, New Jersey 5085 posts
6th Nov '12

<blockquote><b>Quoting Ryloonjimama:</b>" <blockquote><b>Quoting