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I need advice.... *LONG* -Kd.[[021311]] 1 child; Andalusia, Alabama 468 posts
8th Nov '12

I always feel strange about asking strangers for advice esp since I have no idea how to describe the situation...
But none of my close friends are parents and the ones that are well they are either in relationships wiith their baby daddy and have been since day one or... they got pregnant off a fling so there was never feelings there, so they really dont understand the situation.
Anyways, me and BD started dating as soon as i was allowed to date. So he's the only guy i've ever been with and all that sappy stuff. Our relationship has never been easy he's cheated ect.. I was done done with him after this huge fight we had then 2 days later I found out I was pregnant... just my luck... so i felt like I had to be with him... well right after my daughter turned one he went to the beach for a week with all his buddies, I was invited but couldnt go because i had work and wasnt confortable leaving my LO yet even for a night so i didnt go. Well when hes gone he doesnt call doesnt text... NOTHING. He comes back and the first thing he does is call me, well obviously i'm pissed so it starts an argument, he then tells me he met a girl while there & he plans on continuing to talk to her, we where engaged at the time... yea. So a week passes and he starts appologizing and we continue to meet up and see eachother, i'm obviously still hurt so we arent together but we are being civil. two months pass and he flies out to see this girl. NOTE, he doesnt pay child support and doesnt pay for ANYTHING his daughter needs but he can fly out to see this girl?! He comes home, starts saying hes sorry again ands wants me and LO back in his life, I want my family SO bad so of course I start seeing him again... Well on fathersday I go by his house to drop off his fathersday gift, and whos there?! the girl from spring break, my heart is crushed. I raise up a big argument match so this girl can hear the whole thing, that hes in a relationship with BOTH of us, he denies it tells her i'm crazy and she doesnt believe it. Well that was the second day she was down. On the 4th day he starts calling me, i'm over it i dont answer. He litterly follows me around, comes to my house and sits in my yard making sure i come home alone. Well he texts and calls all day the next day too i dont answer, I'm hanging out with friends and he pulls up and pretty much makes me talk to him, after a long night of him crying.(he NEVER cries) I give in and tell him i'll try "us" one more time. Well she cant catch a plane till the following tuesday so she has to stay with him since she doesnt know anyone down here. (she lives in Ohio we live in south alabama) so once she finally leaves we carry on our lives together, after about a month we decide neither of us are happy and we split. We both start seeing other people and he goes back to the girl from ohio, I didnt take the breakup well... i cried and cried i was heart broken, he was my first and only everything and now we have a kid together? bout the time I finally get over him & i mean this took like 6 months, we were still meeting up but not together, i had finally cut him off i didnt call i didnt text, i dint text him back, i was done... and actually happy. I mean when i was alone i still missed him buti didnt think about him all the time. Well he flies out to see this girl again & on the plane ride back he starts calling an texting me again... leaving me voicemails about how muchhe missed me and such, i didnt give in. Well.... about 2 weeks later I got a phone call from his best friend saying they needed me to come talk to him because he was going to kill himself, I told them he was just lying to get me to meet him. They finally talked me into going to see him just to make sure, when i found him he was passed out on the ground. He had over dosed. The ambulance came it was pumped out of his system, seeing him like that broke me, he begged me to stay by his side at the hospital so i did. He did all that just because i wouldnt be with him. Well all that was a month ago, we decided to work things out, we havent had any problems actually everythings been perfect, hes been trying to be an amazing dad and an amazing boyfriend to me.... But, i'm not happy, i dont feel the same about him, I care about him but i'm not in love with him anymore, after all hes done to me, after him leaving me alone for so long. all the lies, i just dont know...
I keep telling myself to just give it time and it'll all come back... but it doesnt. Neither of us are the same people we where when we met at 14. I'm miserable. But, i feel like if i leave it will be my fault my daughter has a split home.): And I just want her happy and him happy. but how do I get happy? Hes so afraid i'll leave him, if i dont reply back to him after a few minutes he flips out. He's so possesive and i cant hang out with my friends wihout him around. He's told me if i left him he'd ruin my life & my reputation... idk what to do. half of me wants to stay and half of me wants to never look back.Before the suicide attempt Him and the girl from Ohio where talking about moving in together, they were looking for houses and he was looking for a job up there... they havent even known eachother a year and have only seen eachother 4 times, me and him have NEVER lived together and weve dated for 4 years known eachother for 6, i cant get over that. He loved me but he was going to up and leave me and his child.... huh? He was willing to do that to be with her yet, not for us? I'm in college now and I feel like I never got to experiance other things, ive been tied down my whole life almost... I dont want to regret that later... smh. I know this is kind of all over the place but i really need some advice.

Samantha ~ 18 weeks Due September 14; 1 child; Rhode Island 4868 posts
8th Nov '12

I'd ditch him. Its not good for you child to see her father treat you like crap. I actually can't believe you want back to him so many times...




Oh and you can't just stay with him because your afraid he's going to kill himself if you leave, that's not a healthy relationship at all.

E'M Shikari Due March 10; 1 child; 1 angel baby; Preston, United Kingdom 1747 posts
8th Nov '12

Personally? I'd let him have a relationship with his child, but not with me. If you aren't happy then the relationship wont work. It sounds like it is already pretty much over in your mind. I hope you make the right choice.

John Mayer. 2 kids; Modesto, California 21992 posts
8th Nov '12

Honestly, I think you're better off without him. Sounds like the reason he is afraid you'll leave him is because of a guilty conscious. He knows how easily he did it to you, and knows what he's done, so he knows that it's possible to be done to him. If you aren't happy, then you aren't happy. You cannot say you didn't try, you have multiple times. Having a family is important, but having an unhappy, unhealthy one isn't good for anyone. Especially not your child. YOU need to be happy, too.



I'm sorry you went through all that, but it sounds like you're ready to move on. And I think you should.

Niki-Mae Due January 6; 1 child; New York 25 posts
8th Nov '12

Sounds to me like you already know what to do, your just scared to do it. Which means so matter what someone tells you to do you wont do unless you get the courage to do it yourself. You know hes not right for you. If hes not right for you, hes not right for your daughter. The whole "keeping the family together" thing really erks me! Ive been there believe me! If your not happy, your daughter cant be either. With how this guy sounds, it wont be good when ur daughter gets older and sees u two fighting and how bad he is. It will give her a complex on relationships and men herself. I was in a terrible situation thats very close to ur situation with my daughters father around the same age and time as well and i ended up leaving him. It was the hardest thing i had ever done, but if i hadnt, my daughter wouldnt be the happy little girl she is today, and i wouldnt be married the most amazing man ive ever met! You can do this, you know what u need to do. Dont use ur daughter as an excuse, she needs you more than this guy, that obviously will keep cheating even if it takes him a year to do it again. Plus, hes possessive and jealous. Which means even if hes not cheating he will still make ur life a living hell. Get some support from family or friends and keep away from this man! Good luck hun i wish u the best!

3tomama Los Angeles, California 484 posts
8th Nov '12

Sounds like you need to leave him. She can sense when you aren't happy. It isn't you fault she will grow up in a broken home sometimes things just don't work out.

Ronnie RadKat 3 kids; Arizona 21133 posts
8th Nov '12

He sounds very unstable and potentially abusive. Run, don't walk away from this relationship.

TabathaLynn Martin Due December 28; Japan 27 posts
8th Nov '12

I think you should let him be a part of your daughters life (as long as he being SANE about it) But you need to get away from him. Hes dragging you down and its not healthy for you or your little one. You cant let him hold it over you that he will kill himself or harm you if you leave him. Hes being controlling and that might lead to physical abuse if you dont get out while you can. Cant make love happen, its there or its not and in this case, i definitely do not think its there. Move on and find someone that is going to love AND respect both you and your little girl.

-Kd.[[021311]] 1 child; Andalusia, Alabama 468 posts
8th Nov '12
Quoting Samanthaaaa ♥:" I'd ditch him. Its not good for you child to see her father treat you like crap. I actually can't believe ... [snip!] ... can't just stay with him because your afraid he's going to kill himself if you leave, that's not a healthy relationship at all."


Tell me about it, and this is just AFTER baby, young and dumb i guess.... Always had that dream of being with the same guy my whole life.

-Kd.[[021311]] 1 child; Andalusia, Alabama 468 posts
8th Nov '12
Quoting Ellie Shikari:" Personally? I'd let him have a relationship with his child, but not with me. If you aren't happy then ... [snip!] ... then the relationship wont work. It sounds like it is already pretty much over in your mind. I hope you make the right choice."


but, i know he's going to ruin any potential relationships... what then? I'm seriously scared of him and what he might do. This last time we split and he found out i was hanging with someone else he told me "you'll never live to se Kinlee(LO) grow up"

Mc Lovin 17 kids; United States 14750 posts
8th Nov '12

I didn't finish the whole story, but I got to the part where you're still with him after him OD'ing, but you're not happy. My advice would be get out of there as soon as possible! He's clearly not emotionally stable, and you guys don't stand a chance in hell of lasting as long as he's that emotionally manipulative. That's not good for you or your little one. Tell him to get his shit together for his kid. And as far as you go... you deserve to be happy. Don't let him keep sucking you in a bringing you down.

Ronnie RadKat 3 kids; Arizona 21133 posts
8th Nov '12

<blockquote><b>Quoting -Kd.[[021311]]:</b>" but, i know he's going to ruin any potential relationships... what then? I'm seriously scared of him ... [snip!] ... last time we split and he found out i was hanging with someone else he told me "you'll never live to se Kinlee(LO) grow up""</blockquote>



Leave and get a restraining order, he is threatening you and emotionally manipulating you. He is not a well person

-Kd.[[021311]] 1 child; Andalusia, Alabama 468 posts
8th Nov '12
Quoting Keyboard Warrior.:" Honestly, I think you're better off without him. Sounds like the reason he is afraid you'll leave him ... [snip!] ... to be happy, too. I'm sorry you went through all that, but it sounds like you're ready to move on. And I think you should."


but, how do i know i'll be happy leaving too?

-Kd.[[021311]] 1 child; Andalusia, Alabama 468 posts
8th Nov '12
Quoting Spencer Pratt:" <blockquote><b>Quoting -Kd.[[021311]]:</b>" but, i know he's going to ruin any potential ... [snip!] ... Leave and get a restraining order, he is threatening you and emotionally manipulating you. He is not a well person"


what if he hurts himself or someone else? I know it sounds like i'm just making excuses to stay, but i've thought long and hard about this and i dont know if i could live with myself if something happend just because i wanted to be happy. Seems selfish.

E'M Shikari Due March 10; 1 child; 1 angel baby; Preston, United Kingdom 1747 posts
8th Nov '12
Quoting -Kd.[[021311]]:" what if he hurts himself or someone else? I know it sounds like i'm just making excuses to stay, but ... [snip!] ... about this and i dont know if i could live with myself if something happend just because i wanted to be happy. Seems selfish."


No, HE is the selfish one for emotionally blackmailing you. It's not your fault if he tries to hurt himself to get to you. Get out, get a restraining order, get shot of him. If he is making threats to you then he doesn't deserve you.