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Lost a Parent?? I am the Walrus TTC since Oct 2012; 1 child; Texas 9194 posts
8th Nov '12

Have any of you lost a parent suddenly and tragically? I lost my dad, who I lived with at the time with my son, in a house fire in September. It took them four hours to locate him because he wasn't in bed.




At first, handling all of my dad's affairs, I wasn't able to stop moving, so I think I never took the time I needed to grieve properly.. I was on the go, constantly, for a good month. Almost every time I closed my eyes, I saw him trying to get out of the house and not making it out in time. It has slightly subsided the last month, but I still fight my own thoughts. I'm constantly reliving the events of that day.



What did you do to help you cope and move past the tragedy aspect of the situation? Is it normal to constantly relive the events and go over it again and again?

s00nt0b04 Due April 23 (boy); 3 kids; Louisville, Kentucky 477 posts
8th Nov '12
Quoting I am the Walrus:" Have any of you lost a parent suddenly and tragically? I lost my dad, who I lived with at the time with ... [snip!] ... and move past the tragedy aspect of the situation? Is it normal to constantly relive the events and go over it again and again?"


I relive my dad's accident a lot especially around his bday, father's day, the day of his accident.



I try to talk about it but not a lot of people know what it feels like to suddenly lose a parent.



I'm catholic so I try and go to confession when I can. It's hard and it's been 5 yrs since his death. I try to go on and be happy and do the things I know he would be proud of me for doing.



I am sorry for you loss.

Damien*Dex*Jaidyn's Momma 18 kids; Pennsylvania 1535 posts
8th Nov '12

I am extremely sorry for your loss. I have not lost a parent but I do know what you mean about the not having time to grieve. I lost my first son at 32 weeks pregnant and I swear from the time stopped feeling him move until I delivered my second son which was 10 months later it was just one big blur. If that makes any sense.

Andi+Andy=Marley+1 2 kids; Fredericksburg, Virginia 4564 posts
8th Nov '12

I lost my dad last month but it wasn't sudden. Cancer got to him. I haven't felt the need to greive because I didn't really know him. I hope you can learn to move on in your own time. If you feel like you can't do it on your own try talk to your family or see a therapist. I'm very sorry about your dad.

Nut ღ Meg Beverly Hills, CA, United States 40237 posts
8th Nov '12

I'm so sorry for your loss. :( May your dad rest in peace.



I lost my mom almost 4 years ago. She died suddenly of a heart attack. I handled my moms estate and like you, I was on the move constantly for months trying to tie up the loose ends to all her bills and affairs.



As far as grieving goes, I was able to begin grieving after I closed the estate, a little less than 6 months later. I ended up talking to a doctor because I couldn't get passed her death.... I would cry constantly. I'm able to talk about her now without breaking down into a uncontrollable emotional mess. I do have dreams of that night often, still. I think that is fairly common . . .



It takes time. Everyone grieves differently also. Do you have any friends you can talk to? Maybe seek out professional counselling? It really does help if you can find the right person to talk to. I wish you the absolute best. :hugs:

SoonToBeRubysMum Due January 27 (girl); Sydney, Australia 21 posts
8th Nov '12

Sorry for your loss I know its hard, I lost my mum and dad with in 6 months of each other befor falling pregnant. I was very close to my dad and felt like he had taken me with him when he died I kept so busy so I couldnt think and feel the pain, But when it caught up with me I was able to grieve I questioned lots of things played the days events over and over and thought what could I have done to have saved him.
with my mum I hadnt seen her for 3 years and I knew she was sick just not how sick she was and the last conversation I had my mum hardly knew who I was I got angry at her and then a few days later I got the call and I still havent been able to get pass the guilt of not knowing and being there for her.
I now just wish they were both here so they could meet there grand daughter in jan I would give anything to see there faces. whats scary is both my parents were only 46.
Chin up darl eveything will be ok and it does get easier.

Devil Duckie 3 kids; New York 48700 posts
8th Nov '12

I'm sorry for your loss.



My mom died very suddenly when I was 21. it wasn't completely unexpected as she was very sick, but it took me a long time to get over it. She's been gone about 13 years. I miss her, but I'm not constantly crying anymore. It's just part of my life now.

I am the Walrus TTC since Oct 2012; 1 child; Texas 9194 posts
8th Nov '12

Thank you all for your responses. I guess it's pretty normal to relive it at this point. I am lucky that I have lots of family and friends that I can always talk to or go to for any reason. I suppose time will help me heal.




Again, thank you all. And I'm so sorry for your losses as well. :(

castaway 2 kids; Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania 18763 posts
8th Nov '12

First of all, I am so sorry for you loss.




As far as what you asked about, I lost my dad to Lou Gehrig's disease, but it was sudden and unexpected because it happened just 6 hours after my mom took him to a respite home for a weekend so she could get a little break from being his sole care giver. We thought they knocked his oxygen line loose, or something, that it didn't seem possible to lose him when there was no sign of it. He died alone. Without us.



I still relive the moment of when I received the call. It was 3 years ago last month, and the best I can tell you is that the nightmare of reliving the intense grief is normal, and will slowly (note very slowly) fade with time.



**hugs**

ByeByeByeDone Neuhausen am Rheinfall, Switzerland 1551 posts
9th Nov '12

I'm sorry for your loss :( Wish I knew of a way to help. xoxo

I am the Walrus TTC since Oct 2012; 1 child; Texas 9194 posts
9th Nov '12

Thank yall.