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SO wants to party still...like...a lot. jenjenbaby3 Due June 20 (girl); 2 kids; Gibsonburg, Ohio 50 posts
9th Nov '12

I'm 9 weeks and stressing. My SO has been mostly supportive during this pregnancy but he will not stop b*tching that I'm trying to "change him" because I don't approve of his partying lifestyle now that I'm prego. Partying as in drinking to get drunk daily, messing around with a few drugs, etc. UMMM forgive me, but why WOULD i approve? Sure, I did my share of barhopping and drinking until I got pregnant. And i'm not even asking him to stop drinking. He drinks at home every night and I dont' care. It's when he goes to the bar or has friends over and they get WASTED and are complete morons and SO annoying. And he keeps saying that he needs to "de-stress" and that partying is how he releases. Well, how does he think I feel? My only way to de-stress is to sleep basically because i am completely exhausted 24/7 since I am in my first trimester. I am also quitting smoking, down to just a few per day, and he tells me HE needs to de-stress. B.S! I am the one under all the stress. Sorry that you don't have your drunk party girl anymore...but I am still fun, silly, and easy going. He just acts like it's the end of the world because I won't give him "permission" to do whatever he wants to do. I tell him to go out without me- but he won't do it if i don't go with him. I think it's because he doesn't want me to go out without him once the baby's born. He is SO selfish, I swear. HELP!

The Doctor 2 kids; Whiskey Dick Mountain, WA, United States 59940 posts
status 9th Nov '12

So, wait. You're pissed off that he goes out without you...




But won't go out without you, when you tell him to?




I'm lost.

Snow 1 child; Storybrooke, ME, United States 34017 posts
9th Nov '12

If he thinks he's stressed now, wait until baby gets here. He sounds ridiculously immature.

Not tellin 3 kids; Montana 55983 posts
9th Nov '12

You are 29 with 2 other children. A 12yr old and an 8? yr old. What on earth would make this man think that it is still party time? I would like to think that he does live in the same home and understands the concept of family ect....



I honestly don't know what to tell you. I had my girls when I was 29 and my husband was right by my side. He didn't "party". He quit chewing and drinking when I got pregnant. I had to change my life so he jumped aboard. I guess it is a matter of priority and maturity. Is it possible that the two of you are on different pages related to your bouncing hormone levels?

jenjenbaby3 Due June 20 (girl); 2 kids; Gibsonburg, Ohio 50 posts
9th Nov '12
Quoting The Doctor:" So, wait. You're pissed off that he goes out without you... But won't go out without you, when you tell him to? I'm lost."


Sorry for the confusion...I'm not mad that he goes out without you... I'm mad because he wants to PARTY...all the time. He doesn't see this as an issue.

The Doctor 2 kids; Whiskey Dick Mountain, WA, United States 59940 posts
status 9th Nov '12
Quoting jenjenbaby3:" Sorry for the confusion...I'm not mad that he goes out without you... I'm mad because he wants to PARTY...all the time. He doesn't see this as an issue."


Hm. Is this his first child?



I would try and talk to him about it when you're both calm, and maybe come up with some fun things you could do together to destress, without drinking and partying.



Part of me does want to say he should have some time to go out and do whatever, but, the other part of me understands that you are stressing.... and it shouldn't be an every day thing.

jenjenbaby3 Due June 20 (girl); 2 kids; Gibsonburg, Ohio 50 posts
9th Nov '12

This is our first child together. He has other children with his ex wife and they come every other weekend. I agree that he should have time to himself, but I don't like him coming home drunk as hell or asking me if he can do *ahem* lines...........then getting mad at ME because I used to not care. I'm pregnant now and have had 2 miscarriages in the last few years. God forbid something happen and he be too drunk, puking, or passed out and not able to take me to the ER....

Bri + 1.5 <3 Due October 20 (girl); 1 child; Florida 4350 posts
9th Nov '12

Men...I swear they never grow up. My SO used to party down. I had to lay down the law with him & find him something else to do that in a man's eyes would be just as fun. To "de-stress" he plays video games hours on end...yes it's extremely aggravating especially when I wanna lay down & watch a movie, but I would much rather him be doing that then be out partying & getting drunk everyday. Don't get me wrong, he still does hangout with his friend & drink on occasion which is fine with me. He doesn't do ot nearly as often & I think the world of him for that. Especially since partying was such a big part of his life for so long.




I say he needs to find a hobby. Yeah, it could be just as annoying but at least he would be at home with his family instead of partying & missing time with his kids.

The Doctor 2 kids; Whiskey Dick Mountain, WA, United States 59940 posts
status 9th Nov '12
Quoting jenjenbaby3:" This is our first child together. He has other children with his ex wife and they come every other weekend. ... [snip!] ... last few years. God forbid something happen and he be too drunk, puking, or passed out and not able to take me to the ER...."


Hm.



It's very sticky... because honestly, if you didn't have an issue before, I understand why he's upset that NOW you care.



I understand why you do, but I think maybe you two need to sit down together and have a conversation about it. Not you telling him what to do and not do-- but both of you talking, you letting him know the whys and wherefores of you not wanting him to go out all the time, and asking him why he is wanting to do it constantly.

jenjenbaby3 Due June 20 (girl); 2 kids; Gibsonburg, Ohio 50 posts
9th Nov '12
Quoting Not tellin:" You are 29 with 2 other children. A 12yr old and an 8? yr old. What on earth would make this man think ... [snip!] ... of priority and maturity. Is it possible that the two of you are on different pages related to your bouncing hormone levels?"



It's not possible. LOL. He still wants it to be fun and games and as laid back as I am, I don't think that him getting wasted daily is appropriate.

The Doctor 2 kids; Whiskey Dick Mountain, WA, United States 59940 posts
status 9th Nov '12
Quoting jenjenbaby3:" It's not possible. LOL. He still wants it to be fun and games and as laid back as I am, I don't think that him getting wasted daily is appropriate."


Okay-- so I hope this isn't mean to ask.... but if he has two kids and still does this, why would you expect him to be any different with a 3rd?

Not tellin 3 kids; Montana 55983 posts
9th Nov '12
Quoting jenjenbaby3:" This is our first child together. He has other children with his ex wife and they come every other weekend. I agree that he should have time to himself, but I don't like him coming home drunk as hell or asking me if he can do *ahem* lines...........then getting mad at ME because I used to not care. I'm pregnant now and have had 2 miscarriages in the last few years. God forbid something happen and he be too drunk, puking, or passed out and not able to take me to the ER....


Ok, call me snarky or bitchy but WHY would you want a man like this in your life around your existing children let alone father another!?!?!? To me, this is a total no brainer.



I would say at this point, you aren't going to win this battle and it is something you probably should have taken in consideration before trying to expand your family. If he is that much of a "party" boy, there are larger issues on the table rather than just him being around while you are pregnant.

jenjenbaby3 Due June 20 (girl); 2 kids; Gibsonburg, Ohio 50 posts
9th Nov '12
Quoting The Doctor:" Okay-- so I hope this isn't mean to ask.... but if he has two kids and still does this, why would you expect him to be any different with a 3rd?"


The two kids i already have aren't with him. I have joint custody with their father so they are at our house every other week.

We did not plan this baby, but are getting married in February and were going to ttc then. That's another reason i am SOOO confused.

Not tellin 3 kids; Montana 55983 posts
9th Nov '12
Quoting jenjenbaby3:" The two kids i already have aren't with him. I have joint custody with their father so they are at ... [snip!] ... not plan this baby, but are getting married in February and were going to ttc then. That's another reason i am SOOO confused."


Like I said, his behavior has been going on for a long time. This is 100% who he is. A party boy who enjoys getting "lights out fantastic". A pregnancy (planned or not) doesn't cause someone with clear dependancy issues to drop a pin and be sober Johnny Church goer.

The Doctor 2 kids; Whiskey Dick Mountain, WA, United States 59940 posts
status 9th Nov '12
Quoting jenjenbaby3:" The two kids i already have aren't with him. I have joint custody with their father so they are at ... [snip!] ... not plan this baby, but are getting married in February and were going to ttc then. That's another reason i am SOOO confused."


"This is our first child together. He has other children with his ex wife and they come every other weekend."



But... he still has kids. He's still acting like this, correct? Whether you were going to TTC now or later, he has kids (and still acts this way) and YOU have kids that come around (and he still acts this way). Now do I have it figured out? So, my question must stand. Why would you expect him to be different when YOU are pregnant, when he already has kids of his own, and you have kids of your own, and he still acts like this?