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Thinking about another man Nancy Botwin 2 kids; Pennsylvania 2182 posts
11th Nov '12

Please do not quote.




Let me start by saying I love my SO, he has come such a long way since we first got together. He is a good provider, father, and my best friend. I have never and I will never cheat on him. But I can't get another guy out of my head. I have known him forever. He comes in the bar that I work in. Nothing ever happened between us. He always calls be beautiful or says we will end up together. It's flattering and I admit I enjoy the attention, but nothing more. He always asks me to stay after work and have a beer with him, I never do. But I always find myself thinking about him. Once I realize I am thinking about him though, I remember that he is a drunk, and spends most of him time in my parents bar.




Has anyone else ever been in a situation like this? How do you stop thinking about another man? Is this normal? I've been with my SO for over 3 years and never thought about somebody else before this.



I feel guilty. I don't know why I feel guilty because I never did anything wrong, but I can't help it.. :(

Colt's mommy 1 child; Moore, Oklahoma 21501 posts
status 11th Nov '12

I have been in that situation, but the guy was also married. I don't have any tips for you for not thinking about him, other than what you already said, remember why you're with you SO and why the other guy is a bad idea.

user banned (boy); 2 kids; Fucking, Austria 36337 posts
11th Nov '12

I have only been with one guy ever.. my SO.



So, I admit that I have had "crushes" on other guys before. Especially when me and SO were going through a rough patch. But, I KNOW I would never act on it.. and I eventually got over it.

Gir! 2 kids; Ohio 7504 posts
11th Nov '12

I have done this and would never cheat either. I would start associating him with pain ALWAYS because he is after all a drunk and you are in a committed relationship. Try not to let him flatter you. Try to create some adversion (sp?) to him and eventually this can pass

Nancy Botwin 2 kids; Pennsylvania 2182 posts
11th Nov '12

Was it frustrating for you? I feel like terrible!

Andi+Andy=Marley+1 2 kids; Fredericksburg, Virginia 4564 posts
11th Nov '12

No need to feel guilty. I've thought about other men too. Usually the cure is to stay away from them. Out of sight out of mind (eventually). I know you really don't seem to have that option either. Find something wrong with him. For me, an easy turn off is nose hair. Lol. Nothing wrong with a harmless fantasy though.

Nancy Botwin 2 kids; Pennsylvania 2182 posts
11th Nov '12
Quoting Gir!:" <blockquote><b>Quoting Nancy Botwin:</b>" Please do not quote. Let me start by saying ... [snip!] ... committed relationship. Try not to let him flatter you. Try to create some adversion (sp?) to him and eventually this can pass"


I try this. Sometimes I ask about his little girl and that helps.

user banned (boy); 2 kids; Fucking, Austria 36337 posts
11th Nov '12
Quoting Gir!:" <blockquote><

can you unquote her?

Nancy Botwin 2 kids; Pennsylvania 2182 posts
11th Nov '12
Quoting Andi+Andy=Marley+1:" No need to feel guilty. I've thought about other men too. Usually the cure is to stay away from them. ... [snip!] ... Find something wrong with him. For me, an easy turn off is nose hair. Lol. Nothing wrong with a harmless fantasy though."


Beer gut! lol. It's nice to know I'm not alone.

user banned (boy); 2 kids; Fucking, Austria 36337 posts
11th Nov '12
Quoting Nancy Botwin:" Was it frustrating for you? I feel like terrible!"

It made me feel like shit... But, deep down in my mind I know I wouldn't act on it. So it was more like a fantasy, I guess?

Gir! 2 kids; Ohio 7504 posts
11th Nov '12

<blockquote><b>Quoting ℳary ℐane:</b>" can you unquote her?"</blockquote>




Oops >.< sorry, habit

Nancy Botwin 2 kids; Pennsylvania 2182 posts
11th Nov '12
Quoting ℳary ℐane:" It made me feel like shit... But, deep down in my mind I know I wouldn't act on it. So it was more like a fantasy, I guess? "

Fantasy is a good work for it. Thank you :)

Colt's mommy 1 child; Moore, Oklahoma 21501 posts
status 11th Nov '12
Quoting Nancy Botwin:" Was it frustrating for you? I feel like terrible!"


I felt really bad and conflicted at first but I guess I kind of got used to it. It was a guy at work, so there was no option to stay away.

SavageDarling 3 kids; Webster, Massachusetts 10381 posts
11th Nov '12

I've had crushes on men in the 7 years I've been with my husband. But I never feel guilty, it's a crush and what my husband and I have is so much more than a crush. I know what I feel for him isn't going to change, hes perfect for me, but a crush will fade eventually and i know I would never act on it, so I don't worry about it.
My husband has a crush on one of my best friends, she's absolutely stunning and really smart and funny, and I'm a little bit bi-curious so I get it. I know he would never act on it and I know she would never do that to me so I don't worry about it. I just tease him when he gets flustered or starts blushing around her. Lol if you know you would never act on it, crushes are harmless in my opinion.

Gir! 2 kids; Ohio 7504 posts
11th Nov '12

For me it was an ex. I had to keep reminding myself that got obsessed with sexual acts and it was at a time right after I was raped. Still have feelings because he did treat me like a goddess and was my best friend first, but he has a protective girlfriend now and I'm still technically married