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Finding confidence Bai & Delilah's Mom 2 kids; Duncanville, Texas 1153 posts
13th Nov '12

I have none anymore.
I refuse to have sex without a shirt on. The lights have to be off. How do you find confidence in yourself?



Hes the only guy ive ever been with so even though ive been sleeping with him for 4 years, I still have no idea what im really doing. Hes been with 4 other girls. He complains that I dont please him but he doesnt really tell me how too. I told him what he needed to do but I get nothing.



I dont have confidence... And it sucks. I feel like a stupid shit. It used to be really explosive when we were younger but now... Ehhh.

Phf- ee bee;) Due January 26 (girl); 18 kids; Pennsylvania 5310 posts
13th Nov '12
Quoting Bailee & Delilah:" I have none anymore. I refuse to have sex without a shirt on. The lights have to be off. How do you ... [snip!] ... confidence... And it sucks. I feel like a stupid shit. It used to be really explosive when we were younger but now... Ehhh."


Him TELLING you that you dont please him, probably doesnt help your confidence - but if he doesnt tell you what he wants/how to do it.. that wont help :(

Not tellin 3 kids; Montana 55983 posts
13th Nov '12
Quoting Bailee & Delilah:" I have none anymore. I refuse to have sex without a shirt on. The lights have to be off. How do you ... [snip!] ... confidence... And it sucks. I feel like a stupid shit. It used to be really explosive when we were younger but now... Ehhh."


You don't "please him" and yet you have 2 children. Perhaps a night with out kids and some freedom to explore will enhance your sex life.



If you don't love yourself nobody will. Look in the mirror and remind yourself of the wonders that your body has accomplished. While you will never look like an airbrushed model, you are beautiful. If I can take off all my clothes infront of my husband (trust me sugar, I have plenty I should be hiding) and know that regardless of what I look like he still loves me and I him, you should be able to do the same. NOW, with him talking ugly like that.... It is time that you pick up your boobs, shove them in a bra and let him have it! Tell him that you are not there to "please" him. Remind him that there is more of you than just that area and tell him that if he wants something more and new in the bedroom, he needs to be able to TELL YOU what he wants. If he can't tell you what he is looking for, it is all out of mean spirit and again, you let him have it. You gave birth to 2 children. You can do anything!!

Tasha & Nika Due December 22 (boy); 1 child; San Jose, CA, United States 16049 posts
13th Nov '12

I'm sorry he's putting you down - that's a start to getting some confidence in yourself, stand up to him, he has no right to belittle you like that.



Be honest with him, tell him that sex is emotionally grueling to you because you are so insecure, ask him to be patient with you, and to help you understand what he likes instead of criticizing you without constructive feedback

Bai & Delilah's Mom 2 kids; Duncanville, Texas 1153 posts
13th Nov '12

I told him.
He goes babe, you are beautiful.
I told him he didnt make me feel like that.



He just always wants BJs. I told him one: never done one, so I dont know what im doing. and two: I cant even brush my teeth without choking. Haha



I used to feel amazing naked around him but after delilah it just changed. Its just different now since we are always busy. I just hate my boobs the most, my stomach doesnt bother me.

Derp Due January 10; 1 child; Camp Lejeune, NC, United States 11613 posts
13th Nov '12

Sounds like you guys really need to sit down and talk about this. Have you thought about counseling? Bringing in a third party to help you guys sort your feelings out can work wonders.



Sex is a huge part of any relationship and it's important that you have a healthy sex life where both people are happy or it can lead to other issues. (I know that sounds a bit dramatic but it's true for most couples... When they stop enjoying sex it usually signifies some trouble.)



Tell him exactly how you feel. Make a list of things you want in bed and have him do the same. Sit down and share your lists together. If you're comfortable with it ask him to show you some porn that has a couple doing something he finds sexy and wants to try and you can do the same for him. Hell, just watching porn together can be a huge turn on for some couples (or even a turn off, it just depends).



As for confidence I think the main way to build it is by knowing you're making him happy in bed and until he tells you exactly what he wants that might not happen. This is why it's so important to sit down and really discuss everything. Once you do that it will open up a lot of doors. Good luck.