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Are we the only crazy ones...? Reise's Mommy 2 kids; Kentucky 1722 posts
15th Nov '12

My husband and I have been on opposite shifts ever since our son was 2 months old, so 16 months now. We never see each other and we can't communicate very well because he doesn't do well on the phone, and he is EXTREMELY techy impaired (which is kind of ironic considering I'm a computer programmer/technician heh). It makes life difficult and sometimes I feel like we're drifting. Our sexual relationship has died down quite a bit (obviously, we see each other like one night a week) and we were still fairly "new" to each other when he was born. I got pregnant within our first 2 months of dating, so I expected some die down. I've just never met another couple who chose to do it this way. I wish I could be a SAHM but we just can't afford it and I wouldn't ever let myself buy anything or do anything but cook and clean because I would feel responsible for making sure the house is perfect before he got home every day. It's just hard sometimes and I wonder how other couples handle it.

Onalee's Mummy Due August 26 (boy); 1 child; Newcastle, Australia 5355 posts
15th Nov '12

<blockquote><b>Quoting Reise's Mommy:</b>" My husband and I have been on opposite shifts ever since our son was 2 months old, so 16 months now. ... [snip!] ... sure the house is perfect before he got home every day. It's just hard sometimes and I wonder how other couples handle it."</blockquote>




Date night once a month. You organise a surprise date. The next month he organises you a surprise date

user banned Des Moines, Iowa 1848 posts
15th Nov '12

This sounds rough! I hope your situation changes so you can have more time for one another.



I occasionally work night shifts at the office but luckily get more half day/early morning shifts so I barely miss out on a thing. My older kids don't even know I'm gone because they are at school

Just Emily :) 2 kids; Casa grande, Az, United States 9826 posts
15th Nov '12

Dh and I are like that right now. I work nights he works random what ever. Even if we are both home one of us is usually sleeping. It's really hard. We also go pregnant quick. We met in april I got BFP in June. And I agree the sex thing is hard. We haven't figured it out yet. Thankfully tonight is my last night on nights! I hope things get better for you. I can totally relate to how much it sucks.

⚓Misty⚓ 4 kids; Keenesburg, Colorado 7276 posts
15th Nov '12

Me & SO work opposite shifts. I work 10pm to 6am & he works 8am to 6pm. So we only get a couple of hours a night. We both have sundays off & i have sat, sun & mon nights off. It is very hard to not be able to spend time together but we do it to save money on daycare costs. Once the holidays are over im going to see if i can switch my weekday off to his weekday off

⚓Misty⚓ 4 kids; Keenesburg, Colorado 7276 posts
15th Nov '12

as for the sex thing try to get at least a quickie in as much as possible. I do this right when i get home before he has to get ready for work

Reise's Mommy 2 kids; Kentucky 1722 posts
15th Nov '12

Well, currently we can't afford a date night, but that sounds like a really good idea. Our place of employment shut down unexpectedly for a week last month and we're still trying to catch back up from losing an entire week's income. Some notice would have been nice on that one :roll:



It is rough and it has definitely gotten easier since it's been well over a year now, but I feel bad that it has gotten easier. When we go to bed on the weekends I can't have him hold me because I've gotten so used to sleeping alone and we're just not as affectionate as we used to be. We used to lay in bed and snuggle in the morning and we would probably still do that but Reise is the only reason we wake up and one of us goes and gets him. Would be nice if we could bring him in to bed with us and all snuggle but he's not the snuggling kind. He's the "jump off the bed whether there's someone there to catch me or not" kind hahaha. It will remain this way until we finish having kids and they all go into school. We want 4 and I'm baking number 2 right now, so we've got several years to go yet. The day cares and child care centers around here aren't up to our standards. I have no family and he has no family that doesn't work and could watch him (them, soon) whether for pay or not, so we don't have any other options. One of the day cares here gave the wrong kid away last year, another one had a 4 month old die because they laid him down on his belly to sleep when specifically instructed not to, and a toddler got 3rd degree burns when they pulled a boiling pot of water over on themselves. I realize accidents happen, but I just wouldn't feel safe letting anyone else keep him unless I knew them very, very well. We also don't have $150 to shell out every week per kid for it :?

Reise's Mommy 2 kids; Kentucky 1722 posts
15th Nov '12
Quoting Misty Walls:" as for the sex thing try to get at least a quickie in as much as possible. I do this right when i get home before he has to get ready for work"


We luckily get the weekends off together but we're so tired by then it doesn't mater. I also go to school full time so I am EXHAUSTED. Unfortunately, we don't have time for a quickie or anything. I have to be ready to go as soon as he walks in the door. He gets off at 4:00 pm and I have to be in at 4:30 pm. It's a 15 minute drive so as SOON as he gets home I have to go. I'm usually at the door waiting. Good bye kiss and I leave. I don't mind the not having sex so much because I don't really like a lot of sex. Once a week is plenty for me and since I've been pregnant any sex at all is extremely painful. It hasn't been the same since I had Reise. I had a 3rd degree episiotomy and I don't know if I wasn't stitched well but the skin there still hurts.

MysticWitchKat 2052 posts
15th Nov '12

Maybe one of you should look into changing jobs, because it's not even a marriage really buy a roommate situation you have. And here's the thing, eventually that is going to wear thin on both of you. As for the sex part I would talk to your doctor about it because it's possible you might need surgery down there to correct it.

⚓Misty⚓ 4 kids; Keenesburg, Colorado 7276 posts
15th Nov '12
Quoting Reise's Mommy:" We luckily get the weekends off together but we're so tired by then it doesn't mater. I also go to school ... [snip!] ... since I had Reise. I had a 3rd degree episiotomy and I don't know if I wasn't stitched well but the skin there still hurts."


its still hard not having quality time together. sex or not. Are you taking materinty leave, if so try to use some of that time to reconnect

Reise's Mommy 2 kids; Kentucky 1722 posts
15th Nov '12
Quoting MysticWitchKat:" Maybe one of you should look into changing jobs, because it's not even a marriage really buy a roommate ... [snip!] ... As for the sex part I would talk to your doctor about it because it's possible you might need surgery down there to correct it."


We don't need to change jobs. We work the same place and were on the same shift before we our son. We make really good money but we just can't put our son in child care. It's not a matter of not having a job that will let us work the same shift, we can work whatever shift we want, we just don't have anyone we trust or can afford to watch our kids. As far as surgery, I did ask my doctor about it and he said it would just be tender for a long time, and that's what it has been. Any pressure on it hurts, but I tore it back open after it started to heal so it's taken longer. Since I've been pregnant though any sex makes me swell inside really bad and puts me in pain for about 6 hours. Sex has always been a little painful for me, though, even before I had any kids.

Reise's Mommy 2 kids; Kentucky 1722 posts
15th Nov '12
Quoting Misty Walls:" its still hard not having quality time together. sex or not. Are you taking materinty leave, if so try to use some of that time to reconnect"


I am but when he's home I'll be doing homework or sleeping. I won't graduate college until May. This one was planned but with only seeing each other once a week I thought it would take longer to catch me ovulating.... and it didn't haha. We got pregnant our first try and it was about 2 months earlier than I had planned it to be.

MysticWitchKat 2052 posts
15th Nov '12
Quoting Reise's Mommy:" We don't need to change jobs. We work the same place and were on the same shift before we our son. We ... [snip!] ... bad and puts me in pain for about 6 hours. Sex has always been a little painful for me, though, even before I had any kids."


Then what's the point in being married if you spend almost no time together? And I would consider talking to another doctor. Doctors tend to be lazy, and can go the easiest route on advice.

Reise's Mommy 2 kids; Kentucky 1722 posts
15th Nov '12
Quoting MysticWitchKat:" Then what's the point in being married if you spend almost no time together? And I would consider talking to another doctor. Doctors tend to be lazy, and can go the easiest route on advice."


We see each other on the weekends. Am I just gonna divorce him because he's working for a living? I'd rather see him only on the weekends and know that he's willing to go out and be responsible and work for his family than be with someone who doesn't give a shit and doesn't raise his child. It's not like it will be like this forever. His parents are on opposite shifts just because and they're a great couple. What's the point in being married to someone in the military whose gone overseas for months or years at a time with that logic?

Reise's Mommy 2 kids; Kentucky 1722 posts
15th Nov '12
Quoting MysticWitchKat:" Then what's the point in being married if you spend almost no time together? And I would consider talking to another doctor. Doctors tend to be lazy, and can go the easiest route on advice."

I don't need to see him every minute of every day to know that I love him and want to spend my life with him. Would it be better to leave him, be alone and raise our boys in a single parent home just because we both needed jobs?