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Help with my stepsons crazy mom! Long but PLEASE read!!! TracyLynne! 34 kids; Phoenix, Arizona 358 posts
18th Nov '12

This is long but I seriously NEED help!
Okay so back story- my husband's ex is the older sister of one of my old friends. I have known their family my whole life. My husband( his name is Jeff) and his ex- We'll call her "A" were broken up for over three years- she left him for some other dude after using all his money he inheirited from his fathers death.- before he and I started dating. They hung out often so that my husband could see his son without issues.
WELL Jeff and I start dating and she completely FLIPS. All of a sudden Jeff is a shitty father and I am a horrible person- yet neither of us are any different then we were. The one thing that changed is he stopped hanging out at her house so often because she would constantly talk shit about me. The schedule that was in place for over 3 years was Jeff would pick him up from school on Wedneday, drop him off Thursday at school, then get him again on Friday all the way till Sunday at 6 or sometimes Monday when he would take him to school. Jeff was also giving her over 300$ a month WITHOUT being court ordered to. All of a sudden it was completely erratic when Jeff could get him, and usually she only let him have him after he gave her money. One day she would let me and Jeff pick him up and the next I wasn't allowed anywhere near him. ( I honestly think she was thinking that would make Jeff break up with me.) She ended up filing a completely BOGUS restraining order against me using all kinds of lies- she was the one threatening me, calling my phone 15x a day to talk to Jeff, telling me she hoped my unborn daughter would die, ect.
ANYWAYS fast forward four months of complete bullshit and her craziness and we're in court- well a mediation- my husband filed papers after the last straw which was we signed him up to get a haircut and because of that we weren't allowed to pick him up after she swore we could. Jeff and I were already married and she wrote in her little list of "stipulations" that Jeff only have his son every other weekend, that she got him ALL holidays because (this is a direct quote) "I celebrate all holidays and don't want that taken from my son"- like b***h what holiday do you celebrate that we don't?!- and that when Jeff has his son that I not be allowed around him. Well long story short they went back to the old schedule except Jeff gets him till Monday every week AND he only has to pay her 59$ a month. Now you would htink the drama would end right?! WRONG!!
Now she is saying that when my husband goes to work -6pm till 2am- that his son needs to be brought back to her which is not true we have already talked to a police officer and she is constantly telling Jeff's son WHO IS SEVEN that "daddy better bring you back because if not I will call the police on him" She tells him not to call my daughter his sister because "daddys wife is a cheater and that is not your sister" when she def is Jeffs!! and all kinds of other shit that a seven year old just doesn't need to hear!!
Here is my issue though and read carefully because it can get confusing.
We send his son to school on Monday and Thursday. We made an agreement with her that whatever he wears to our house that she got him we will put into a bag and send back with him on those day and she would do the same. We were great about this, I would wash the clothes and send everything- socks, undies, shirt and pants back with him and she would wad up the clothes he wore from us and throw them in a bag. All of a sudden she began sending him in raggedy clothes and clothes that were way old or too small and she stopped returning the clothes we got. She now has about 4 of the 10 outfits we currently have for him (when we moved we lost a lot of his clothes and are slowly building his wardrobe back up but are low on money so it's going slow!) and we still continue to send the shitty clothes she makes him wear to school back to her. She is telling all of the staff at the school that WE are stealing "her" clothes. We have checked everywhere and have absolutly nothing that she bought him. What the hell can we do? She even tells Jeff's son that she isn't giving the clothes back until we give her clothes back BUT WE DON'T HAVE ANY! It seems petty but when we do not have much money and with Christmas coming up we are fast losing all of his clothes to her. We can't just keep buying him clothes. What would you do?! We are to the point that we may end up going to his school and having him change before school is over so we don't end up with nothing for him. What is the best thing to do?!?!?!?!?!

LolaMcKitten Due May 30; 27 kids; Beverly Hills, California 15496 posts
18th Nov '12

Have her mark her clothes on the tag and you do the same.

TracyLynne! 34 kids; Phoenix, Arizona 358 posts
18th Nov '12

See we totally marked all the clothes we got him and she wigged the f**k out and still refuses to give them back!!

user banned Indiana 33802 posts
18th Nov '12

Do you know how embarrassing that would be for him to be taken out of class and have to change before leaving every day? Kids are quick to make fun of something like that.
I understand you cant afford a lot, but look at the Goodwill, Salvation Army, any thrift store. You can pick up nice clothes there super cheap.

Motherhood: So worth it 1 child; North Carolina 589 posts
18th Nov '12

are you picking him up from school in the raggedy clothes? b/c my sis has her stepdaughter strip down as soon as she enters the house & my sis washes everything & she goes home in the clothes she wore down. she was having the same problem as you: if the child left w/ clothes my sis & her hubby purchased they never saw it again. they also document all the craziness that happens. cancelled visits, bizarre phone calls, clothes too small, etc. also my sis rarely purchases anything brand new at this point b/c to top it all off they may only see the s-daughter 2+ times per year! so def look into the goodwill & consignment shops



good luck!

DeanJade&Mak's Mom 3 kids; Covina, CA, United States 8822 posts
18th Nov '12

Take pixs of him when u pick him up from school in the clothes he came in from her...
My exs mom used to put baby clothes on my then toddler and what looked like used underwear... our lawyer told us to take pixs and have some1 from school take note that kid came wearing that.



My ex and his mom used to tell my then, 4 year old all that stuff, about his sister not being his and stuff about me and my husband, we had to be the bigger person, and just kept talking to him he's 6 now and understands that they are liars when they talk about us... a 7 year old is old enough to understand and make his own decision to believe what he wants... he will figure out that his moms a shit talker...
I would start documenting everything and u can ask to have a stipulation put in that the parents can't talk about eachother, sounds dumb but some people need that stuff...

That girl Amber +2 2 kids; California 6981 posts
18th Nov '12

Thats a whole lotta drama you dont need. Sadly, i have no answer for you, we have the same damn problem. Ive been buying their clothes 2nd hand so at least we arent out a ton of money

*Lindsey* 3 kids; Alberta 8798 posts
18th Nov '12

Sooo in the end this whole posst is about clothes???
This whole situation seems childish and i really dont even know what to say about it since everything has already been done in court not sure there is anything to do but live with it!

JeNnAs MoMoM 2 kids; Pennsylvania 3090 posts
18th Nov '12

Go to thrift stores and get him some nice cheap stuff. My stepdaughters used to come in raggedy clothes. But they also packed a bag for the weekend. We didn't buy them a wardrobe for weekends with their dad. At times we were embarassed about how they looked. I would just let him start coming to your house with his own clothes from home just like when you stay at a friends house for the weekend.

TracyLynne! 34 kids; Phoenix, Arizona 358 posts
18th Nov '12
Quoting Patti.:" Do you know how embarrassing that would be for him to be taken out of class and have to change before ... [snip!] ... cant afford a lot, but look at the Goodwill, Salvation Army, any thrift store. You can pick up nice clothes there super cheap."


i understand how it would be embarassing but what are we supposed to do, keep losing clothes, even if we get them from thrift store that is still a new outfit 2x a week to replace the one she won't give back.

TracyLynne! 34 kids; Phoenix, Arizona 358 posts
18th Nov '12
Quoting Motherhood: So worth it:" are you picking him up from school in the raggedy clothes? b/c my sis has her stepdaughter strip down ... [snip!] ... all off they may only see the s-daughter 2+ times per year! so def look into the goodwill & consignment shops good luck!"


Yeah we pick him up from school ad unless we go somewhere we let him keep the clothes on till bedtime as long as they aren't to small. We have 2 notebooks FILLED with her bullshit and just keep adding more. I think I am going to start taking photos also, just gotta get a camera first because with my phone there is no way to get the pictures off of there.

TracyLynne! 34 kids; Phoenix, Arizona 358 posts
18th Nov '12
Quoting *Lindsey*(6 weeks):" Sooo in the end this whole posst is about clothes??? This whole situation seems childish and i really ... [snip!] ... know what to say about it since everything has already been done in court not sure there is anything to do but live with it! "


I knew someone would say something bitchy. So you think it's childish that I am upset that my stepson is wearing raggedy too small clotehs ot school and that we are losing all the nice clothes we got him? Hmmm.
And the question is about clothes the overall post is more about what a crazy b***h she is.

TracyLynne! 34 kids; Phoenix, Arizona 358 posts
18th Nov '12
Quoting Amberchik78:" Thats a whole lotta drama you dont need. Sadly, i have no answer for you, we have the same damn problem. Ive been buying their clothes 2nd hand so at least we arent out a ton of money"


i agree. Especially being 31 weeks pg, and exhausted all the time plus hormonal this is just unnecessary!!

Motherhood: So worth it 1 child; North Carolina 589 posts
18th Nov '12
Quoting TracyLynne!:" Yeah we pick him up from school ad unless we go somewhere we let him keep the clothes on till bedtime ... [snip!] ... start taking photos also, just gotta get a camera first because with my phone there is no way to get the pictures off of there."

you'd lose one more set of clothes if you do this but:
pick him up, wash that set of clothes, send him to school in an outfit you paid for, keep the outfit he came in, the next time he comes send him to school in the outfit you held onto & repeat process. at that point he'll always return in something she sent him in. sounds terrible but it would stop the loss of clothes. exception would be of course if he was absolutely outgrown of an article of clothing!

Boogie Bug's Mommy Due March 19; 2 kids; Randleman, North Carolina 5 posts
18th Nov '12

I go through the same drama with my stepson's mom. My husband and I have been together since my stepson was 2 years old. He will be 9 in January. She always sends him to us with crappy clothes. The worse is in the summer when she drops him off with just swim trunks on and no shoes. It makes it hard on us especially on Sunday when he needs shoes for church. We always strive to get him nice clothes because we don't want him to get picked on at school. We have him on the weekends also. I pick him up from school on Friday and take him back to school on Monday. When I pick him up on Friday he is wearing crappy stuff, and then on Monday he goes to his closet and puts the good stuff on. My husband gets frustrated because it's expensive for us to keep replacing his clothes. He told my stepson that he would have to wear the same stuff back on Monday and my stepson has a total meltdown. I've noticed though that even though my husband has started enforcing this rule, that my stepsons clothes still end up disappearing. Well last Monday he forgot to zip up his back pack. When he went to get out of the car, socks, underwear, pants, and shirts fell out of his back pack! I know darn well, that when he stays at his mom's that she puts him in nice clothes. Because we live in a small town and we see them out and about and he will have Abercrombie shirts and jeans on. So I don't understand why he smuggles out the clothes from our house. I don't know if he is doing it on is own free will or if his mom is telling him to do it. His mom is weird about Holidays also. One minute she will say we can't have him, but then she will call the day before demanding we come get him; because she "needs a break". She got married and pregnant w/ another guy 2 months after breaking up with my husband, then 2 years later she divorced that guy and started dating his boss. She is always going from one guy to another. Parties alot. It causes alot of anxiety with my stepson which he brings to our home. He fights constantly with his 5 year old sister that (I had with his dad). He has a terrible lying problem. I try to be patient. All we can do is wait for them to grow up and realize what their mom's put them through. My stepson's mom even went behind my husbands back at the hospital (when my stepson was born) when he went to the cafeteria and changed my stepsons last name on the birth certificate! The judge told her she doesn't get a dime of child support till she changes my stepson's name back. She even tried to take my husband to court for full custody and say he was unfit(because of a diaper rash) but she got caught with forged photos. So I deal with the same crap. Unfortunately like I said, time is the only thing that can heal the wounds. It's never going to get any cheaper or easier. I try to overlook her psycho behavior, because I know one day when my stepson looks back at things, he will know who was there and who did what.