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Vodka Knockers 1 child; North Carolina 8063 posts
18th Nov '12
Quoting Rd.:" If it's through an agency, then only him. In fact, I would do that because they take notes on everything ... [snip!] ... If someone like his mom is supervising, you really can't prove no one else is there or even that the supervisor is there."

Would I have to request an agency or would the judge just choose whatever he thought was best?

Erin Weyer 2 kids; Batavia, New York 283 posts
18th Nov '12
Quoting Vodka Knockers:" That also makes me nervous. His girlfriend has been less than...Agreeable, for the last year. She has ... [snip!] ... worried that considering her hostility towards him, she may do something or say something that would harm him emotionally."

Girlfriends don't count as family members. I am a step mom and i still don't have any "rights" to see my step daughter. My husband left for training for a job (before we had joint custody) and asked if Bella could continue her visitation with me and the judge said no and basically that step parents don't count. I HIGHLY doubt they would let the gf anywhere near the visitation.

Erin Weyer 2 kids; Batavia, New York 283 posts
18th Nov '12
Quoting Vodka Knockers:" Would I have to request an agency or would the judge just choose whatever he thought was best?"


just like everything else with the court, you would have to present a case as to why you think it should be a third party supervision--and i think you have a pretty good case as it is, since the baby probably doesn't even recognize him.

Vodka Knockers 1 child; North Carolina 8063 posts
18th Nov '12
Quoting Erin Weyer:" Girlfriends don't count as family members. I am a step mom and i still don't have any "rights" to see ... [snip!] ... judge said no and basically that step parents don't count. I HIGHLY doubt they would let the gf anywhere near the visitation."

They're supposed to be getting married in December, but his mom says that they have nothing prepared and don't even know that you have to go to the courthouse and file for a marriage license about a week in advance and she doesn't plan on telling them (She hates the girlfriend because of how mean she's been about my son).
But you did say that stepmothers don't have rights either.

Vodka Knockers 1 child; North Carolina 8063 posts
18th Nov '12
Quoting Erin Weyer:" just like everything else with the court, you would have to present a case as to why you think it should ... [snip!] ... third party supervision--and i think you have a pretty good case as it is, since the baby probably doesn't even recognize him."

That. Is. Awesome. I have a good lawyer too, he's probably not going to hire one and just represent himself (He will blow that to shreds in a heartbeat, he's horrible at those things).
She's the same lawyer I saw back in February that said we actually met three different grounds of termination, and only needed one. (Back when we were considering terminating his rights)

Erin Weyer 2 kids; Batavia, New York 283 posts
18th Nov '12
Quoting Vodka Knockers:" They're supposed to be getting married in December, but his mom says that they have nothing prepared ... [snip!] ... hates the girlfriend because of how mean she's been about my son). But you did say that stepmothers don't have rights either."


nope i have no rights to my step daughter. if anything ever happened to her dad (goodness forbid) it would be up to her mother to allow her to continue seeing me and if she would say no then that's that, can't fight it.

user banned 1 child; Germany 12377 posts
18th Nov '12
Quoting Vodka Knockers:" Would I have to request an agency or would the judge just choose whatever he thought was best?"

The judge asked if BD had any parents that could supervise and he said yes, and I disputed that and said I'd feel more comfortable with an agency. He sided with me... I never saw BD after that, he never went to the visits or the next couple court dates.

Vodka Knockers 1 child; North Carolina 8063 posts
18th Nov '12
Quoting Rd.:" The judge asked if BD had any parents that could supervise and he said yes, and I disputed that and said ... [snip!] ... with an agency. He sided with me... I never saw BD after that, he never went to the visits or the next couple court dates."

Perfect, I could work with that.

Erin Weyer 2 kids; Batavia, New York 283 posts
18th Nov '12

I think the only way i could even ATTEMPT to fight to see her would be because she has a half sibling who is my son. But i don't know the intercacies of how that would be handled.

user banned 1 child; Germany 12377 posts
18th Nov '12
Quoting Vodka Knockers:" Perfect, I could work with that."

If he doesn't want to be a father, and actually makes it to a visit he'll probably feel too violated to go back lol. They legit sit in the same small room and watch at all times, and take notes - even if he's helping in the bathroom, etc.



I honestly wouldn't worry too much. I won my case using duty counsel lol

Vodka Knockers 1 child; North Carolina 8063 posts
18th Nov '12
Quoting Rd.:" If he doesn't want to be a father, and actually makes it to a visit he'll probably feel too violated ... [snip!] ... notes - even if he's helping in the bathroom, etc. I honestly wouldn't worry too much. I won my case using duty counsel lol"

I already feel much better about the situation.
My son's daycare is very secure. They have a keypad and doorbell at the door, the doors are locked. If you don't know the keypad code to get in, you have to ring the bell and show ID. And they also keep lists on who is allowed to pick up the child, and they've been informed by me to call the police if he or his girlfriend ever show up and try to take him and they have it written down. But I don't want to risk it. I don't want to risk a slip up and me have to fight to get him back if BD ever gets a wild hair up his ass.

Lorelei's Mommy ♥ 1 child; Scotts Valley, CA, United States 1463 posts
18th Nov '12
Quoting Vodka Knockers:" DH and I were talking about getting a legal custody agreement for LO with BD. Right now, I'm the custodial ... [snip!] ... is telling me, he has no intention of showing up (Failure to comply, he owes almost $1,500 and has never paid in a dime) TIA."


If he didnt show up, the judge would either set a new date or look at the FACTS not what you say and make a ruling in favor of you, more then likely.
However, IF he shows up and fights it, no matter how much or little he has spent in the past, they wouldnt deny him rights to see.. even if in the beginning he has supervised visits and works up to something.
and in case you dont know, child support and visitation are two different topics. you cant use the child support, or lack of payment as a way to not allow him to see your child.

Vodka Knockers 1 child; North Carolina 8063 posts
19th Nov '12
Quoting Lorelei's Mommy ♥:" If he didnt show up, the judge would either set a new date or look at the FACTS not what you say and ... [snip!] ... are two different topics. you cant use the child support, or lack of payment as a way to not allow him to see your child."

I'm VERY aware that child support and custody are two different things, I only mentioned the child support court date and the fact that he actually didn't show up today and now has a warrant out for his arrest as an example to the fact he doesn't care enough to show up.
And also, I'm not using that as a way to not allow him to see my son. He called my kid a bastard back in February among several other things, I don't think it'd be a good idea for him to be around my child.

user banned 1 child; Germany 12377 posts
19th Nov '12
Quoting Vodka Knockers:" I already feel much better about the situation. My son's daycare is very secure. They have a keypad ... [snip!] ... want to risk it. I don't want to risk a slip up and me have to fight to get him back if BD ever gets a wild hair up his ass."

I know how you feel... DD's daycare isn't secure like that but the lady in charge seems pretty hardcore about protecting her kids lol. They told me though, that without a court order stating anything about access they can't stop a biological parent from picking up their child. I pretty much cut off contact from everyone for a year and moved so I'm pretty confident BD won't be able to find us, lol

Vodka Knockers 1 child; North Carolina 8063 posts
20th Nov '12
Quoting Rd.:" I know how you feel... DD's daycare isn't secure like that but the lady in charge seems pretty hardcore ... [snip!] ... I pretty much cut off contact from everyone for a year and moved so I'm pretty confident BD won't be able to find us, lol"

The laws must be different in NC, or maybe our situation was just different because only the people I approved on a list can pick LO up, including parents.
I've went to great lengths to keep it from being an issue though. BD doesn't know my address, only my general where abouts (Which is somewhere in the boonies out in the middle of no where, lmao). I made sure that he has no idea where LO is in daycare since there's three cities jumbled up and I could put him in a daycare in any of them, etc.
He doesn't even know about LO's allergies (I've told him before about the allergy, but he never remembers, doesn't even remember LO's full name). Only myself and the daycare has LO's epi-pen (Not a common allergy, cinnamon). My kid would end up in the hospital or dead if he was to take him and feed him. So much stuff has cinnamon in it.
I have made it readily available that BD have the opportunity to see LO, even offered to drive down to Gastonia a few weeks ago and split gas with a friend so he could see LO and he didn't want to. -Shrug-