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Feeln hopeless dont know what to do :( Machel Martinez 2 kids; Los Lunas, New Mexico 44 posts
20th Nov '12

So im 33weeks pregnant havn a lil girl n completly excited :) but the dad or "sperm donar" as I call him is jus pissn me off. I hardly ever hear from him n wen I do its a random txt asking how im doing n giving me a lame excuse as to why I havnt heard from him. He only went to my first ultrasound n to the hospital when I went because I was having contractions n the whole time he was either making dusgusting jokes or falling asleep he didnt even kno it was a girl till last month. I dont kno wat to do he says he wants to be involved but his actions clearly show he dosnt. he also does drugs which im completly against or use to he has been clean for awhile now but I have no hope in that either :( any advice?? Im really lost

Jynxd Blyss Due November 11 (girl); 4 kids; Australia 907 posts
20th Nov '12
Quoting Machel Martinez:" So im 33weeks pregnant havn a lil girl n completly excited :) but the dad or "sperm donar" as I call ... [snip!] ... completly against or use to he has been clean for awhile now but I have no hope in that either :( any advice?? Im really lost"

He's a bloke, Most (not all) aren't as excited about the prospect of a baby as we Mums are, After all we get to carry them, Feel them grow and move, For a lot of men it doesn't really sink in until LO is born and they can actually see and hold them, I'd tell him how you feel, But also give him a chance once LO is born, If nothing changes then, I'd probably cut him out of the picture.

k♥[j&a] ., ., United States 1057 posts
20th Nov '12

It he doesn't want to be a part of your pregnancy or daughters life then that's his loss. I would move on. There's plenty of guys out there. You could do better than that.

Evelynns Mama! 1 child; Dayton, Ohio 1735 posts
20th Nov '12

Most guys don't show interest until baby's arrival.
I wouldn't kick him to the curb unless he shuns her AFTER birth.
They don't normally get that "connection" we do before birth.

user banned Des Moines, Iowa 1848 posts
20th Nov '12

I her from a lot of women that their men didn't even have a connection until baby was walking.



The drug problem, that's a difficult beast to handle.



Let nature run its course. If he is going to be a deadbeat, then he just isn't worth it. Life isn't as hopeless as you think. There are many men out there who are amazing and will love your child as you do and can fill the parental role. If SD comes around, then try to nourish this for your baby's sake. Just be careful with the drug problems. This can really hurt your child (well, duh)

Amie2010 Due December 5 (girl); Japan 6 posts
20th Nov '12

I've had a similar situation but he never called during the pregnancy. My daughter is now 5 yrs old and she was a planned baby and as soon as i found out i was pregnant he started doing drugs after being clean for 18 months. I left him when I was 3 months preggo and I didn't hear from him until she was born when I called his mom to tell her. He went to jail for a few yrs after she was born and when he got out i thought it would be different and left him be in the picture. All it did was confuse her becuz she already had a DADDY. He was around for less than a yr and went back to jail and when he got out I tried it again. And in the long run I think its bettter for her not to be around him becuz he hasn't been around enough to be a daddy and she already has a great daddy. Good Luck!!

user banned Des Moines, Iowa 1848 posts
20th Nov '12

<blockquote><b>Quoting Amie2010:</b>" I've had a similar situation but he never called during the pregnancy. My daughter is now 5 yrs old and ... [snip!] ... for her not to be around him becuz he hasn't been around enough to be a daddy and she already has a great daddy. Good Luck!!"</blockquote>




Similar situation here. My husband adopted mine, which has been a blessing. My ex never did the jail bit, but just is unable to succeed at life and has ongoing drug problems. He's not a terrible guy, but he has no interest in being a parent. So that's that.

jen.snyder Due February 20 (girl); Bryan, Texas 1 posts
20th Nov '12

I am going through the same thing. the father is young and wants to party and drink. he is also in the military and stationed 1200 miles away. he says he wants to do this and that and be here for our daughter, but he hasnt done anything he said he would yet. i am fed up and decided ill do better off raising her by myself anyways. let me just say, i am 4 yrs older than him, i got pregnant from a one night stand. ive met his mom, and his whole family is behind me. they are hoping that he will change once i have her. i am too, and maybe they will. if you have to do it by yourself, YOU CAN! but ill be praying for you that your babys dad will shape up

aperkins Due December 31; 4 kids; Indiana 900 posts
20th Nov '12

I strongly suggest just watch your little one closely and not let him take her anywhere a lone after she's born sense you suspect drugs.



I would give him a chance tho to be a part of her life. He might come around after seeing her and holding her. I would however talk to him and make it known that you wont let him pop in and out of her life.

Shameka Houston Due April 23; 1 child; Atlanta, Georgia 3 posts
20th Nov '12

Don't feel hopeless be happy right now this is the greatest moment of your life. I went through the same thing just 18months ago. Throughout my pregnancy I didn't even think he cared that i was even pregnant. He even went to every appointment with me and now I think he thinks he's the mother you can't tear them to apart. And now I due in April with the second our child. All of that to say ,just give it time and see what happens

Machel Martinez 2 kids; Los Lunas, New Mexico 44 posts
24th Nov '12

So I went into preterm labor tuesday night they stopped it and im onbedrest I was in the hispital till yesterday afternoon and the "soerm donar" didnt even go to see how me and the baby was doing all I got was a lame txt asking if I was ok I told him what was going on and I didnt get any respinse I still havnt heard from him