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last names, adoption, custody. AJosetteMac 3 kids; Farmington, New Mexico 858 posts
21st Nov '12

I have two girls 2&1 I'm expecting my third child from my bf. I'm divorced and when we got divorced, he signed over the girls we decided it was for the better. So I have sole custody. He continues to cause issues for us. He sees the girls every other weekend, he's not the greatest of dads. We've been living with my bf since August. He is a great "Dad" to the girls they know he isn't daddy and we've never asked them to call him Dad it has slipped out on more then one occasion. Recently he has been talking about getting parental rights over the girls. I was curious would we need my exs permission to do this? Would it change they're last names? since I have sole custody I didn't think we had to ask but someone had said he has to sign over his rights. I thought that's done when a parent gets sole custody? A main reason to the sole custody is because he is obsessed.with money. He wants tax claims he asked after he signed them over who gets to claim them this coming year. I said it was me since he did last year, and since they are now mine. Because he needed a new drill set.



TIA Ladies

Crystal 3 kids; Hephzibah, Georgia 15001 posts
21st Nov '12

Sole Custody and terminating rights are 2 vastly different things. He would have to willingly sign off his rights, which I doubt he would do. To terminate a Parents right is so difficult, most times it borders on the impossible. You would also need to be married, for at least a year, provide a stable income and home for the child. A LOT is taken into consideration.




Why would you want to take away rights from a Father and give them to a boyfriend?

user banned 2 kids; New York 34017 posts
21st Nov '12

if he signed over rights to the girls, why do you even have them see him? he clearly doesn't want them.



if it's just sole custody you have, then he still has rights.



your boyfriend can't adopt them until you're married at least a year in most states. & that's only if your ex already signed his rights away, not just gave you custody.

Vile Tramp 2 kids; New York 32363 posts
21st Nov '12
Quoting Crystal Marie S.:" Sole Custody and terminating rights are 2 vastly different things. He would have to willingly sign off ... [snip!] ... child. A LOT is taken into consideration. Why would you want to take away rights from a Father and give them to a boyfriend?"


:!:



Also.. If you have Sole custody, how is he claiming them? Isn't that tax fraud seeing as how they haven't lived with him for more then 6 months out of the year. :?.

ChubbyCheekers 2 kids; New York 3117 posts
21st Nov '12

I think she means he signed over custody, not terminated his rights...those are two different things. OP, first off, you and your boyfriend need to be married for him to adopt your children. Some states will make you wait until you've been married a year. They don't let the biological father terminate his rights unless there is a step-parent that's willing to adopt.

Lotusmama Due March 31; British Columbia 1672 posts
21st Nov '12

BF doesn't need any legal paperwork to be a dad. Just by being the man in thier life who takes care of them he earns that title!

mamaluvsher4babies 36 kids; California 4230 posts
21st Nov '12

if he sees his girls you should be happy with that. Your boyfriend does not have to adopt to be a good father figure for them.

ChubbyCheekers 2 kids; New York 3117 posts
21st Nov '12

And yes, the father will have to give his permission. It's very difficult to terminate a biological parent's rights involuntarily...if he sees them every other weekend, they're not going to take his rights away.

mamaluvsher4babies 36 kids; California 4230 posts
21st Nov '12

Oh and the tax thing it depends on whats in the divorce decree..if nothing then he has to have them for at least 6 months. My husband gets to claim his grils every year. He hasnt seen them in 3 years, NOT BECAUSE OF HIM..but he still gets to claim the girls.

AJosetteMac 3 kids; Farmington, New Mexico 858 posts
21st Nov '12

<blockquote><b>Quoting Crystal Marie S.:</b>" Sole Custody and terminating rights are 2 vastly different things. He would have to willingly sign off ... [snip!] ... child. A LOT is taken into consideration. Why would you want to take away rights from a Father and give them to a boyfriend?"</blockquote>



The situation with my ex it's so difficult he's like off his rocker half the time and on medication for all shorts of things. We want to get married, so he wouldn't be a bf forever and not when we do if we ever do go through with this. He brought it up to have it done I'm still on the iffy side of it. He is better for my kids then they're actual father. I've been stabbed, pushed, he pushed me and my daughter into a wall once when I was holding her he came over to take them and I wouldn't let him. He's threatened to kill him self numerous times and my bf can support us better them my ex. My ex it's extremely irresponsible. Hrs gone through 6 cars in four months just cud he keeps trading them in. he is constantly complaining to me how he's broke. It's complicated with him. And I thought when he have me sole custody he was signing over his rights. But I was wrong I guess.

Vile Tramp 2 kids; New York 32363 posts
21st Nov '12
Quoting [P&T's Mama]- Baking#3:" <blockquote><b>Quoting Crystal Marie S.:</b>" Sole Custody and terminating rights are ... [snip!] ... It's complicated with him. And I thought when he have me sole custody he was signing over his rights. But I was wrong I guess."


Yep, you were mistaken.



My son's bio dad gave me sole custody, and when my husband went to adopt him bio dad still needed to sign over his rights. ( I got lucky and he was willing).



It's LONG process and like she said, it requires marriage for a certain period of time, background/criminal checks, being in and out of court etc. It's not an easy process in the least.

user banned 2 kids; New York 34017 posts
21st Nov '12
Quoting [P&T's Mama]- Baking#3:" <blockquote><b>Quoting Crystal Marie S.:</b>" Sole Custody and terminating rights are ... [snip!] ... It's complicated with him. And I thought when he have me sole custody he was signing over his rights. But I was wrong I guess."


being a shitty person to YOU doesn't make him less of a dad to HIS daughters, though.



and no, termination of rights is completely separate from custody.

ChubbyCheekers 2 kids; New York 3117 posts
21st Nov '12

No. He could take you to court at any time and fight that. Terminating his rights literally means that legally he's not their father anymore, and it would be as though the kids were born to you and your SO. He could never again file for custody or visitation or any of that, and also cannot be held responsible for child support.



Does he have court-ordered visitation? Have you reported this incidents of abuse to the police? If they're not documented, then it doesn't matter. He's still their father and he will always have rights. If his visitation is court-ordered and you are denying him, they will hold you in contempt.

Crystal 3 kids; Hephzibah, Georgia 15001 posts
21st Nov '12
Quoting [P&T's Mama]- Baking#3:" <blockquote><b>Quoting Crystal Marie S.:</b>" Sole Custody and terminating rights are ... [snip!] ... It's complicated with him. And I thought when he have me sole custody he was signing over his rights. But I was wrong I guess."

I can understand not wanting him around because he's violent or harmful. But the facts are still the facts. You have to legally terminate all of his parental rights. Unless he is willing to do it, you don't have a very big chance. You can't even terminate his rights without being married first. If you terminate the rights, there has to be another person to step up and be the Parent. Which I understand your BF wants, but it needs to be legal first.

Lotusmama Due March 31; British Columbia 1672 posts
21st Nov '12
Quoting [P&T's Mama]- Baking#3:" <blockquote><b>Quoting Crystal Marie S.:</b>" Sole Custody and terminating rights are ... [snip!] ... It's complicated with him. And I thought when he have me sole custody he was signing over his rights. But I was wrong I guess."


Since you have sole custody and he has a history of violence and mental health issues then IMO you should not be giving him any visitation.

The fact that he has been seeing the kids would work against you if you ever went to court to say he was unfit - especially since you are giving them to him by choice - not by court order!