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Mommy to Boys! 4 kids; Ohio 6057 posts
21st Nov '12

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HopingforaMiracle 1 child; USA 23029 posts
21st Nov '12

<blockquote><b>Quoting Mommy to Boys!:</b>" He was in the hospital in oct. Now he s=goes through a center here in town."</blockquote>




He may need to go back. This is so hard because I see what he's doing and know I did and sometimes do the same thing.

Mommy to Boys! 4 kids; Ohio 6057 posts
21st Nov '12
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MrsSinatra 1 child; 1 angel baby; Phoenix, Arizona 993 posts
21st Nov '12

<blockquote><b>Quoting Mommy to Boys!:</b>" He was working through a temp agency so no insurance. Unemployment he cant recieve because he isnt ... [snip!] ... things he likes to do. He loves his yard, this summer he barely mowed, didnt trim bushes, no landscaping etc. That is not him."</blockquote>




Ugh, man... I'm so sorry about all this. ;( I can't imagine how hard it must be for you.



... I don't know how long he's been on these medications, but some can take up to 4 weeks to show any sign of improvement. I personally wouldn't allow him to stay withdrawn. I would try to make his day as scheduled as possible and make sure he was apart of the family. Just because he's going through some hard times, doesn't make him less able to perform his normal duties. I have struggled with mental illness... and my sister as well, she's on disability because she's that crazy. But she understands that she still has responsibilities that she needs to uphold. (She's borderline and schizophrenic). I would hold him as accountable as you can. But be leinent on some things. If you start to see him getting irritated, tell him to go sit on the room for a few minutes, not playing video games, but something to calm his mind, maybe read, lay down, listen to music... and get him back with the family after the 10mins.



As sad as it is to say, you're going to have to be his parent for a little while. And make sure he's getting some help. Like, when I have severe panic attacks, I lay down, and do, "stiff as a board, loose as a rag doll.". And exactly that, tighten every muscle in your body as hard as you xander, while holding your breath. Then, blow out the air slowly and loosen all your muscles. Do that until the attack goes away. It breathing is such a huge thing... and can really make a difference.



Goodluck to you...

HopingforaMiracle 1 child; USA 23029 posts
21st Nov '12

<blockquote><b>Quoting Mommy to Boys!:</b>" His Psychologists tells me to not allow him to be dismissed as a husband and father but I dont know ... [snip!] ... is going through but I need him to try his harderst and sometimes I feel like hes not.. and I feel guilty for feeling that way."</blockquote>




I understand :( you have to continue to push him and involve him in as much as you can

Monkey Nuts Australia 4572 posts
21st Nov '12

I can sympathise.. But just reading that it seems like he's almost playing you a bit.



He can still help his friends and play video games but you can't trust him to be a father or a husband?
It seems like he doesn't like the life he has so he's just not living it.



He needs to go to hospital where they can work with him to make sure he can function before he leaves.

Mommy to Boys! 4 kids; Ohio 6057 posts
21st Nov '12

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MrsSinatra 1 child; 1 angel baby; Phoenix, Arizona 993 posts
21st Nov '12

<blockquote><b>Quoting HopingforaMiracle:</b>" <blockquote><b>Quoting Mommy to Boys!:</b>" His Psychologists tells me to not allow ... [snip!] ... that way."</blockquote> I understand :( you have to continue to push him and involve him in as much as you can"</blockquote>




This!



Maybe I am just a bitch... but I would simply not allow him to throw his pity party any longer. He needs to get back into the role of a father, and get on board. That's honestly the only way things are going to get better. Set a schedule, and live by it, until you see improvement, then lighten up some. Set goals, like, every day give him an amount of time for his time, and he can do whatever he wants during that time. But after its up, its up. And lessen the time every few days, untilled there is no time left.



You can do it. :)

Mommy to Boys! 4 kids; Ohio 6057 posts
21st Nov '12
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Mommy to Boys! 4 kids; Ohio 6057 posts
21st Nov '12
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MrsSinatra 1 child; 1 angel baby; Phoenix, Arizona 993 posts
21st Nov '12

<blockquote><b>Quoting Mommy to Boys!:</b>" His pyschologust suggessted locking the room up. But I know he wont. How do you make him? KWIM, hes ... [snip!] ... its good, most days its bad. He doesnt do it and it just ends in us feuding, me being angry, and then him shutting down."</blockquote>




Its def not gonna be easy, by any means. But you need to stick to your guns. And let him know you're not messing around anymore. And you're doing this for him. Not for anyone else. And that's just the way its gonna be until he starts taking responsibility. Dont let him get away with it anymore. That's the worse thing you can do.



Dont get upset, just know its gonna be a battle. But don't let him win. Simply say, hey, today you're folding all the laundry. When. You're done we can play a game or watch a show or start a puzzle. But you're not doing anything g until the laundry is done.



Unfortunately you're going to have to treat him as a child. That's just the way it is. And hell, if his brother is his comfort, call the man uoi and tell him to stay with the kids all day, but make sure you unplug the video games and either hide it or take it with you, and go to a friends house or family and just get some alone time. His brother an your husband can take care of the kids for the day.



Hold him accountable. Step up and be a bitch. Dont let him win any longer. I know it'll be hard... but it needs to be done!

The Master 2 kids; Perth, Australia 19989 posts
21st Nov '12
Quoting Mommy to Boys!:" He was working through a temp agency so no insurance. Unemployment he cant recieve because he isnt ... [snip!] ... things he likes to do. He loves his yard, this summer he barely mowed, didnt trim bushes, no landscaping etc. That is not him."


I have the exact same diagnosis as your DH and I went through the same thing along with dozens of suicide attempts and becoming a hoarder. In the end I was saved by being committed for 2 months and literally being forced (by my parents) to leave the situation I was in and get a job. Its now 5 years later and I'm not even medicated anymore ... its a long long road but unfortunately he has to hit the bottom before he can climb back up.

Mommy to Boys! 4 kids; Ohio 6057 posts
21st Nov '12

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Mommy to Boys! 4 kids; Ohio 6057 posts
21st Nov '12

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HopingforaMiracle 1 child; USA 23029 posts
21st Nov '12

<blockquote><b>Quoting Mommy to Boys!:</b>" They ket him go. I didnt want hom to come home last time, I felt like it wsa way to soon. But they let him anyways."</blockquote>



They unfortunately let him go too soon. They discharged me with visual and auditory hallucinations. After five and a half months in hospital. Way too soon