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call off engagement? Phf- ee bee;) Due January 26 (girl); 18 kids; Pennsylvania 5310 posts
22nd Nov '12

If you call off your engagement, is that like breaking up?



Im tossing the idea around. Things are bad. Im debating whether or not to just break-up, I am unsure at this point.... but i deffinetly do not want to be engaged right now. Its just overwhelming and I feel like i cannot promise / commit to marrying him when I am unsure of what I want. :(

lolajessup Due July 25 (girl); 2 kids; 1 angel baby; Beaverton, Michigan 44057 posts
22nd Nov '12

No I don't think it means break up. I think it just means you're not in a position to commit. I think it's a good idea if u need some
More time.

B♥Z 2 kids; Williamsport, Maryland 14245 posts
22nd Nov '12

I think it all depends on what you two want to do in the situation.



Talk to him about it. See if he feels the same. Bring up the possibility of getting counseling together before taking such a big step.

☆ IVAN'S MAMI 1 child; Utah 4210 posts
22nd Nov '12

why do you feel like this? maybe a break up with him

user banned Ohio 4193 posts
22nd Nov '12

I would consider it breaking up... could just be me though :?

user banned 2 kids; Georgia 24891 posts
22nd Nov '12
Quoting ZenMama:" I would consider it breaking up... could just be me though :?"



I agree.
and even if you don't mean it be like breaking up, he may feel that way.

♥Love♥ TTC since Jun 2013; 2 angel babies; California 5561 posts
22nd Nov '12

It something only you and your SO can decide. Personally if I heard someone had called off their engagement but were still dating I would think they were heading for a break up pretty soon. But if you think it would help you, then I think its worth a try, maybe counseling?

AwkwardTurtle 34 kids; Syracuse, NY, United States 2085 posts
22nd Nov '12
Quoting forgive-n let*love:" If you call off your engagement, is that like breaking up? Im tossing the idea around. Things ... [snip!] ... right now. Its just overwhelming and I feel like i cannot promise / commit to marrying him when I am unsure of what I want. :("


Unless you specify you want to work on getting to a good place before re-evaluating the engagement then Id assume breakup.

lolajessup Due July 25 (girl); 2 kids; 1 angel baby; Beaverton, Michigan 44057 posts
22nd Nov '12

You could just postpone the wedding or have an I definite date. This might be less of a break up. Unless u mean for it to be a breakup.

_The Rainmaker_ 2 kids; Houston, Texas 1062 posts
22nd Nov '12

Idk, I think I would really have to think about it. I mean if you stay engaged, you'll eventually end up marring him. Once you're married you can't "call your marriage off" unless you get a divorce. Take sometime away from him and see if things change. I would definitely not want to marry someone I'm second guessing myself about

castaway 2 kids; Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania 18739 posts
22nd Nov '12

It depends on the situation, though if you feel that way, the ultimate solution is that you shouldn't be engaged. If the relationship falls apart beyond that, then it wasn't strong enough to withstand marriage anyways.

DifferentDay Due June 2; 34 kids; Tennessee 3473 posts
22nd Nov '12

Same I'd assume you're heading for a break up if the engagement is off but it depends on how far everything is. If you're engaged and in active wedding planning stage like deposits and all, yeah I'd think that would lead to a break up unless your SO and you talked it out and all. Are you sure it's not cold feet or something? Hubby and I argued/bickered nonstop up to the day of the wedding. We were ready to rip each other's throats out by the time it was said and done.

Phf- ee bee;) Due January 26 (girl); 18 kids; Pennsylvania 5310 posts
22nd Nov '12

we broke up from June 11- July 30, we had alot of problems from June 30, 2011- January 2012 then again from April 2012- i broke up w/ him......... nothing has been resolved really. While broken up, i didnt move out (couldnt- no where to go/ couldnt afford it *still cant*) i started seeing this guy, over our bad time... had sex ONE time... never anything sexual since that one time in Aug 2011, but i really did/do like him - enjoy hanging out w/ him, ect. I tried to work on things..... started seeing a therapist for myself, to try to fix some of MY issues then would do couples therapy (never made it that far) well we jumped back to being together and everything was exciting/good - we TTC right away and got engaged right away.... started the wedding planning, told families, end of Aug 2012 = Im pregnant. Things were GREAT while being preg, but then... i miscarried Oct 9th. Ever since, things just went down hill... real fast. Like back to the beginning of when all our problems started. Im hanging out w/ the guy i like occasionally (nothing sexual) just as friends but i feel guilty, and should, because i'd rather be with him then my SO/Fiance. Im just so confused... unhappy... unsure... discusted... a wreck. ugh

Phf- ee bee;) Due January 26 (girl); 18 kids; Pennsylvania 5310 posts
22nd Nov '12
Quoting DifferentDay:" Same I'd assume you're heading for a break up if the engagement is off but it depends on how far everything ... [snip!] ... nonstop up to the day of the wedding. We were ready to rip each other's throats out by the time it was said and done."

I hard core wedding planned from August until mid-September, buying things.. tried/found my dress.. we just had no money for deposits. Got engagement pics in October (as the miscarriage was happening) No deposits were made - but we didnt have the money anyways, til about January. I first had a Nov 2013 wedding planned, then changed it to June 2013.. then wanted to change it to October (once miscarriage was confirmed) then stopped thinking/talking about it all together. Stopped wearing my ring & all.

castaway 2 kids; Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania 18739 posts
22nd Nov '12

<blockquote><b>Quoting forgive-n let*love:</b>" we broke up from June 11- July 30, we had alot of problems from June 30, 2011- January 2012 then again ... [snip!] ... should, because i'd rather be with him then my SO/Fiance. Im just so confused... unhappy... unsure... discusted... a wreck. ugh"</blockquote>




That sounds like quite an on and off again mess. Can you handle that for 60 more years? Do you think your personalities will magically change so you mesh well?



I would cut my losses, and start over. I did it when i had no job and no where to go by my moms basement with a baby, and I started an awesome new life. You can do it too, if you need to.