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Not sure where to put this Plum flippers 17 kids; Tulsa, Oklahoma 68 posts
24th Nov '12

I'm still new so Im not sure where this but here it goes. I've had my SO's 7ur old here this break and its Been going great. For two years Its been an adjustment but I felt like we have all found a balance with visitation especially given that we just lost our baby Girl. But my thing Is well last night we'll Call SO's daughter H and my daughter M. H and M Were playing dress up in my clothes and we Were all having a good time before bed. Well when i told them its time for bed fo brush, M said ok mom and so did H. She's never called me mom before and I don't mind it but I froze. She didst notice it and I let it go. Well this morning she's still doing it and I don't have a problem wth it but I'm sure her real mom would. My question is how do I go about saying this with out her feelings being hurt ? I don't want her to ask or feel like M gets to Call me that but she can't. Any kind words or suggestions would be very appreciated as to how to fo about this.(Sorry for being all over the place and typos. I'm on my phone )

♥Jessie♥ Due October 26 (boy); 2 kids; 2 angel babies; Idaho 6107 posts
24th Nov '12

You don't in my opinion. You discuss it with her mother (if possible) and let her make the decision. My daughter calls my fiance daddy. She made the choice to do so. I would never tell her she couldn't call him that as I want her to feel comfortable in our home and in her father's home. Her father knows and he isn't super happy about it but he is still understanding. If he ever got married I would understand Leila calling that woman mommy because that is how it works and the child should feel comfortable in any environment they live in.

HopingforaMiracle 1 child; USA 22840 posts
24th Nov '12

If that's what she wants to call you it's no big deal. She's old enough to decide what to call you

user banned Due January 20; 33 kids; North Carolina 14662 posts
24th Nov '12

If you don't have a problem with it, don't say anything to to her. BUT, do say something to her mother. Let her know that she's been calling you Mom, and make sure she knows that you didn't push it on her, that she just started calling you that. I don't know your relationship with her, but the less drama the better. Make sure she knows you didn't make her do it, or push her into it, and that you're not trying to take her place as her mother.Good Luck

Little Miss Moxie Due January 24; 1 child; Alaska 1038 posts
24th Nov '12

Since she is 7, you can probably explain it to her pretty straight forward. Tell her that it means a lot that she called you that, but that it would make her own mom sad. Maybe have her come up with a different nickname for you, so that she doesn't have to call you by your real name either.

mommyof6girlsand a babybo 7 kids; 92 posts
24th Nov '12

if you think her bio mom would have an issue you could suggest she call you mommy(insert name here) my 11 yo stepdaughter calls me mommy nikki or mama nikki and she calls her step dad daddy jim my oldest daughters call their step parents by their first names they call my husband daddy when they want something lol they are 11 and 13

lolajessup 3 kids; 1 angel baby; Beaverton, Michigan 44070 posts
24th Nov '12

That's very flattering but like its been said it might hurt her moms feelings. Maybe talk to her mom first to see how senfeels about it and if maybe the two of you can decide what you should be called. Then talk to the girl about it.

Plum flippers 17 kids; Tulsa, Oklahoma 68 posts
24th Nov '12

We have very minimal contact with her mom and I don't mind it one bit but we've had her mom having a problem with H calling M her sister. We have a custody agreement in place thru mediation not passed by a judge though. I'm just trying to not rock the boat for when she goes back. I feel if she goes back and mentions it, her mom would keep her and then we wouldn't be able to see her until after we go thru with getting everything official. Overtime something her mom doesn't like happens she keeps her until we go back thru mediation then she seems fine with it. Idk like I said Im just trying to keep peace.

lolajessup 3 kids; 1 angel baby; Beaverton, Michigan 44070 posts
24th Nov '12

<blockquote><b>Quoting Plum flippers:</b>" We have very minimal contact with her mom and I don't mind it one bit but we've had her mom having a ... [snip!] ... she keeps her until we go back thru mediation then she seems fine with it. Idk like I said Im just trying to keep peace."</blockquote>




Yeah but she's gonna be more upset if her dd tells her she called u mom. It's gonna make it look like you made her or something. That's gonna start more drama. Maybe she can call u mama (insert first name here)?

Plum flippers 17 kids; Tulsa, Oklahoma 68 posts
24th Nov '12

Hmm thanks for those ideas. Its still a learning situation for us all. I will Call her mom and attempt to tell her( if she doesnt hang up on me ) but ill know i tried. As for H usually she Calls me hanney. Since my name is hanah thats what she usually Calls me LOL. Thanks again I was so shocked I needed some outside opinions.

Jane.Doe. Fukushima, Japan 2805 posts
24th Nov '12

I would let her call me whatever she wanted honestly. And then jokingly and light heartedly say "Oh H was doing the cutest thing! Anytime M would call me mom, she would too. They are adorable together!" just casually as heck, don't make a big deal out of it and hopefully the mom won't get pissy about it.

Plum flippers 17 kids; Tulsa, Oklahoma 68 posts
24th Nov '12

<blockquote><b>Quoting ♥Jessie♥:</b>" You don't in my opinion. You discuss it with her mother (if possible) and let her make the decision. ... [snip!] ... calling that woman mommy because that is how it works and the child should feel comfortable in any environment they live in."</blockquote>




So far I haven't said anything to her about it. I am going to attempt to tell her mom. I am so thrilled she's comfortable enough to actually Call me that. I just hope her mom understands that Im not in anyway trying to overstep the boundaries.