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Pediatric Counselling Angel [Mariah's Mommy] 1 child; Indianapolis, Indiana 18064 posts
27th Nov '12

My grandpa passed away in April of this year. My 4 year old did not take it well, at all, and is still grieving. I received a text from SO. It said "She just told me that if you have scissors or a knife, and you cut yourself, you can go see Papaw Dick" He said it was completely random, and she said it incredibly nonchalantly much like you would tell some that it's dark outside, then went back to eating her dinner. She knows her Papaw is in heaven, but I don't know how that she concluded that if you cut yourself, you die, and can see him. I'm deeply bothered by this. I didn't want him to scare her, so I called and asked her why she thought that, all she could tell me was that she didn't know. I'm calling her pedi tomorrow, but what could they do for her in counselling?

Autumn Whisper 1 child; Utah 9977 posts
27th Nov '12

She needs to work through her feelings.



It sounds like she also needs to understand the permanence of death, that you can't just take it back.

Buzz and Almond Joys momm 2 kids; Albuquerque, New Mexico 12593 posts
27th Nov '12

Well your primary will make a referral ( as I am sure you knew) they will probably have you go with her, maybe talk without her there and maybe talk with her alone. In sessions they may have her draw her feeling or just play through them. I doubt she will even really understand its "help"

Angel [Mariah's Mommy] 1 child; Indianapolis, Indiana 18064 posts
27th Nov '12
Quoting Buzz and Almond Joys momm:" Well your primary will make a referral ( as I am sure you knew) they will probably have you go with her, ... [snip!] ... In sessions they may have her draw her feeling or just play through them. I doubt she will even really understand its "help""


I dont really mind if she does. I just watched my sister suffer from PTSD at this age. I don't want her to, too. Because it was traumatic, it was sudden, and none of us have coped well.

DeanJade&Mak's Mom 3 kids; Covina, CA, United States 8822 posts
27th Nov '12

I would get her in counseling... I call ur insurance, with my insurance I was able to do a self referal for mental health, and got my son in the next day,



My father and grandmother both died when I was 3, I knew what heaven was but I was under impression that I wasn't able to go there unless I was sick like them, I didn't realize till I was older like in my pre teens abbout suicide ect.



They will prob do play therapy like talking to her while she colors and stuff, I remember that, my mom was always with me till I was about 8-9ish

Buzz and Almond Joys momm 2 kids; Albuquerque, New Mexico 12593 posts
27th Nov '12

<blockquote><b>Quoting Angel [Mariah's Mommy]:</b>" I dont really mind if she does. I just watched my sister suffer from PTSD at this age. I don't want her to, too. Because it was traumatic, it was sudden, and none of us have coped well. "</blockquote>




By that I just meant it will probably be very informal. My son went to a couple sessions cause of his fears. It was just very relaxed. But u get what you are saying- no parent wants their child to go through anything like that.



I lost my mother just after I turned 5 and my great grandpa a week later. Apparently I was quite sad child. I guess everyone knew I was hurting and I did/said very scary things, but here I am 23 yrs old and I have very little memory of how I felt.

Angel [Mariah's Mommy] 1 child; Indianapolis, Indiana 18064 posts
27th Nov '12
Quoting Buzz and Almond Joys momm:" <blockquote><b>Quoting Angel [Mariah's Mommy]:</b>" I dont really mind if she does. ... [snip!] ... knew I was hurting and I did/said very scary things, but here I am 23 yrs old and I have very little memory of how I felt."


I dealt with a lot of death when I was a child/teen as well, it's seriously effected the way I deal with things today, I don't want the same for her at all.. Sorry for your losses, and thank you for the advice.

Buzz and Almond Joys momm 2 kids; Albuquerque, New Mexico 12593 posts
27th Nov '12

<blockquote><b>Quoting Angel [Mariah's Mommy]:</b>" I dealt with a lot of death when I was a child/teen as well, it's seriously effected the way I deal ... [snip!] ... the way I deal with things today, I don't want the same for her at all.. Sorry for your losses, and thank you for the advice."</blockquote>




Thank you. And I am sorry for yours As well. I would not want my children struggling from something like this either. I definently think you are doing good calling her dr and eying her help- however much she made need

Not tellin 3 kids; Montana 55982 posts
27th Nov '12

My girls are 4. They know that you can "get dead" if you run in the street and get run over. They also know that when you "get dead" you go to heaven. I can't help but wonder if your child is putting the two and two together and speaking more matter of factly than anything.



I was very ill when my girls just turned 3. 1 day after their birthday I went into the hospital for a very "routine" surgery. The surgery ended up being more complicated than not and loaded with complications. I spent the entire summer in and out of the hospital and had 5 surgeries. I spent my sons first birthday in the hospital and left with a trauma nurse to attend his party for a few hours and back in again. My girls still talk about it. When I go to the Dr they have to go with me to make sure I come home and they freak out when I go get a shot for a migraine. So, I believe that she can have traumatic memories and issues processing the grief. It is best to open the doors of communication with her. Be strong for her (as hard as that will be for you) and let her talk about what she choses and when she choses. Still contact your pedi and see about some help for her. Just remember, she trusts you the most. She will likely open up to you more than a counselor.

Angel [Mariah's Mommy] 1 child; Indianapolis, Indiana 18064 posts
27th Nov '12
Quoting Not tellin:" My girls are 4. They know that you can "get dead" if you run in the street and get run over. They also ... [snip!] ... and see about some help for her. Just remember, she trusts you the most. She will likely open up to you more than a counselor. "


I have tried, without being pushy, and she won't budge. She's so much like me that a lot of times it scares me. All she will say is "I just miss my Papaw" It could be that she stated it matter of factly, but it still scares me. I've been running through all of the what-ifs because of it.

HopingforaMiracle 1 child; USA 21591 posts
status 27th Nov '12

When I went to counseling (ordered by the courts do to child custody) all they did was drawing and playing. Role playing.

Not tellin 3 kids; Montana 55982 posts
28th Nov '12
Quoting Angel [Mariah's Mommy]:" I have tried, without being pushy, and she won't budge. She's so much like me that a lot of times it ... [snip!] ... be that she stated it matter of factly, but it still scares me. I've been running through all of the what-ifs because of it. "


Trust that she will be fine. I wouldn't worry too much until you see very odd behavior changes. She is young and very emotionaly vested in those around her. She will come out with it when she is ready. Until then, go about a daily routine and aknowledge her requests to talk or not talk. She will talk when she is ready. Maybe you could do a mommy/ daughter spa date. After you are done getting fingers and toes painted, go have ice cream or hot cocoa somewhere and just let her roll with it. I do that with Olivia often.



My girls are twins and I have a 2yr old boy. Victoria is type A personality so when she wants something she has no problem asserting herself. Anthony is 2 and in the "get down, don't run, put that down!" phase of boy crazy so he comands a lot of attention as well. Olivia is Type B personality so she will often get "left behind". She will tend to get withdrawn and her mood starts to shift. When it has been too long (I really try not to let it get to this point) since she has had one on one attention she will look like she is ready to cry at any moment. ANYWAY, I tell you this because when I take her to our mommy/ livy coffee date, she opens up about EVERYTHING. It can be about a story they read at school to her wishing for more time with me or her dad and even about her beinf afraid I won't come home the next time I go to the Dr. I listen a lot and when she shows her fears of something or insecurities, I take that moment to reassure her and let her know that I will always be there. Not only does it serve the purpose of giving her the attention she needs as a 4yr old but, it opens up the doors for later in life when the more serious issues come up. Tori will flap her gums anywhere for any reason. I do give her some one on one time but, she has a much different personality than her sister and she is not afraid to out it infront of anyone where her sister is. Try to make something like this a routine. Like I said, it will help further down the road but for the short term, it will help remind her of "happy" and let her know you are always there for anything. Well, it is also a fun "tradition" type thing to start.

user banned TTC since May 2008; Pounding Mill, VA, United States 3612 posts
28th Nov '12
Quoting Angel [Mariah's Mommy]:" My grandpa passed away in April of this year. My 4 year old did not take it well, at all, and is still ... [snip!] ... all she could tell me was that she didn't know. I'm calling her pedi tomorrow, but what could they do for her in counselling?"


Your gonna put your 4 year old in therapy. You gotta be kidding me.

Angel [Mariah's Mommy] 1 child; Indianapolis, Indiana 18064 posts
28th Nov '12

<blockquote><b>Quoting Not tellin:</b>" Trust that she will be fine. I wouldn't worry too much until you see very odd behavior changes. She ... [snip!] ... her of "happy" and let her know you are always there for anything. Well, it is also a fun "tradition" type thing to start."</blockquote>




Ill try that as well too, thank you. We do have a lot of alone time, but we rarely do spa days and such because of the money, but it's something we could do here too