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Fathers who don't see their children. BeginTheRomance Due July 21 (girl); 1 child; Rochester, New York 373 posts
28th Nov '12

I have recently returned to this site because it helped so much with my first pregnancy. I am now pregnant again and have a few questions for all of you mamas who have dealt with this.




My daughter will be four in Jan. Her father has sent child support for four months out of the entire four years. He hasn't seen her, called her, he hasn't done anything. I am shooting for full custody and will meet with my attorney in December. Have any of you ladies taken your child's father to court? How easy was it? He has told me he would sign off all rights if I don't ask for one penny from him. This is simple enough because I am engaged to someone who treats my daughter and I like gold. Any input would help, I think I am just nervous. I have no reason to be. I have raised her since she was born. Her father is such a scumbag and tries to scare me.

Chef Sarah ♥ Due May 11; 1 child; Hollywood, FL, United States 10401 posts
28th Nov '12

If your finance adopts your daughter, your BD won't have to pay you child support anymore and he won't have any rights to her. He still might have to pay back child support and/or court fees, if any, I think.

Good Queen Bess 2 kids; Ontario 46421 posts
28th Nov '12

You would need to be married for a set amount of time prior to the adoption happening, but once it did, he wouldn't be required to pay child support and he wouldn't have any legal rights.



Also, technically, he isn't required to give you any money because there isn't a child support order in place.

BeginTheRomance Due July 21 (girl); 1 child; Rochester, New York 373 posts
28th Nov '12

He isn't paying child support anymore. He did for like four months and then stopped. I just want to make sure he has no rights at all. I would feel bad if he actually wanted to see his daughter, but he has NO interest. He would make plans and then never show up. I don't want to do that anymore. I know he has to sign off on her, though. He is giving me a hard time because I want to change her last name. I don't understand. If he played an active role, I might think differently. Thank you for your input. <3

BeginTheRomance Due July 21 (girl); 1 child; Rochester, New York 373 posts
28th Nov '12
Quoting speaktruth2powr:" You would need to be married for a set amount of time prior to the adoption happening, but once it did, ... [snip!] ... legal rights. Also, technically, he isn't required to give you any money because there isn't a child support order in place."


That's fine. I don't want any support, I just want full rights. :)

Veronica m6 Due February 25 (boy); Fort Richardson, Alaska 1514 posts
28th Nov '12

You can get full custody and still make him pay. I have done it 3 times. You can get him to sign off his rights but personally, I wouldn't do that. Once his rights are terminated, he no longer owes you/her any form of support. I look at is as a savings account. His is not going to pay or come around either way so take advantage of that. If you don't make him sign over his rights he will always owe you the money however when you daughter starts college, the debt will transfer to her and he will own that to her directly. That will come in handy for a child in college.
Trust me, you can have your cake and eat it too....that is what he is trying to do....:wink:

BeginTheRomance Due July 21 (girl); 1 child; Rochester, New York 373 posts
28th Nov '12
Quoting VERONICA. MOM OF 6:" You can get full custody and still make him pay. I have done it 3 times. You can get him to sign off ... [snip!] ... in handy for a child in college. Trust me, you can have your cake and eat it too....that is what he is trying to do....:wink:"


It's nice to hear about other mothers going through it/ have gone through it. Not that I wish you had. ( At all)
You're right, though. I just get tired of dealing with him and don't want him getting any nastier with me. I wouldn't say I am scared of him, just tired of having to deal with him.

Veronica m6 Due February 25 (boy); Fort Richardson, Alaska 1514 posts
28th Nov '12
Quoting BeginTheRomance:" It's nice to hear about other mothers going through it/ have gone through it. Not that I wish you had. ... [snip!] ... him and don't want him getting any nastier with me. I wouldn't say I am scared of him, just tired of having to deal with him."


I have a restraining order on my son's father because he is violent, I got full custody and he still has to pay his child support.. Talk to a lawyer and find out your options.
Wishing you the best.

BeginTheRomance Due July 21 (girl); 1 child; Rochester, New York 373 posts
28th Nov '12
Quoting VERONICA. MOM OF 6:" I have a restraining order on my son's father because he is violent, I got full custody and he still has to pay his child support.. Talk to a lawyer and find out your options. Wishing you the best."



So glad your babies and yourself are safe. <3 Thank you.

user banned 3 kids; Ontario 10942 posts
28th Nov '12

I took my 10 yr olds dad to court. I have full custody and he had his rights taken away altogether. The judged just did it.
He was ordered to pay me child support and did twice then quit his job and has never worked since (on disability now) so he don't have the money to pay.



He lost his rights 8 yrs ago but he still sees her on occasion when his family takes her like once every few months