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Party of FIVE! 3 kids; Romania 37562 posts
29th Nov '12
Quoting Drew Peacock:" 44% of women under the age of 18 have not been raped it's 44% of women who have been raped are under ... [snip!] ... feel for you and what you have been through. Edit: http://www.rainn.org/get-information/statistics/sexual-assault-victims"


Good catch!!! That is totally what I meant. Thank you.

Hairspray 18 kids; Ohio 7391 posts
29th Nov '12
Quoting RonniG:" Your story is great but you aren't a very good writer. It flows terribly and is full of grammatical errors ... [snip!] ... as style errors. I hope you don't actually get paid to write. Not trying to be super mean. You asked my opinion. I gave it."


STFU you couldn't have thought of any better way to say that?

RonniG Due July 19; 1 child; Plentywood, Montana 2036 posts
29th Nov '12
Quoting Party of FIVE!:" No, I do not get paid to write. That was kinda bitchy of you. But could you please tell me the errors. I know I am not a great writer, hence WHY I asked. I do this for a site that helps women."


There are really too many errors to address. Follow the post below my first one. You really need many people to proof read this and tear it apart. It could take hours. I don't have that kind of time.

Historymomma 2 kids; La Grange, North Carolina 403 posts
29th Nov '12

<blockquote><b>Quoting Drew Peacock:</b>" 44% of women under the age of 18 have not been raped it's 44% of women who have been raped are under ... [snip!] ... feel for you and what you have been through. Edit: http://www.rainn.org/get-information/statistics/sexual-assault-victims"</blockquote>




Yes, I also questioned these statistics. Appeared horribly inaccurate, and require much more research.

RonniG Due July 19; 1 child; Plentywood, Montana 2036 posts
29th Nov '12
Quoting Hairspray:" STFU you couldn't have thought of any better way to say that?"


Someone had to tell her the truth. I like what she is trying to say, I just don't think telling her it is "great" is a good idea, especially if she is trying to get it published

Not here to please you 3 kids; Jacksonville, Florida 2214 posts
29th Nov '12

Your really brave to tell your story to other people. It had me in tears I can feel where your coming from. I do agree with the others with it sounds a little choppy, and there were some spelling errors. But I have to say I'm glad you wrote this to help others, I know I couldn't do it personally. And I pray your story helps many other women going threw this out there.

DifferentDay Due June 2; 34 kids; Tennessee 3473 posts
29th Nov '12

Story is sad as hell sorry you went through that but it also sounded like you didn't understand the definition of rape, molestation, and low self esteem. That was really confusing. You mention only two times you were raped, but yet went on to say several times about how you would say no and the guys would keep at it, or you just didn't care anymore, like you stopped fighting their advances. If it was penetration it's still rape after you say no or cannot consent bc of drugs/alcohol. Other than that yeah there's some simple spelling mistakes here and there and no I don't think it flows well. It was kind of long and drawn out. I wanted so badly just to skip through it really but you asked for advice so I read it twice just to be sure.

Charlee ♥ Jensen 3 kids; Iowa 56325 posts
29th Nov '12

That was amazing!! I am so proud of you for being able to write about your experiences



*fell victim
*healing

MommyToWesley 1 child; Delaware 3847 posts
29th Nov '12
Quoting RonniG:" Your story is great but you aren't a very good writer. It flows terribly and is full of grammatical errors ... [snip!] ... as style errors. I hope you don't actually get paid to write. Not trying to be super mean. You asked my opinion. I gave it."


Wow. Not the time or place. She asked for help; not for you being a raging bitch. You seriously could not think of ANY other way to say that?! I have no words. Just wow.



OP, there are some spelling and grammatical errors, but it was beautifully written and an amazing story. I don't think I could ever be as brave as you were in writing this.

MommyToWesley 1 child; Delaware 3847 posts
29th Nov '12
Quoting RonniG:" Someone had to tell her the truth. I like what she is trying to say, I just don't think telling her it is "great" is a good idea, especially if she is trying to get it published"


You don't have to tell her it's great to be helpful :roll:

Not here to please you 3 kids; Jacksonville, Florida 2214 posts
29th Nov '12
Quoting MommyToWesley:" Wow. Not the time or place. She asked for help; not for you being a raging bitch. You seriously could ... [snip!] ... but it was beautifully written and an amazing story. I don't think I could ever be as brave as you were in writing this."


Agree ^

RonniG Due July 19; 1 child; Plentywood, Montana 2036 posts
29th Nov '12

God forbid someone should give an honest, educated opinion when asked. Honestly, I was not trying to be a raging bitch. I think it would be great if her story got published because it is a valuable perspective. I'm just saying it is far from good enough. To redeam myself, I'll even make the time to edit it if she wants. Geez...

MommyToWesley 1 child; Delaware 3847 posts
29th Nov '12
Quoting RonniG:" God forbid someone should give an honest, educated opinion when asked. Honestly, I was not trying to ... [snip!] ... I'm just saying it is far from good enough. To redeam myself, I'll even make the time to edit it if she wants. Geez..."


As I already said, you can give an honest, educated opinion without being mean. Considering that you can't spell either, I wouldn't think of it as a super educated opinion. Whether you meant to or not, you came off as a huge bitch, and it wasn't necessary.

RonniG Due July 19; 1 child; Plentywood, Montana 2036 posts
29th Nov '12
Quoting MommyToWesley:" As I already said, you can give an honest, educated opinion without being mean. Considering that you ... [snip!] ... think of it as a super educated opinion. Whether you meant to or not, you came off as a huge bitch, and it wasn't necessary."


Haha I can't spell very well. No. I'm a big fan of spell check. And typing with one hand isn't helping. I do have a BA in Communication and I can help her if she wants help. I am sorry for coming off as a "raging bitch."

FroggysMommy 1 child; Golden, Colorado 27451 posts
29th Nov '12
Quoting RonniG:" Your story is great but you aren't a very good writer. It flows terribly and is full of grammatical errors ... [snip!] ... as style errors. I hope you don't actually get paid to write. Not trying to be super mean. You asked my opinion. I gave it."


I agree, and I'm not trying to be mean.



As an English major, I'm reading this and going "this needs to be edited quite a lot for publication purposes." It's not a bad story, really it isn't! But there are a lot of things that you may not even know what you are doing is "wrong." If you'd like I can edit it with some suggestions and see if you like what I fix. I am NOT trying to be a bitch either... I just read "articles" and know that it doesn't stand up to publication quality. It's not crap though... it's just your first edit ;) Look at it that way!



That being said, if you want me to edit it I need to know a few things. What kind of audience are you looking for? Is this for an established magazine/web site? Just give me some info of your target and where it is being published so I can tell you the right way to edit the article to match the standards of the site/magazine. As it stands, you shouldn't ever write in first person for a publication like this. THAT BEING SAID..... you can do it if you write in such a way to take total focus of yourself or it being so personal, and matching your own feelings with the feelings of the audience, if that makes sense.