Reply
so confused... update on SO's mom. Kimber's Mommy 1 child; South Carolina 4272 posts
29th Nov '12

update from my previous post.




we went to the hospital tonight because SO's dad wanted him there when he disconnected SO's mom's life support. we got a phone call before we left that her heart was all over the place and needed more medicine to get it stable again. his dad said on the phone "she may not pull out of this one." like he's been waiting for her to wake up all along. we were told last night she was going to die and to come say goodbye. we found out today she was actually still on life support but he was going to be cutting it off because her kidneys and liver are failing and the brain damage is so bad. his dad is acting very strange... like it's a family reunion or something. he's acting like this happens every day and everything is going to be ok (after he said earlier today he was going to let her go). he's giving us absolutely no information and there was no one around to talk to while we were there (plus his dad was around us the whole time and kept saying the same crap over and over). we are both just really confused as to what is going on and it is tearing SO apart. he doesn't want his mom to suffer anymore (she also has cancer and diabetes and is just overall sick). we don't know what's going on and are being told two different things at all times. SO took off work today because he was told his mother was dying in the night. his mom is still technically dying but it is being drawn out now. he's so torn apart and upset that i am going in to his work in the morning to talk to his supervisors and managers and tell them the current situation. we've been told now twice she was going to die and then we get there and his dad is just acting fine. i mean literally just fine.



idk... we're just both confused and scared. please continue praying..

user banned Due July 3; 2 kids; Australia 14351 posts
29th Nov '12

Maybe he is putting on a brave face for everyone. Maybe its his way of dealing with losing his wife

✿LilyBear09✿ 1 child; Oregon 5006 posts
29th Nov '12

His dad is probably in shock and doesn't really know how to act. It might be a good idea to help him get ahold of a hospital social worker, pastor or counselor. Try and be as understanding as you can. I'm so sorry your family is going though this. Having gone though the death of a parent, my heart is with the two of you.

user banned 3 kids; Washington 15083 posts
29th Nov '12

His dad probably wants her to pull through, even though it is highly unlikely.



And he could be acting just fine because he is trying to stay strong. I don't know what he is saying over and over again, maybe he is looking for affirmation on the right thing to do.

Kimber's Mommy 1 child; South Carolina 4272 posts
29th Nov '12

he told us (literally early this afternoon) that he wanted us at the hospital tonight to take her off life support. we got there, very nervous and scared, and nothing happened. he acted like everything was fine. idk, it's weird. i get being strong, but he's flip flopping and it's strange. it's not strength, it's denial... he's going back and forth between reality and denial is what it seems like.
he says one thing on the phone to us and does another when we're there.
SO is very frustrated that he doesn't understand what's going on and is scared for his mother. he's very upset BECAUSE he is frustrated... i really just don't know what to do



:(

user banned 3 kids; Washington 15083 posts
29th Nov '12

<blockquote><b>Quoting K.MarieAnnette:</b>" he told us (literally early this afternoon) that he wanted us at the hospital tonight to take her off ... [snip!] ... going on and is scared for his mother. he's very upset BECAUSE he is frustrated... i really just don't know what to do :("</blockquote>




It sounds like you need to get in touch with the hospitals Chaplin to speak with both FIL.
Your FIL might need your SO to tell him it's time to let her go. Does she have a DNR?

Kimber's Mommy 1 child; South Carolina 4272 posts
30th Nov '12
Quoting ♫ boobook ♫:" <blockquote><b>Quoting K.MarieAnnette:</b>" he told us (literally early this afternoon) ... [snip!] ... Chaplin to speak with both FIL. Your FIL might need your SO to tell him it's time to let her go. Does she have a DNR?"


i don't know if she has a legal DNR. i know that she has spoken about being on life support before and didn't want to be.