I want to save my marriage. But I can't get him to admit anything. He says there's no feelings, and I've been looking into cheap counselling around our area, but until then this is still a problem. He swears up and down that there are no feelings.
I hate to say it but there are many things wrong with this picture. First of all he should respect your wishes when it comes to asking him to end his relationship with her. How would he feel if the roles were reversed and you were carrying on such an in depth "friendship" with another man? I'm sure he wouldn't appreciate it one bit so it's totally unfair of him to continue on with this, especially after you've asked him so many times not to. You're not asking much of him anyway.
Here's how it SHOULD go:
You: "I don't mean to sound controlling or anything but your relationship with your coworker makes me uncomfortable. Would you mind not talking to her anymore? I know you guys are friends but I would appreciate it."
Him: "I'm sorry our relationship makes you feel uncomfortable and I certainly don't want you to continue feeling that way. I think it's an unfortunate situation but out of respect for our relationship I will stop talking to her. Sorry I made you feel bad."
That's what should have happened and it obviously didn't go that way. I'm usually pretty critical of people who ask their SOs to stop talking to people based on feelings of jealousy but this is different. She makes you uncomfortable and it sounds like you've asked him nicely to refrain from being so involved with her. There's no reason he shouldn't be able to comply with your requests.
I'm sorry to say this but the fact that he is so touchy about it all makes it seem as if there's more to this than he's admitting to. If he wasn't doing anything wrong he would simply apologize for making you feel uncomfortable, quit talking to this girl, and mover on with life. Obviously that's not the case though so there's more to this than meets the eye.
Quoting [Living Dead Girl]:" I want to save my marriage. But I can't get him to admit anything. He says there's no feelings, and I've ... [snip!] ... cheap counselling around our area, but until then this is still a problem. He swears up and down that there are no feelings."
Then ask him why he's so touchy about you asking him a very simple favor. He shouldn't be getting upset over a simple request to stop talking to this woman. He should also recognize that no matter how you slice it, it's totally inappropriate for a married man to send 500+ text messages to another woman in just one month. There's no way around it... None. There is NO legitimate reason as to why he should be talking to her so much, *especially* when you've told him it makes you feel uncomfortable.
How did he explain the 500 texts?
Quoting Raptor Jesus:" I hate to say it but there are many things wrong with this picture. First of all he should respect your ... [snip!] ... talking to this girl, and mover on with life. Obviously that's not the case though so there's more to this than meets the eye. "
When I asked him why it's so important for him to be friends with her he said in his past he couldn't be friends with girls without his d**k getting into the way, and now that he's married he doesn't have to worry about that. I'm just at a loss.
Sounds like he cheating IMO. Especially if he doesnt care about your feeling and talking to another woman about y'all relationship. He shouldnt be talking to any other woman about y'all relationship and what y'all do. And she shouldnt be in your car alone with him what so ever being that he married. He should respect you as his wife and it doesnt seem like he does at all. If he did he would stop txting her and talking to her. Instead he lieing to you to your face.
Quoting [Living Dead Girl]:" The question is.. should I be worried about HER? She says she told him deleting texts were wrong and ... [snip!] ... she was going to "back off" because she saw it was upsetting me. But there she was still texting and going to coffee with him"
If she is repeating stuff you did tell your dh then it's (imo) NOT just her. You don't text that much and not mention it either.
It doesn't matter if she's a slut or not, no girl ever MAKES a guy cheat. Not saying it's not both people's fault if cheating does happen, but if something is going on it's not just about her. Obviously you don't trust him, and it sounds to me like you have good reason not to. That said, don't blame it all on her if you find out something IS happening. It sounds to me like you're trying to make excuses for him, like she's slutty and she likes to hit on married men, etc. But like I said, if he makes that decision, that's on him, not her. Hold him responsible for his own actions. He is being shady, take it up with him.
Quoting October2011:" How did he explain the 500 texts?"
I asked what they could possibly be texting about and he said "work related, and how each other is doing that day" but they were texting WHILE at work with each other. And they're barely 50 feet away from each other. And they have the EXACT same schedule.
Quoting Chuck Bass:" It doesn't matter if she's a slut or not, no girl ever MAKES a guy cheat. Not saying it's not both people's ... [snip!] ... makes that decision, that's on him, not her. Hold him responsible for his own actions. He is being shady, take it up with him. "
Oh, and I forgot to add this. While he was at the bar she was asking if he was on the "leash" tonight. And he said he was his friends wingman and she said if she wasn't busy she'd go and have a few drinks with him. He was saying how he worries about her and the turn signals on her car. Then After he said he'd stop texting her the second time.. he did. Apparently her car was low on gas and he said he was worried if she got home or not. She has other people to worry about her. Why should he? Then she was in the hospital and left work one night he sent her like 5 texts in a row asking if she was okay.
Quoting Raptor Jesus:" Then ask him why he's so touchy about you asking him a very simple favor. He shouldn't be getting upset ... [snip!] ... reason as to why he should be talking to her so much, *especially* when you've told him it makes you feel uncomfortable."
I asked. He said because I was making him feel like a caged animal. The ONLY girl I made him stop talking to was one of his ex's. He's had female co workers before. Our age. He's helped her move and everything and not once did I ever worry. He claims he's friends with her because she's the only one his age. Which I doubt.
This sounds like what my husband did. He was texting someone from the moment he woke up to the moment he went to sleep. Claimed it was one of his guy friends, but I knew better. Then he ended up telling me that some girl told him she had feelings for him, he told me I didn't know her but I did. I looked her number up on our phone bill and called her and told her to leave my husband alone. We got into a huge fight and he told me he wanted a divorce. I later found out she was 17, pregnant with her 2nd child and worked with him. They had been talking for quite awhile. He left me and our 3 kids for some little slut because I wouldn't kiss his ass. If I were you I'd give him the ultimatum, either quit talking to her or leave. He sounds like he doesn't respect you at all.
im sorry...but it doesnt sound good. at all. The only time you text the opposite sex like that is if you're flirting hardcore. Ugh what an ass.