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opinions. please? (long) V & E's Mom! 2 kids; Stockton, California 4782 posts
2nd Dec '12

if you have read my past posts then great, if not thats fine too, any questions you have regarding the past will be answered as long as your not going to be judgy. opinions is fine, but they dont need to be rude opinions.



I have a sorta family friend who is older than i am. hes in his mid 30's, and i just turned 21. never has there been ANY sexual nature or any kind of sexual conversation between us (just throwing that out there now). He has asked me if i wanted to move to Dallas, Texas with him. Next month. i just started a job here in california, after struggling to find one, but my situation with BD is not getting any better, if not its getting worse, to the point where im struggling every day to keep a smile on my face, and where i seriously debate daily on whether i want to even keep this baby. with how shitty things are i know that if i stay here, i will have major post partum depression. I had it with DD, and things werent nearly this bad, to the point where i wanted nothing to do with her, and seeing her just made me angry. I dont feel that way about her now, shes my light at the tunnel, but i dont want to feel that way about this baby as well.



with this opportunity, he has offered to pay all my monthly bills, and take care of my rent while i live there until i find a job that i can cover what he was paying for. i pointed out that it could take years, (i hope not) and his response was i know it could take a long time, but as long as im not being a lazy "shit" and looking he has no problem with it. i asked him what is expected in return for me, he said nothing because its benefiting him. he doesnt qualify for financial aid for school by him self, but if he started taking care of me, and my 2 kids, he would. and because he is moving for a company promotion he would have a friend who isnt apart of the company.



i brought it up to BD because every time we fight (we do it often) he holds the fact that im living under his roof for free, and that maybe i should just move out, or start paying rent. He knows as well as i do if i move out i dont have family or a "home" to go to, and he knows as well as i do, that i dont make enough to pay rent in any way, because im far behind on bills (since August) that i HAVE to catch up on. i wouldnt be in this situation if it wasnt for him, but i am, and i hate it. his thoughts were, why not live where someone is going to pay for everything for you? i said, "you wouldnt care that im taking your daughter out of state, and you wont even be there for the birth of your second daughter?" he said, "its not like i wouldnt visit when i can, and not like i wouldnt move to where ever you go the first chance i got.."



hes not very motivated and chances are, if i move i would never see him again, unless i came back to California.



so what is your opinion? should i take this opportunity and mooch off of my friends income until i can get settled and take care of things on my own? or should i stay so my girls have their dad, and me just deal with the emotions that this a*****e puts me through? im torn. because i want my girls to have their dad, but im SO UNHAPPY here.. like.. self harm unhappy.

☠Jenniefahhh 1 child; Djibouti 70787 posts
2nd Dec '12

He doesn't qualify for financial aid but with you he will.. Yet he'll pay for everything you need?



Why does he need the financial aid? Seems like he's doing fine without it.

}~bAtMaN~{ 3 kids; Washington 367 posts
2nd Dec '12

i'd move to be honest!

diiamondchula 18 kids; Toms River, New Jersey 754 posts
2nd Dec '12

i would go there but write out a contract saying what you will do (like look for job and clean the house) as we as what you will pay back and when you get a job how much you will be rent

}~bAtMaN~{ 3 kids; Washington 367 posts
2nd Dec '12
Quoting diiamondchula:" i would go there but write out a contract saying what you will do (like look for job and clean the house) as we as what you will pay back and when you get a job how much you will be rent"


this!!^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

r a b b i t ™ 1 child; Wildcat stuck in the Cards-nation, KY, United States 27518 posts
2nd Dec '12

Your mental health plays a huge role in the emotional development of your children. If you are miserable where you are right now, then some change might do you good. If this guy really is sincere in helping you and not wanting anything in return, I would count it as a gift from god and go. BD is obviously just adding more stress than helping, and it sounds like your friend is genuinely trying to help you.



Personally, if I was in your shoes I would go. If momma ain't happy, nobody's happy. Who knows...there might be a very bright future waiting for you in Texas. If BD wants to be a part of the girls' lives, he'll find a way to make it happen. You can only do so much from your end though and when you leave, make sure he understands that the ball is in his court.

r a b b i t ™ 1 child; Wildcat stuck in the Cards-nation, KY, United States 27518 posts
2nd Dec '12
Quoting ☠Jenniefahhh:" He doesn't qualify for financial aid but with you he will.. Yet he'll pay for everything you need? Why does he need the financial aid? Seems like he's doing fine without it."


School is way more expensive than rent, if he's going to a university or private institution. There's a uni here that costs $40k per semester in tuition alone.

OnToTheNext1 2 kids; Hyattsville, Maryland 1239 posts
2nd Dec '12

Personally i would move to Texas, not to be a mooch but to have a clean slate and better start and life for you and your girls. He obviously doesn't care much about the mental health of his kids if he's fighting with you and throwing it in your face that you have no where to go. You're the mother of his kids and your kids react to your emotions. Don't let anyone make you not want your baby if that's what you really want.



This man had offered you the chance of a lifetime!! Take it and let their father decide how much he will be in their life. You enjoy your kids and your life because your kids are only young once and if you spend it miserable you will regret it later. Not to mention you will regret spending your life like that.

V & E's Mom! 2 kids; Stockton, California 4782 posts
2nd Dec '12
Quoting ☠Jenniefahhh:" He doesn't qualify for financial aid but with you he will.. Yet he'll pay for everything you need? Why does he need the financial aid? Seems like he's doing fine without it."


we would count as "dependents" and yes he is doing fine without it, but its extremely expensive to go to school for what he is trying to do. it would be cheaper to help me, and help me get on my feet than for him to pay out of pocket for his schooling.

V & E's Mom! 2 kids; Stockton, California 4782 posts
2nd Dec '12
Quoting diiamondchula:" i would go there but write out a contract saying what you will do (like look for job and clean the house) as we as what you will pay back and when you get a job how much you will be rent"


well he already said he wont accept any money in return, but he said obviously housekeeping is necessary (i would do it regardless, my girls wont live in filth) and when i get a new job, he would help me settle in to my own place, (pay deposits on starting all new bills, like rent, electricity and such) after a month of me saving my checks. i am certified in a couple of medical fields, so im not looking to get a minimum wage job, im looking to get a job in medical field. (he understands that i may have to wait for my licenses to be carried over, if Texas requires these specific licenses)

Amber ♡ Due August 13 (boy); 1 child; Kansas 18683 posts
2nd Dec '12

It sounds like this move could really benefit you and your children. I personally would go.

☠Jenniefahhh 1 child; Djibouti 70787 posts
2nd Dec '12
Quoting V & E's Mom! [26 weeks]:" we would count as "dependents" and yes he is doing fine without it, but its extremely expensive to ... [snip!] ... trying to do. it would be cheaper to help me, and help me get on my feet than for him to pay out of pocket for his schooling."


I know how financial aid works.

V & E's Mom! 2 kids; Stockton, California 4782 posts
2nd Dec '12
Quoting ☠Jenniefahhh:" I know how financial aid works."


Then why'd you ask?

diiamondchula 18 kids; Toms River, New Jersey 754 posts
2nd Dec '12
Quoting V & E's Mom! [26 weeks]:" well he already said he wont accept any money in return, but he said obviously housekeeping is necessary ... [snip!] ... field. (he understands that i may have to wait for my licenses to be carried over, if Texas requires these specific licenses)"

well then on the contract write down that he doesnt want anything in return. this is just to kind of protect yourself you know! you never know so better safe than sorry!

V & E's Mom! 2 kids; Stockton, California 4782 posts
2nd Dec '12
Quoting diiamondchula:" well then on the contract write down that he doesnt want anything in return. this is just to kind of protect yourself you know! you never know so better safe than sorry!"


Yeah makes sense... well i guess im gonna start applying for some jobs, and sit down with him tomorrow about moving. He's going on Wednesday to look at houses.