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Am I over reacting and just being hormonal? aperkins Due December 31; 4 kids; Indiana 900 posts
3rd Dec '12

I'm almost 36 weeks pregnant. Yesturday my little girls who are 5 and 6 had a free skating party to go to where they got to choose presents for my husband and I. They would wrap them, the whole family could skate, and they provided dinner. I got it approved where my step daughter who has a bad knee and I could just walk beside the little girls instead of skating but so we could still help them without them getting hurt. It had been planned for over a month.



Well yesturday knowing we were going to do it my step daughter in front of all the youth informs me she doesnt want to go and help with the kids. So she then tells my husband she doesnt want to so he doesnt make her. So we couldnt go cause my husband couldnt help with the girls cause he has issues with his feet and can't be out on the floor without shoes without getting them hurt worse.



I feel like my wish's and wants didnt matter and all that matter was what she wanted. We have a low income budget due to my ex husband not paying support we can hardly afford to do fun things and when we do its normal centered around the bigger kids. My husband is still paying support on his daughter and son and the daughter lives with us. So this was free and the little girls would of had a blast but they didnt get to all becasue in my eyes the step daughter was being selfish.



So Dh and I got in a huge fight and it blew up to me saying I'm sick of giving to an ungreatful selfish teenager. I then out of anger said I didnt want her a part of my family and I wasnt going to go out of my way to help her all the time anymore. He said in return to me then just leave. I know what I said to him was wrong and I tried to talk to him and say I was sorry and asked if we could takl and fix it. He said its been fixed, I'm not mad, and then went to sleep. He didnt touch me all night there was a huge space in the bed between us. This mornign he didnt tell me bye or kiss me nor did he say I love you.
I'm so lost and dont knwo what to do

heygirlheyyy♥ 1 child; Iowa 1303 posts
3rd Dec '12

Why couldn't she just stay home then?

tooodles 240 kids; Thailand 5075 posts
3rd Dec '12

Yeeeeah you fucked up big time!! Give him his space and wait to see if/when he wants to talk. If I were him I would be severely hurt and would not want anything to do with you for a while. You definitely overreacted.

Crystal 3 kids; Hephzibah, Georgia 15418 posts
3rd Dec '12

She didn't HAVE to go. You could have helped them by yourself, you have 2 hands. I don't have much sympathy for you here, to be honest. What you said was horrible and I probably would have left your ass for a while, so you could think about it. Nobody comes before my kids.



There was absolutely no reason you couldn't have still went. I'm sure some other Parent would have helped out if you really needed it. Don't blame this all on another CHILD.

ChubbyCheekers 2 kids; New York 3117 posts
3rd Dec '12

Sounds like your stepdaughter didn't want to go and be the odd man out. She may have felt self-conscious about not being able to participate and didn't want to draw attention to herself. You should have tried to be more sympathetic, and maybe sat down and talked to her calmly about how she was feeling.



Sorry, but for your husband, his daughter SHOULD come first. I don't blame him for being upset...he did the right thing. You should NEVER make him choose between you and his daughter. Good for him for choosing her.

aperkins Due December 31; 4 kids; Indiana 900 posts
3rd Dec '12
Quoting heygirlheyyy♥:" Why couldn't she just stay home then?"


Because I'm high risk and we asked her a month ago if she would help and go with us to help with one of the girls so I wasnt pulled by both of them and fall and get hurt or them get hurt. She agreed and said she would before I rsvp to it.

Donna Jo Tanner 1 child; Beach Haven, New Jersey 6440 posts
3rd Dec '12

It wasn't fair of him to make everyone be upset and not go for one person who didn't want to go. It should have a "I'm sorry sweetie but everyone else wants to go, they out voted you. You don't have to participate in everything but you have to go."
She probably would have ended up liking it.
BUT what both of you said was wrong and to me you were being a pouty baby about it. She's a child. She is going to be dificult at times and want what she wants. You are supposed to be the adult and sometime have to put your wants aside for what they want/need. You are with someone who has a child that isnt yours, you knew what you were getting into. And if you didn't you had the option to walk away when you found out. He should have said what he said either. Just give him some time and don't stop trying to talk about it.

ChubbyCheekers 2 kids; New York 3117 posts
3rd Dec '12
Quoting Crystal Marie S.:" She didn't HAVE to go. You could have helped them by yourself, you have 2 hands. I don't have much sympathy ... [snip!] ... still went. I'm sure some other Parent would have helped out if you really needed it. Don't blame this all on another CHILD."

:!:



Sounds like you're jealous of your stepdaughter, and that you are the one being selfish and throwing a tantrum.

heygirlheyyy♥ 1 child; Iowa 1303 posts
3rd Dec '12

<blockquote><b>Quoting aperkins:</b>" Because I'm high risk and we asked her a month ago if she would help and go with us to help with one ... [snip!] ... so I wasnt pulled by both of them and fall and get hurt or them get hurt. She agreed and said she would before I rsvp to it."</blockquote>



Well she's a teenager. They change their mind so much depending on what kind of mood they're in. I don't think what you said to your husband was right. You married him and took in his children as well. Imagine if rolls were reversed and he said that about your daughter?

κατι 1 child; Memphis, Tennessee 3143 posts
3rd Dec '12

Major over reaction.
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aperkins Due December 31; 4 kids; Indiana 900 posts
3rd Dec '12
Quoting Lizplustwo:" Sounds like your stepdaughter didn't want to go and be the odd man out. She may have felt self-conscious ... [snip!] ... upset...he did the right thing. You should NEVER make him choose between you and his daughter. Good for him for choosing her."


I never wanted it to come out as him choosing between me and her. I was just stating I was sick of trying to be a part of her life when it clearly isnt working. I try to be there for her and help her. But I expect when I ask for help from her which isnt very often she comes and goes here as she pleases and she agrees to help she should follow threw.



I asked before asking her if there would be volunteers to help with the girls and I was told no but that if I found someone they would allow them to walk with me.

Donna Jo Tanner 1 child; Beach Haven, New Jersey 6440 posts
3rd Dec '12

I doubled posted somehow.

aperkins Due December 31; 4 kids; Indiana 900 posts
3rd Dec '12
Quoting Jenna+1:" It wasn't fair of him to make everyone be upset and not go for one person who didn't want to go. It should ... [snip!] ... when you found out. He should have said what he said either. Just give him some time and don't stop trying to talk about it."


She's not a child tho. shes 18 we pay for everything for her and she lives here for free.

Donna Jo Tanner 1 child; Beach Haven, New Jersey 6440 posts
3rd Dec '12

<blockquote><b>Quoting aperkins:</b>" She's not a child tho. shes 18 we pay for everything for her and she lives here for free."</blockquote>




But she is still a child! And if she's f**king 18 you should have left her home
And went alone. Don't give me this high risk bs, high risk you probably wouldn't be going at all. There is no difference between walking one child around and two. Sorry.

Crystal 3 kids; Hephzibah, Georgia 15418 posts
3rd Dec '12
Quoting aperkins:" She's not a child tho. shes 18 we pay for everything for her and she lives here for free."

She's his Child, regardless of age. Just because they turn that magical number 18 doesn't mean they should automatically be thrown into the world to fend for themselves. They might still need to be taught and guided.