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My husband told me he thinks he's gay SaraBelle 2 kids; 1 angel baby; Bentonville, AR, United States 1880 posts
5th Dec '12

*PLEASE DON'T QUOTE* My husband and I have been separated for 3 months since I found out he was cheating on me again. I saw him on Halloween he said he needed 6 months to figure out what he wants to do. He has been staying with a friend who is gay and yesterday when I saw my husband he told me he thinks he's gay. I am completely devastated, I feel like my whole marriage has been a lie, I feel betrayed because he said he thinks he had these feeling before he asked me to marry him. We are about to have our second child, and dealing with the cheating was bad enough, but this is just impossible to accept. I really wanted to make a decision about what he wants to do now, but I ended up telling him he couldn't have six months anymore, I needed to know what he is planning to do before I go into labor. I also feel like I have this false hope that this is all a mistake because he has been living with his gay friend and is just confused. I was finally able to start sleeping, eating without getting sick, and making it through a whole day without crying after the whole cheating thing, and now since he told me this I have completely fallen apart. He told me I can't tell anyone which makes it soo hard because I need somebody to talk to. Which is why I came here, because nobody knows him from Adam. I know this is not a common thing, but has anyone gone through this? *PLEASE DON'T QUOTE*

HotMom21ERF Due December 17; 1 child; Kentucky 19590 posts
5th Dec '12

oh my goodness hun. im so sorry.

HotMom21ERF Due December 17; 1 child; Kentucky 19590 posts
5th Dec '12

double post

Turtley Mikey Due October 31; 2 kids; California 50611 posts
5th Dec '12

I'm sorry, I have not been through anything like that.



Wow. :(

speaktruth2powr 2 kids; Ontario 45005 posts
5th Dec '12

I understand you feel betrayed, but he is probably feeling just as horrible as you do.



I would suggest going to see a marriage counselor....not a religious one.

Xsecure mommaX Due December 13; Michigan 56 posts
5th Dec '12

my sisters ex husnabd who shs was married to for like 4-5 years and htey have a child together, is gay. after they got divorced he went to some gay outings and then got a bf. hes been much happier and so has she once they each moved on. it was kinda weird but in retrospect we always knew he was gay...

SaraBelle 2 kids; 1 angel baby; Bentonville, AR, United States 1880 posts
5th Dec '12

<blockquote><b>Quoting speaktruth2powr:</b>" I understand you feel betrayed, but he is probably feeling just as horrible as you do. I would suggest going to see a marriage counselor....not a religious one. "</blockquote>




We were in marriage counseling when I found out he was cheating again and he refuses to talk to anyone about it.

speaktruth2powr 2 kids; Ontario 45005 posts
5th Dec '12
Quoting Sara *Aiden's Mommy*:" <blockquote><b>Quoting speaktruth2powr:</b>" I understand you feel betrayed, but he ... [snip!] ... We were in marriage counseling when I found out he was cheating again and he refuses to talk to anyone about it."


He is probably very confused and just needs time to sort this out.



As long as he is being a good father, do what you can to support him....as hard as that is...



ETA: By confused I don't mean about his sexuality, I mean about what to do next....

user banned 3 kids; Los Angeles, California 54034 posts
5th Dec '12

I'm sorry.




If he had these feelings before, it's likely he isn't just confused, but has been denying who he is because of social norms and what not.



I understand that you feel absolutely devastated, but maybe some counseling would help you at least come through this as best friends and great co-parents, if nothing more.



At any rate, there's a lot of communication that's going to have to happen. I wish you guys the best of luck.

kthx. TTC since Nov 2012; Cleves, Ohio 65258 posts
5th Dec '12
Quoting speaktruth2powr:" I understand you feel betrayed, but he is probably feeling just as horrible as you do. I would suggest going to see a marriage counselor....not a religious one. "


:!: OP, he may have known he was gay when he asked you to marry him. But a lot of men try and tell themselves it's not true... so they find a 'beard' (someone of the opposite sex) to make it look like they're straight. Seems like you were his beard :(




I know it's going to hurt... but you have to understand what he's going through. Though I don't excuse his cheating, that was wrong no matter if he was confused or not, you do need to talk to him about this. In a calm way. Support him. He may still want to be there for you and the babies. You're the mother of his children... he'll always love you. But he just may not be able to have a sexual relationship with you anymore.



Hang in there<3

user banned 2 kids; Fucking, Austria 36337 posts
5th Dec '12

I'm so sorry :(

Vile Tramp 2 kids; New York 32363 posts
5th Dec '12

I have not been through the SAME thing, but my soon to be ex husband admitted on Thanksgiving he has been cheating... Again... He finally just came clean about EVERYTHING and it is devastating.. It really is.



I know that you are hurt, hun. I, too, feel like the last 5 years of my life were all an illusion.



But if he is in fact gay, there is nothing you can do or COULD HAVE DONE, to make it work between you two.



I am always here for you to PM if you need me.

castaway 2 kids; Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania 18092 posts
5th Dec '12

I know it's not quite the same, but my high school sweetheart ended up being gay. We dated for the later half of high school and first two years of college, when I had a feeling that something wasn't quite right with our relationship. We had even talked marriage. I loved him and I know he loved me.



What I do know, is that sometimes men are ashamed for various reasons, like familial expectations (e.g. an only son who doesn't want to disappoint his mom and dad). That doesn't mean that your whole relationship was a lie, we all have different struggles. This is a heart breaking one to not come to terms with until after a family is built.



Know you aren't the first person who has had this happen in their life, not that that is much consolation. I have a family friend who's husband came out after 30 years of marriage 4 kids.



Stay strong mamma, good luck.

SaraBelle 2 kids; 1 angel baby; Bentonville, AR, United States 1880 posts
5th Dec '12

<blockquote><b>Quoting Xsecure mommaX:</b>" my sisters ex husnabd who shs was married to for like 4-5 years and htey have a child together, is gay. ... [snip!] ... hes been much happier and so has she once they each moved on. it was kinda weird but in retrospect we always knew he was gay..."</blockquote>




He never showed anything that would make me ever think that he was. He was always messing around with girls in high school, he always had tons of porn of just girls on his computer, and it was a girl he was messing around with the three years we've been married. Which gives me this stupid false hope that he is just being influenced by his friend. He friend just keeps telling him he was overcompensating with all the girls.

Just Andria 4 kids; Houston, Texas 915 posts
5th Dec '12

I'm sorry you ae going through this. Although I have not been through this myself some close friends of ours have. It was the woman who decided she wanted to be with women. Her dh decided to hang around while she had time to sort things out...... She did not need more time. You should not have to sit there devistated while he decides wether or not he wants you. If he is gay, fine whatever. You owe more to yourself then to give hime "time" to figure out his life. As long as he knows you will sit there waiting he has the best of both worlds. Don't let him make you feel worse.