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Bryelle's Mommy 1 child; Mt Clemens, Michigan 903 posts
6th Dec '12

Well don't think like that! Your the mommy! It's fine if he has your last name, you carried him for 9 months, and his father left you to fend for yourself...that's something a POS would do!

Drunk Blair Waldorf 2 kids; Alpharetta, Georgia 19214 posts
6th Dec '12
Quoting Bryelle's Mommy:" Well don't think like that! Your the mommy! It's fine if he has your last name, you carried him for 9 months, and his father left you to fend for yourself...that's something a POS would do!"


ALLLLLL of this.

Denise Morrison Due March 16 (boy); Williamsport, Pennsylvania 42 posts
6th Dec '12

WOW, what a reallly shitty situation. I had something similar happen with me, but certainly no where near as bad as you! I am currently dating my baby's dad and have been for over 2 years. We had some major ups in downs and broke up twice in the 2 years we were together. Since getting pregnant we moved in together and working very hard to make it work and so far the past 6 months have been great and we are doing pretty well as a couple. The major issue: He doesn't want to get married and doesn't really have a plan for it in the future. He doesn't believe in marriage and all that, plus I still get the feeling he doesn't love me completely in the way I want and deserve to be loved. I KNOW he does love me, but maybe not in love, so he may never want to truly commit. However, he is 100% for staying together and working it out no matter what because he believes the baby should be raised in a intact family. The problem: He obviously wants the baby to have his last name, especially because it will be a boy and I also want the baby to have his last name because he is the father and also a good guy, BUT it breaks my heart to have a different last name then my child. That is what gets me, and I mentioned this to him several times. He got so angry he said if the baby doesn't have his last name he wouldn't be apart of his life other than pay child support, I can't imagine him truly doing that but just saying that because he is so angry I would suggest not to have his last name. In reality what I REALLY want is to be married and we live like a normal family all with the same last name, and I can call my baby's dad my husband and feel more "normal."



So with that said I TOTALLY get where your coming from and in YOUR case I would give the baby YOUR last name, as the father seems like a POS. It seems as if you guys don't truly even have a relationship together considering he wouldn't let his pregnant and homeless girlfriend live with him....

Chelsey Lee 1 child; New York 441 posts
6th Dec '12

Another big reason I have stayed with him is so i can watch him with the baby when he is born... my bf has anger issues and is very lazy and im afraid he will either shake the baby or hurt him if he crys non stop... the other day he threw my cat against the wall for being on the counter... it was exessive... and his mother is an alcoholic who he says can not live on her own because she isnt mentally well enough to... which i dont want my child around that... one night she almost cut my hand off because she was so drunk showing me her way to cut broccli... LOL... and if we're seperated I know he will have the baby at times and it scares the shit out of me... it seems like he only wants our son to show off to his friends... I'm so new to how the law works with split parents... but if I'm breastfeeding and we arent together all his visits would have to be at my house right??? Like he wouldnt be able to take the baby over night or anything right? Thank you all so much.

aperkins Due December 31; 4 kids; Indiana 900 posts
6th Dec '12
Quoting Chelsey Lee:" Another big reason I have stayed with him is so i can watch him with the baby when he is born... my bf ... [snip!] ... have to be at my house right??? Like he wouldnt be able to take the baby over night or anything right? Thank you all so much."


I believe every states lawas are different. I do however, think that if you are breastfeeding while lo is little he wont be able to take him. Then as baby gets older he can and I believe they have you pump but not sure

Drunk Blair Waldorf 2 kids; Alpharetta, Georgia 19214 posts
6th Dec '12
Quoting Chelsey Lee:" Another big reason I have stayed with him is so i can watch him with the baby when he is born... my bf ... [snip!] ... have to be at my house right??? Like he wouldnt be able to take the baby over night or anything right? Thank you all so much."


If you're breastfeeding, you can put off overnight visits for a year. And if you have documented incidents of his anger, witnesses to it, etc. I would definitely show that to a judge IF he even tries for visitation. Also I would use her alcoholism and his statements of her not being able to live on her own against them. You can prove that it's not a safe environment for your child.

Chelsey Lee 1 child; New York 441 posts
6th Dec '12

people say to journal everything... does that really work in court a journal of all the incidents?

DeanJade&Mak's Mom 3 kids; Covina, CA, United States 8822 posts
6th Dec '12

Start documenting now... when babys born go to court and get full custody and submit all ur docs so its in ur file,



I never did this, and my ex showed up 1 day and because there was no custody established he was able to get full custody because he never served me and went to court by himself. He had never even seen the baby... he was 3, took 6 weeks to get lawyer and dis credit everything he said in court.



I never documented abuse so it was worthless to say he was a certain way in court...

Drunk Blair Waldorf 2 kids; Alpharetta, Georgia 19214 posts
6th Dec '12
Quoting Chelsey Lee:" people say to journal everything... does that really work in court a journal of all the incidents?"


Yep. Write everything down. Dates, times, and what happened. If there is any visible damage, TAKE PHOTOS. If he hurts you, get it documented with the police. Save any text messages he sends you that threaten anything.

DeanJade&Mak's Mom 3 kids; Covina, CA, United States 8822 posts
6th Dec '12

<blockquote><b>Quoting Chelsey Lee:</b>" people say to journal everything... does that really work in court a journal of all the incidents?"</blockquote>




I would start with that, but u need police reports or affidavit by witnesses, any emails or texts voicemails, go to police make reports, try and get restraining order now if u can, this will make it harder for him to get unsupervised visitation...

Chelsey Lee 1 child; New York 441 posts
6th Dec '12
Quoting DeanJade&Maksims Momma:" Start documenting now... when babys born go to court and get full custody and submit all ur docs so its ... [snip!] ... dis credit everything he said in court. I never documented abuse so it was worthless to say he was a certain way in court..."


if i go for custody hes going to fight against me... and if i dont put in on the BC he said hes taking me to court and getting a dna and then he will be on it regardless...

Chelsey Lee 1 child; New York 441 posts
6th Dec '12

and I have no police reports... only people that have witnessed it.. friends and family... And we just moved in together mid november so we live together.... and I was told I can't get a restraining order unless there has been a physical assault witht he cops called..

Drunk Blair Waldorf 2 kids; Alpharetta, Georgia 19214 posts
6th Dec '12
Quoting Chelsey Lee:" if i go for custody hes going to fight against me... and if i dont put in on the BC he said hes taking me to court and getting a dna and then he will be on it regardless..."


Let him pay all that money in court fees then. That's seriously what usually stops them dead in their tracks.

Drunk Blair Waldorf 2 kids; Alpharetta, Georgia 19214 posts
6th Dec '12
Quoting Chelsey Lee:" and I have no police reports... only people that have witnessed it.. friends and family... And we just ... [snip!] ... together.... and I was told I can't get a restraining order unless there has been a physical assault witht he cops called.."


His mom doesn't live there does she? :?

DeanJade&Mak's Mom 3 kids; Covina, CA, United States 8822 posts
6th Dec '12

<blockquote><b>Quoting Chelsey Lee:</b>" if i go for custody hes going to fight against me... and if i dont put in on the BC he said hes taking me to court and getting a dna and then he will be on it regardless..."</blockquote>




He can fight all he wants u just need to have a custody agreement done before he does it, that way its on ur terms... my ex did dna test to establish paternity, that's all he needed to get custody, but he is still not on birth cert. If u can get rest. Order things will go smoother for u... when u file custody, u will go to mediation this is when u give all ur reasons and proof why u want supervised visitation, they will order child support, u can give him 50/50 legal custody to shut him up, and get sole physical custody with supervised visitations for him.