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_______Nope_________ 23772 posts
6th Dec '12
Quoting .:ANIMAL:.:" No these were specific...there were google searches for "Brunettes with big tits" and it's just making ... [snip!] ... was enough for him...obviously not...and now I just feel like because I'm bald and sick, that I'll never be enough for him. :("


*hugs*



Has he gotten therapy? I know that sometimes partneres of people with cancer do well with some therapy. I don't think that it's that you are sick, or bald, it might just be the stresses and worries of you having cancer. As in, he is worried about you and that takes him out of that sexual place. Maybe some therapy for him and some for both of you can help you guys get past that.

lolajessup 3 kids; 1 angel baby; Beaverton, Michigan 44071 posts
6th Dec '12

<blockquote><b>Quoting .:ANIMAL:.:</b>" No these were specific...there were google searches for "Brunettes with big tits" and it's just making ... [snip!] ... was enough for him...obviously not...and now I just feel like because I'm bald and sick, that I'll never be enough for him. :("</blockquote>
Oh sweetie I'm so sorry :( please don't feel that way. Porn can be a bad addiction sweetie. Nothing you did. If you're religious I suggest the book SO and I are reading.

.:ANIMAL:. California 740 posts
6th Dec '12
Quoting she nan igans:" *hugs* Has he gotten therapy? I know that sometimes partneres of people with cancer do well with some ... [snip!] ... that takes him out of that sexual place. Maybe some therapy for him and some for both of you can help you guys get past that."


Since I lost my hair, and started treatment he's not as affectionate anymore...some days it feels like I already died, and unless I make the first move he doesn't do anything...he refuses to see therapists, I've asked him to in the past, but he says he doesn't want to, and I'm not the type to force things on people, I just wish he'd see how much his lack of interest is starting to hurt me. Chemo is nothing compared to how my heart has felt since I started it. I wouldn't even care about the porn if he would actually spend time with me being affectionate and intimate...I mean it's one thing to be sexual, but a completely different thing to be loving, and he's lacked the loving part. Even when we do have sex it's like he's not there, he closes his eyes the entire time, doesn't look at me, and when he does open his eyes it's when we're in doggy. (sorry if that's tmi)...I don't really know what to do...I've tried talking to him about this in the past and he just gets defensive...I don't know what more I'm expected to do.

.:ANIMAL:. California 740 posts
6th Dec '12
Quoting Just Ames:" Umm, I can tell you that if he was visiting youporn.com that the dating sites, live sex cams, etc. will be pop up's. Ahem, anyway. Have you talked to him about this?"


it was something called zporn? I think...I didn't pay attention, I just say a gazillion porn sites and continued to scroll down until I got to the last of it which was about a month ago, and I just closed out and flopped on my bed crying.

lolajessup 3 kids; 1 angel baby; Beaverton, Michigan 44071 posts
6th Dec '12

<blockquote><b>Quoting .:ANIMAL:.:</b>" Since I lost my hair, and started treatment he's not as affectionate anymore...some days it feels like ... [snip!] ... do...I've tried talking to him about this in the past and he just gets defensive...I don't know what more I'm expected to do."</blockquote>



Are you in therapy? I'd ask him to go with you. Maybe he doesn't want to go alone. But you two should go together because that is a lot for both of you. He sounds like he is scared to hurt you or of losing you. He definitely needs help mama.

.:ANIMAL:. California 740 posts
6th Dec '12
Quoting Just Ames:" I don't know about that one but I really think it's safe to say that the dating things were pop up's. "


Yeah, I think they would be. I mean, I wouldn't have a problem if he was like "Want to watch porn together?" at least I can turn that towards me, it's the fact he would say he was doing school, or going to surf his facebook, and then he's watching porn instead. I don't get to be a part of that at all.

.:ANIMAL:. California 740 posts
6th Dec '12
Quoting lolajessup:" <blockquote><b>Quoting .:ANIMAL:.:</b>" Since I lost my hair, and started treatment ... [snip!] ... because that is a lot for both of you. He sounds like he is scared to hurt you or of losing you. He definitely needs help mama."


Oh, he definitely wouldn't go alone, and he's only gone to therapy with my twice, and on the second time had said, "I don't like going, I'm just going to stay home next time." I tried to ask what he didn't like about it, but he didn't want to talk about it, and I didn't push it. I just said, "Okay, that's fine I guess."

lolajessup 3 kids; 1 angel baby; Beaverton, Michigan 44071 posts
6th Dec '12

<blockquote><b>Quoting .:ANIMAL:.:</b>" Oh, he definitely wouldn't go alone, and he's only gone to therapy with my twice, and on the second ... [snip!] ... he didn't like about it, but he didn't want to talk about it, and I didn't push it. I just said, "Okay, that's fine I guess.""</blockquote>



He might have for scared from being overwhelmed with emotions. Some guys are afraid to show that. But definitely encourage him to come again with you.
He might agree after you guys talk about this porn thing.

W.W. 3 kids; Arkansas 7890 posts
6th Dec '12

<blockquote><b>Quoting Crystal Marie S.:</b>" You have Cancer. I'm pretty sure you didn't ask for it. If he is seriously not being intimate with you ... [snip!] ... this on top of whatever else is going on in your life right now, but don't think badly about yourself because of HIS problem."</blockquote>



This! I don't have a clue how you must feel..i haven't walked in your shoes. Personally I have always had big self esteem issues and once DH came to me about having been looking at porn our first few years of marriage I felt lower and more heartbroken than I ever have before. We never had sex, argued a lot and here he was telling me he looked at porn, checked women out in the store and fantasized shit up all day ...there was no room for me and it was a problem.



He promised that I wasn't the problem, still don't know what was...whether it was financial stress and shit getting between us. He knows though, that I am here anytime he needs me and I have not once turned him down ..it seems I have a higher sex drive anyways. Things are much better now, he doesn't look at porn anymore because it was such a problem. We are at a better place in life now though,and I'm working on myself (my weight). Sorry for the novel, hope it helps hearing from someone else who went through something similar. I think a nice deep conversation is a great thing for you two to have if he will..he should. Good luck hun.



ETA: he works at Kroger, that's why I specified him having one sided eye sex with women in "the store".

W.W. 3 kids; Arkansas 7890 posts
6th Dec '12

<blockquote><b>Quoting .:ANIMAL:.:</b>" Since I lost my hair, and started treatment he's not as affectionate anymore...some days it feels like ... [snip!] ... do...I've tried talking to him about this in the past and he just gets defensive...I don't know what more I'm expected to do."</blockquote>
You're so right about there being a big difference between affection and just sex. DH and I have had a lot of trouble with that in the past...he just wasn't affectionate and I am a person that feeds off of it. Without his affection and attention I actually get depressed. Sounds like you have really tried and he isn't opening up...its so hard when a man won't open up. You deserve to be happy and I really hope he wakes up and sees that very soon.

.:ANIMAL:. California 740 posts
6th Dec '12
Quoting I Love Dem Baybees!:" <blockquote><b>Quoting Crystal Marie S.:</b>" You have Cancer. I'm pretty sure you ... [snip!] ... something similar. I think a nice deep conversation is a great thing for you two to have if he will..he should. Good luck hun."


Well, the weight was an issue for a LONNNNG time up until I started losing it with baby #2 and then after her I continued to lose, which is when I got told I had cancer. He was affectionate the first month or two after...doting on me, and stuff wanting to just hold me at night. I LOVED IT...It made me feel wanted, and loved. Then, my hair started falling out, and I was going bald, and then something just dropped off...there was less "I love you" less "Cuddling" less "Kissing" less "Making Love"...and when we did have sex and do have sex it's just like "Fucking" if that makes any sense...there's no passion behind it...anymore I haven't even been orgasming because he just treats me like I'm a burden when we're having sex...I haven't bugged him about it I thought it was stress or something, but obviously seeing the porn I know he's wanting something sexually, and obviously I'm not providing enough of it.

Phallus Cranium cocksuck, LA, Sri Lanka 108913 posts
6th Dec '12
Quoting .:ANIMAL:.:" Well, the weight was an issue for a LONNNNG time up until I started losing it with baby #2 and then ... [snip!] ... something, but obviously seeing the porn I know he's wanting something sexually, and obviously I'm not providing enough of it. "

Have you looked around to any support groups for your illness to see if others have experienced the same with their partners?

lolajessup 3 kids; 1 angel baby; Beaverton, Michigan 44071 posts
6th Dec '12

<blockquote><b>Quoting .:ANIMAL:.:</b>" Well, the weight was an issue for a LONNNNG time up until I started losing it with baby #2 and then ... [snip!] ... something, but obviously seeing the porn I know he's wanting something sexually, and obviously I'm not providing enough of it. "</blockquote>



I'm convinced now he really needs help. Bring up the pron and he might agree to go with you to counseling. You do not deserve to be treated that way hun :(

.:ANIMAL:. California 740 posts
6th Dec '12
Quoting .Colleen.:" Have you looked around to any support groups for your illness to see if others have experienced the same with their partners?"


I asked last week when I went in for Chemo again...I had a few friends that were there, and we were all talking. They're all older and said they hadn't had that problem because they're both too busy or distracted to worry about sex, they really couldn't give me any advice, and the only other person my age there, isn't married.

W.W. 3 kids; Arkansas 7890 posts
6th Dec '12

<blockquote><b>Quoting .:ANIMAL:.:</b>" Well, the weight was an issue for a LONNNNG time up until I started losing it with baby #2 and then ... [snip!] ... something, but obviously seeing the porn I know he's wanting something sexually, and obviously I'm not providing enough of it. "</blockquote>
I felt like a burden as well and I felt like it was because of my weight. Its a terrible feeling and you don't deserve to feel that way. He needs to address his problem..