I feel like a fucking lunatic and I hate it.
I forgot how bad having a newborn stresses me out. I'm freaking out over jaundice and his breastfeeding. I'm always thinking, is he sleeping too much? Is his head in a good position? Did I burp him enough, is he going to have gas? Is this position safe?
And then there's everything else. I can't seem to keep our home clean no matter how hard I try right now. I'm worried that DS isn't getting enough attention from me right now.
I have finals in a week and I'm trying to get all of the work done. Most of that is easy as could be, but I have a math final on Tuesday and I've been struggling with it all semester. I feel like I'm undeniably going to fail and lose my scholarship and I won't graduate because of it.
I just keep crying and crying and I can't stand it and it makes me cry even more.
I know that I signed up for all of this and it's normal but fuck, I want to feel normal.
I understand how you feel completely! This is how I have felt the past few weeks, DD is almost 4 weeks now and I still have points during the day that I just want to break down. My house is a disaster, DS is acting out because I am finding it difficult to balance my time between him, DD, breastfeeding, pumping, doctors appointments, the house, cooking and about 10,000 other different things.
I'm with ya! It's not easy. I have 5 finals next week. Papers, projects, and tests. LO is 6 weeks and I'm completely winging this I have no clue if I'm doing good. I just clean one area a day I don't bother trying to do the whole thing. As far as school I have no clue how I'm holding up but I'm pushing myself. You gotta keep the reward in mind, and not just the struggle and work. You're doing just fine! I keep telling myself as long as LO is alive and not screaming I must be doing ok