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English lovers? Danielle-Natalies-Mommy 1 child; Texas 116 posts
9th Dec '12

I have to write a persuasive essay over why women should not serve in combat and it is harder then it sounds. I've gotten my first paragraph done so far can someone tell me how it sounds?



Women in combat. Like most people, I had my own opinion. You may call me sexist, you may say my opinion is wrong but I do not believe women should be in combat for many reasons. Women have a role to play in the military and have served in a variety of capacities, throughout various wars. There are some rolls, however, that are better served by men , due to physical and cultural considerations.



Should there be more in there , or am I ready to go to the 2nd paragraph?

Bad Things 1 child; Blacksburg, SC, United States 18123 posts
9th Dec '12
Quoting NataliesMommyToBe:" I have to write a persuasive essay over why women should not serve in combat and it is harder then it ... [snip!] ... men , due to physical and cultural considerations. Should there be more in there , or am I ready to go to the 2nd paragraph?"


You're proofreading, right?

Vivialopod 2 kids; Vantaa, Finland 42788 posts
9th Dec '12

:? I think that's a shitty fucking opinion so I can't really offer any help other than to say read your essay several times and have a couple other people proofread it too, because your grammar is atrocious.

Danielle-Natalies-Mommy 1 child; Texas 116 posts
9th Dec '12
Quoting JessieLeeAnne:" You're proofreading, right? "


yea

Danielle-Natalies-Mommy 1 child; Texas 116 posts
9th Dec '12
Quoting Viv, Ev & Gwen ♥:" :? I think that's a shitty fucking opinion so I can't really offer any help other than to say read your ... [snip!] ... than to say read your essay several times and have a couple other people proofread it too, because your grammar is atrocious."


How is my grammar atrocious? For one I'm only a senior in high school, and for two I wasn't given a choice on topic this was given to me.

anonymom + 1.5 2 kids; West Virginia 10787 posts
9th Dec '12

proofread over and over.



Make a strong "hook," have a good thesis statement (I think that's what it's called!), make several big points. Then, go back and explore those points in more detail. Go into why, what you think would happen if women were in combat situations, find research from MANY different sources to back you up.

Ronnie RadKat 4 kids; Arizona 22168 posts
9th Dec '12

<blockquote><b>Quoting NataliesMommyToBe:</b>" I have to write a persuasive essay over why women should not serve in combat and it is harder then it ... [snip!] ... men , due to physical and cultural considerations. Should there be more in there , or am I ready to go to the 2nd paragraph?"</blockquote>




First paragraph should have topic sentence, 2 or 3 sentences briefly introducing what you plan to talk about in detail later and a thesis statement ( your viewpoint, what you plan to prove.



Also it's roles not rolls.

Vivialopod 2 kids; Vantaa, Finland 42788 posts
9th Dec '12
Quoting NataliesMommyToBe:" How is my grammar atrocious? For one I'm only a senior in high school, and for two I wasn't given a choice on topic this was given to me."

And? I wrote better in middle school.



You also shouldn't use first person pronouns in professional writing.

Bad Things 1 child; Blacksburg, SC, United States 18123 posts
9th Dec '12

They wouldnt give you a topic that you didn't agree with.

anonymom + 1.5 2 kids; West Virginia 10787 posts
9th Dec '12
Quoting JessieLeeAnne:" They wouldnt give you a topic that you didn't agree with. "


I was often given topics and a side in high school and in college.