Quoting LolaMcKitten:" No offense but I find it f**king HILARIOUS that the three random people on this forum WITHOUT children ... [snip!] ... at all instead of having an ounce of respect for anyone - it just gets really, really annoying. K/ endrant. continue. "
Like I've said before, you do not have to have children to know how to respect them. Hitting ANYONE is not respecting them. I do not have to have kids to know that hitting is wrong. That's bullshit. Also I have never made fun of someone's religion. All I've ever said is Jesus is a fictional character. If that's offensive then so be it.
Quoting LolaMcKitten:" Well ya - I know you do and a stinkin adorable one at that. But did you join parenting sites before you were even thinking about trying for a baby or pregnant? "
On gurl.com I was on the pregnancy board a lot and am currently in the mom fb group. I enjoy talking to the women there, and if I happen to have kids one day I don't think I should just then start learning about children. The more I know now the better. Plus I've worked as a nanny and I have children in my family. This place isn't just for parents. That's why there's the option of "I don't have kids and I'm not ttc".
Quoting LolaMcKitten:" This, too - I just can't take them seriously. On a lot of topics, we actually agree, that's the sad ... [snip!] ... you come in and make such a wild accusation as abuse when you have never been in a position to make that call before, KWIM?"
The fact that I was a child who had these things done to me is good enough for me to classify it as abuse.
Quoting Not tellin:" That interrupting thing is a bugger! lol We had it down for a while and then BAM we are back at it. ... [snip!] ... or on the phone. I could be sitting right next to them for 40 min and they will totally ignore me until that phone rings. lol"
My niece went through a huge interrupting phase when she was like 3, but she grew out of it after a few months. I think all kids go through it. I don't think it's anything to be punished for. Kids are impulsive and they don't think through their actions a lot of times.
Quoting Tarynosaurus Rex:" My niece went through a huge interrupting phase when she was like 3, but she grew out of it after a ... [snip!] ... I don't think it's anything to be punished for. Kids are impulsive and they don't think through their actions a lot of times."
Do you have children? I am asking honestly.
Quoting Not tellin:" Do you have children? I am asking honestly. "
<blockquote><b>Quoting khigh:</b>" I don't think she will have the option of not going. Right now, our plan is private school here, private ... [snip!] ... school in high school, and then West Point or Ivy League. I'm not spending that kind of money for her to not go to college."</blockquote>
Can I ask a question that is totally just something I'm curious about? Is she going with you on your one year trip overseas?
Quoting Tarynosaurus Rex:" Nope."
Ok,then let me break something down to you.
You are right to a degree. They don't have much impulse control. HOWEVER, they do have the ability to know right from wrong. If you tell your child 3 times in less than 5 minutes or you have to say their name 5 times before they will look at you, that is an intentional behavior. There are different phases that they go thru. Believe it or not, they do test limits. It is a natural thing for humans. They will push you and push until they know how far and how long they can go. While I do not hit my children, put anything in their mouths (other than the food I prepare them) or abuse them to any degree, there is a time and a place for redirection just as there is for discipline. My twins are 4, they are testing more limits now than they have in the past and I expect it. I also expect that they not have to be told 3 times to clean up their mess. I should tell them once that it is time to put things away and get ready for whatever is going on at that moment and they do it. If they ignore my second request, I walk into the room with a trash bag. It is pretty simple really. While they are in school they don't behave in this manner. The teacher says clean up time and they do it. I say it at home and they ignore it. That is nothing more than them testing their limits with me.
When you have your own children, you will understand the testing phases (just think of yourself and your day to day activities. how many times to you test a limit of sorts in one day?). That actually starts as soon as they are mobile. It is there before but really, how much trouble are they going to get into by not moving?
baby-gaga is a pregnancy and parenting site. there is no question about that. It is not a dating or friend finder site. However, it is a great place to learn about pregnancy, if you were to have issues with TTC it is a great place for support and it is a great place to get education, opinions and learn of experience from other mothers. Feel free and welcome. However, I personally wouldn't tell a mother how to raise her children if you don't understand the phase yourself. I do however agree with the path of child rearing you are headed on. It is level headed. Just remember, children aren't manipulative but, they are curious how far things can go because just like us, we have to know limits and how do you know if you don't push? :wink:
Quoting Not tellin:" Ok,then let me break something down to you. You are right to a degree. They don't have much impulse ... [snip!] ... are curious how far things can go because just like us, we have to know limits and how do you know if you don't push? :wink:"
I have never once told someone how to parent their child. There was a question asked and I answered it. I never said don't discipline or redirect your children. I totally agree that children need discipline, but that is not the same as punishment. At 4 years old yes they are able to understand consequences up to a point. My niece is 4. I've been in her life since my sister was pregnant with her. I know how they test limits etc. She is to the point she knows if she does something she isn't supposed to she will put herself in time out and apologize to my sister. She does not fear any of the adults in her life and that is the way it should be. I do not agree with parenting through fear. My niece does not get spanked ever and she's a wonderful child. She's sarcastic and hilarious, intelligent and very well-rounded. I've had to discipline her before but that has never involved me using physical means. I speak from experience as a former child who has had some of these physical punishments used on me. I can tell you that they never worked on me, they made me act worse, not respect the people doling out these punishments, and as a child I just craved attention and when I didn't get it I acted out because hey at least my mom was paying attention to me in some way. I see nothing wrong with putting a kid in time out or taking away privileges as long as they are capable of understanding why they are in trouble. Physical punishment is never okay imo.
Quoting khigh:" <blockquote><b>Quoting Tarynosaurus Rex:</b>" You seriously don't let your child speak ... [snip!] ... At dinner parties and weddings? She waits until someone acknowledges her. That's why we keep getting invited back."
This is rediculious. My children go to formal occasions and they don't have to "wait until someone acknowledges" them. My girls are very well behaved in public. They don't interrupt and they eat properly at the table. $150 plate or a hot dog buffet, my girls are always good in public. My son is actually very well behaved as well. When my kids misbehave it is because I missed one of the majors and threw them off (eating, sleep or they are over stimulated).
I stress good manners in my home. People always compliment my children on their behavior and we are always "invited back". I have never had anyone once say anything negative about my children or how I raise them. They are children. They should be allowed to behave as such. If we are at a formal occasion and they see a loved one, I have no problem with them walking to the loved one, waiting for their attention and getting a hug or what not. They don't have to sit in a chair and wait to be approached.
I don't necessarily classify it as abuse but it is something that can and should be avoided. It isn't something that would warrant CPS to be called.
Quoting Tarynosaurus Rex:" I have never once told someone how to parent their child. There was a question asked and I answered ... [snip!] ... away privileges as long as they are capable of understanding why they are in trouble. Physical punishment is never okay imo."
Sometimes saying they are sorry at this age is a hinderance than a good thing. They don't really "understand" what sorry means. It then becomes a routine thing to say. For example, my daughter tripped tonight while clearing her plate from the table. She kept saying how sorry she was that her dinner was all over the floor. It was an accident and she didn't need to apologize. Expecially when I asked her if she was ok (she hit the floor pretty hard. I don't even know what she tripped over). Her answer was, "I am sorry I tripped mommy". The sorry thing is my fault. I say I am sorry for everything. Including when I don't hear someone. For them, they think it is a word they are supposed to put in the sentance. Right now, we are working on comprehension of what exactly sorry means and how to use it properly. When a child puts themself in time out, that is an action of habit. Not of understanding. We call it a "thinking spot". It is actually more effective this way vs timeout. They are to go there and "think" about what they did to get there and I give them two choices on how to correct the behavior. One is obviously in their best interest and the other will be something a little more harsh of a punishment (like give up a privledge). It teaches them good decision making skills PLUS it helps them to think out a better reaction to whatever prompted the negative action. The thinking spot was told to me by my cousin who is a first grade teacher who gets the "difficult" children (those with behavioral issues as a result of environment or even mental conditions). It really works great. Much more effective.
Quoting Not tellin:" Sometimes saying they are sorry at this age is a hinderance than a good thing. They don't really "understand" ... [snip!] ... with behavioral issues as a result of environment or even mental conditions). It really works great. Much more effective. "
I don't disagree with you there. My niece really doesn't act out enough to have to be put in timeout. She HATES timeout though and would rather have something taken away than have to sit and think for 4 minutes. (My sister puts her in one minute per year of age.) But I don't disagree with most of what you said. My biggest issue is the physical punishment that so many people are advocating. I don't think I have to have a child to know that hitting is wrong.
Quoting Tarynosaurus Rex:" I don't disagree with you there. My niece really doesn't act out enough to have to be put in timeout. ... [snip!] ... the physical punishment that so many people are advocating. I don't think I have to have a child to know that hitting is wrong."
I don't see a purpose in a spanking either. It really is teaching them a habit you don't want them to have. Why is it ok for me to hit them and them not hit anyone else? Stupid idea if you ask me
Quoting Not tellin:" I don't see a purpose in a spanking either. It really is teaching them a habit you don't want them to have. Why is it ok for me to hit them and them not hit anyone else? Stupid idea if you ask me"
Same. I just don't see how someone can teach their kid that hitting is bad when they are hitting them.