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Advice to deal with In-Laws? Mrs.SweetDee Due December 30 (girl); 1 child; Jacksonville, North Carolina 7 posts
10th Dec '12

I am due in 3 weeks. My husbands grandparents will be here in 4 weeks, and that is a big deal because we live 1500 miles away from them and he hasn't seen them since June. This is his first child so unfortunately I don't have much say in whether they visit or not which really bugs me. His grandma and I do not get along and she has a very possessive personality which is going to make my mommy radar go off after I have my baby and they are in my home. It's going to be a very uncomfortable visit. They still haven't even let us know when they plan to leave!! I'd like the newborn time to be special since it was taken away from me with my first daughter and I feel very threatened that these people will be in my home. Has anyone else had to deal with in laws immediately after the birth with their child and how did you cope? I don't want to create conflict but I don't want to be pushed around either...

Blythe. 1 child; Indiana 22277 posts
10th Dec '12

It might be totally different than you think, they could cook meals, run errands, hold the baby while you shower or nap. It could be really nice

Christina/Chrissy Due March 31; 17 kids; Pennsylvania 8726 posts
10th Dec '12

R they staying in your home?
Maybe you will have baby early or late so u won't miss out on the mommy and newborn time.... My in laws are similar (mother in law and father in law) hubby just tells them how it is, if they get mad so be it... It's our child, our home, our wishes... They need to respect that.

Levi and Brooklyn's Mommy 2 kids; Alabama 4531 posts
10th Dec '12

Dh's mom and brother live with us I made it clear that we are the parents and they need to respect that. We have our issues and I have had to remind them a couple of tome that we are the parents we make the decisions but they could be helpful and help keep chores caught up hope things work out for you

SavageDarling 3 kids; Webster, Massachusetts 10381 posts
10th Dec '12

To start I would stop assuming its going to be a terrible visit. That mentality is not helping anything. I doubt they are coming to town thinking that they don't care about what you want and are going to go out of their way to make you uncomfortable and ruin our newborn mommy time. They are probably just hoping to able to meet and spend some time around their great grandchild and help you and your DH out a bit.

Historymomma 2 kids; La Grange, North Carolina 403 posts
10th Dec '12

When people, whoever they are, come to stay immediately after a baby is born they ARE NOT to be treated as guests. You just had a baby and help should be welcomed, and if the in laws are not aware of it, make them aware. Take the reigns now, and call them and ask what days they are coming and leaving, and tell them you need to know since others want to visit (regardless if that is true or not). Then after they tell you the dates, thank them for coming to stay since you will be needing help, it is so nice of them to offer to help cook, clean and take care of the baby when you take naps and need to shower. Lay it all out there as if they have already volunteered for the"help" position and thank them for it. That lays out expectations even before they arrive. When they get there, let them take care of all the house stuff, and if they are hoarding the baby just tell them you would like the baby back as the baby needs to establish a bond with you, not them. Post baby visits are a whole different animal than having house guests, and should be treated as such!



Just my thinking

Mrs.SweetDee Due December 30 (girl); 1 child; Jacksonville, North Carolina 7 posts
10th Dec '12

Thank you for your replies! Yes, they will be staying in our home. They are coming from OK the 29 (my due date is the 31) and will be in SC with their daughter until they come to stay with us. My husband is really protective of them, more loyal to them than he is to me so he will butt his head with me on every rule I try to set for them...that is not assumption :( We've already been talking about it some and he even wants to give up our room (where I plan to be bonding with the baby) for them while they are here. They are bringing his father with them as well, so we will have ourselves (me, DH, DD #1, DD #2), his grandma and grandpa, AND his dad all in our tiny 3 bedroom house. I know that his grandma will help out around the house but the thing is, she is the type of person who feels she should be rewarded for that kind of thing and the reward in this situation will of course be my baby. I'm really protective because of how my mother was when my first daughter was born -- she took every special moment from me ( I was only 16 when I gave birth and totally clueless - she took advantage of that). She (grandma) still feels like my husband is her "baby". I know I shouldn't be expecting the worse but it's really hard when you know how people are.

Christina/Chrissy Due March 31; 17 kids; Pennsylvania 8726 posts
10th Dec '12

<blockquote><b>Quoting Mrs.SweetDee:</b>" Thank you for your replies! Yes, they will be staying in our home. They are coming from OK the 29 (my ... [snip!] ... like my husband is her "baby". I know I shouldn't be expecting the worse but it's really hard when you know how people are."</blockquote>




Oh heck no... I come first before my husbands patents and his family.... I would def not be giving up my room either, you are going to want to be as comfortable as possible....

Historymomma 2 kids; La Grange, North Carolina 403 posts
10th Dec '12

You and your infant are #1 and 2 after the birth. Explain to him how sore and immobile you will most likely be, giving up your room is NOT an option. He has his own family to worry about now, and his grandparents and such are the priority. They wanted to come visit, you did not ask the, too. They are lucky you are not making them stay I'm a hotel. You just need to keep pushing how important the early bonding is and that you guys are number 1 after the birth.



I usually am all about house guests and making them comfortable, and being a great hostess; so, I usually do not give such bitchy advice. This situation and time is different and you are just going to have to lay out the expectations ahead of time, whether your husband likes it or not!

Historymomma 2 kids; La Grange, North Carolina 403 posts
10th Dec '12

<blockquote><b>Quoting Historymomma:</b>" You and your infant are #1 and 2 after the birth. Explain to him how sore and immobile you will most ... [snip!] ... is different and you are just going to have to lay out the expectations ahead of time, whether your husband likes it or not!"</blockquote>




*are NOT the priority*. Sorry missed a word.

Christina/Chrissy Due March 31; 17 kids; Pennsylvania 8726 posts
10th Dec '12

<blockquote><b>Quoting Historymomma:</b>" You and your infant are #1 and 2 after the birth. Explain to him how sore and immobile you will most ... [snip!] ... is different and you are just going to have to lay out the expectations ahead of time, whether your husband likes it or not!"</blockquote>




I agree 100%

Mrs.SweetDee Due December 30 (girl); 1 child; Jacksonville, North Carolina 7 posts
14th Dec '12

Thank you ladies! I'm really hoping for the best!