My baby daddy is going to drive me off the deep end. HELP Madre2012 Due November 23; Japan 1 posts
10th Dec '12

So my fiance and I just had our first baby 3 weeks ago, and he now works from 5 or 7 am to 3 pm. So I'm alone all day with our son. And when SO gets home, I'm still playing the single parent card while he sits on the couch watching TV or bitching about how hard he works. I've asked him to give me a little help, and he took him in the morning one day this past weekend because I'm always up all night with our son as well. On average I get an hour to two hours of sleep a night, sometimes not even close to that. I'm afraid that because I'm always playing single mom, I'm going to run myself down and not be able to take care of our little boy as good as I should. We live with my parents, and my mom works his hours at the same place, my dad works 3rd shift, and my younger sister has school. I feel like I'm getting swamped with everything around the house that my SO and I are supposed to be in charge of. Along with learning how to take care of LO, I'm supposed to do all our laundry (mine, SO, and LO's) as well as change every diaper, do every feeding, etc. etc. I just don't know what to do anymore! I understand that he works hard, but when LO is in the bassinet crying and I'm busy at that second and SO just walks on by and goes to watch TV, it blows my mind! Is he not ready to be a father, or does he just not care? Sorry it's so long, I've had this pent up for a while.

marsupialjoe TTC since Jun 2003; 3 kids; Fort St John, British Columbia 454 posts
10th Dec '12

Some dads are more understanding of the toll childcare takes on us moms than others. Communication is key, men rarely do anything more than what they are directly asked to do.

♥crazybitch 1 child; 5550 posts
10th Dec '12
Quoting Madre2012:" So my fiance and I just had our first baby 3 weeks ago, and he now works from 5 or 7 am to 3 pm. So I'm ... [snip!] ... blows my mind! Is he not ready to be a father, or does he just not care? Sorry it's so long, I've had this pent up for a while."

First off, how old is LO?
My bd is still an a*****e but even as an a*****e he got a lot better with taking care of LO as she got older.
He now does a lot more housework and bathing her and feeding her etc.. (she's 4 btw) It took a while for him to start doing things.

RonniG Due July 19; 1 child; Plentywood, Montana 1998 posts
status 10th Dec '12

I think you need to talk to him about helping you. That's the only thing that may or may not help.

DeanJade&Mak's Mom 3 kids; Covina, CA, United States 8822 posts
10th Dec '12

Could be harder, and u could be single... I think he should help u more tho, my husband was up with our babies all hours of night with me, and it was harder for me to adjust sharing baby with him because I was single mom when I had my 1st...
Once u get into a routine u will be ok...

M walls 4 kids; Keenesburg, Colorado 7267 posts
10th Dec '12

SO figured it was my job to take care of ds until I went back to work. We had endless fights about it. Once I went back to work and he started staying with ds then he actually got involved

Loco Ono 1 child; Arizona 825 posts
10th Dec '12

I can understand him needing a little break when he comes home hun. He works to provide for your family. And if you're a SAHM then essentially its your job to care for the home and your child while he's away. I'm sure he helps some and I wouldn't expect him to want to go all out after he's come home from work. There are many SAHM'S who manage just fine. I'd be a bit frustrated if I was obviously busy and he couldn't tend to your baby while he or she is upset. But expecting him to just go straight into child care when he gets home after working those hours is kinda silly. Let him have some down time to rest and when he's rested ask for help. Good luck!

mom2andrew&carter 18 kids; Leesburg, Florida 2159 posts
10th Dec '12

I understand that you need a break every once in a while. I am a single mom to two little boys under the age of two so i understand how fustrating it gets sometimes when theres noone to help you. I would try and talk to him about it and tell him how you feel and go from there. I would also try co sleeping with your son cause they usually sleep alot better when there next to you and than at least you can get a few hours of sleep