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co parenting--what should be joint. Vile Tramp 2 kids; New York 32363 posts
13th Dec '12

Please bare with me, I dont have a laptop right now and Im typing this on my tablet, which I hate doing. :lol:



This is my question. When co parenting children, from two separate houses, do you think everything should be a joint decision? (obviously, Im speaking of joint custody)



Do you think diet should be a joint decision? What about "gender roles"? (if you let your child play with whatever, and the other doesnt.) Or is it more, what happens in your house is your business, their house is theirs?



Im trying to get other opinions on the matter. Ive never co parenting thru two different households before, and obviously, Im going to have to start.



Sorry if I dont respond, once again I hate using my tablet. Thanks in advance!

He Who Must Not Be Named 2 kids; Whiskey Dick Mountain, WA, United States 59277 posts
13th Dec '12

For the most part-- I think it's impossible to be on the same page with a lot of stuff.



I know that BD (well, his mom) does things entirely differently than I do.



It would be great if you and the person you're co-parenting with are able to make decisions together... but I just don't think it works out that way most of the time.



Hell. I can't even get BD to brush DD's hair when she's there. :roll:

Kelly&Coralie 1 child; Rochester, NY, United States 56007 posts
13th Dec '12

BD and I agree on the big stuff like vaccinations and schooling



Everything else I don't really car about. She doesn't have a special diet. He knows better than to stuff her full of junk. She plays with what she wants.



BD and I get along well and there is no hostility.

SavageDarling 3 kids; Webster, Massachusetts 10381 posts
13th Dec '12

Ideally yes. But co parenting from to different households is already a less than ideal situation. I think as long as you both can agree that even if life is slightly different at each house, your stance will be still be unitedly the same as far as supporting each other's parenting decisions, then you're doing great.

Mama Rice 34 kids; North Las Vegas, Nevada 11980 posts
13th Dec '12

Ideally all major decisions should be a joint decision. But I know that is unrealistic. But things that effect them pemanently....religion or lack or, vaccinating (because you wouldn't want them to receive one more than once or if they have a reaction while with the other parent, etc), schooling. I would say diet but I know a couple that the mom is vegan and wnats her DS to be vegan but dad is not. The DS loves to eat meat at his dad's (they have joint 50/50 custody), his mom is not happy about it but he knows not to ask his mom.

PurpleBama582 52 kids; Dothan, Alabama 3875 posts
13th Dec '12

My ex and I don't see eye to eye on much, unfortunately. He even went so far as to try and get his mother to ask me to cut our daughter's hair(it's long, but very healthy and very pretty) just because he didn't want to take the time to brush or comb it properly. Our latest argument was over getting her a flu shot. I don't want her to get it, but he does, because his girlfriend had a baby two weeks ago. I haven't seen any good that's come from getting a flu shot, and I don't want to put a live virus in my daughter's body.



eta: Our divorce states that we have to agree on stuff before either of us can do something like that. We had to lay out stuff like that because he is uncooperative on a lot of stuff.

Back to Noob Status Ohio 14048 posts
13th Dec '12

Here are some things to consider:



Education (private school, public school?)
Vaccinations (yay, nay?)
Spanking/forms of discipline (I think this is a biggie)

He Who Must Not Be Named 2 kids; Whiskey Dick Mountain, WA, United States 59277 posts
13th Dec '12
Quoting Back to Noob Status:" Here are some things to consider: Education (private school, public school?) Vaccinations (yay, nay?) Spanking/forms of discipline (I think this is a biggie)"


And Religion (or lack thereof).



I think that's an important one.

Kelly&Coralie 1 child; Rochester, NY, United States 56007 posts
13th Dec '12
Quoting PurpleBama582:" My ex and I don't see eye to eye on much, unfortunately. He even went so far as to try and get his mother ... [snip!] ... ago. I haven't seen any good that's come from getting a flu shot, and I don't want to put a live virus in my daughter's body. "


Do some research. The vaccine isn't live. The spray is.



I think it would be good for her to get a flu shot if she will be around a newborn often

Back to Noob Status Ohio 14048 posts
13th Dec '12
Quoting The Doctor:" And Religion (or lack thereof). I think that's an important one."


:!:



Forgot about that one, lol.

Mama Rice 34 kids; North Las Vegas, Nevada 11980 posts
13th Dec '12

<blockquote><b>Quoting Back to Noob Status:</b>" Here are some things to consider: Education (private school, public school?) Vaccinations (yay, nay?) Spanking/forms of discipline (I think this is a biggie)"</blockquote>



Oooohhhh I forgot that. Discipline is one that should definitely be made together.

Mama Rice 34 kids; North Las Vegas, Nevada 11980 posts
13th Dec '12

<blockquote><b>Quoting Kelly&Coralie:</b>" Do some research. The vaccine isn't live. The spray is. I think it would be good for her to get a flu shot if she will be around a newborn often"</blockquote>



I always got sick from the spray but never from the shot. That explains it. LOL

PurpleBama582 52 kids; Dothan, Alabama 3875 posts
13th Dec '12
Quoting Kelly&Coralie:" Do some research. The vaccine isn't live. The spray is. I think it would be good for her to get a flu shot if she will be around a newborn often"

I've done the research. There is nothing stating that the flu vaccine will work against this year's flu strains. It was developed from last year's flu strains. I am not convinced that they do any good, and I am not going to inflict unnecessary pain on my child. My son actually HAD the flu this year, he got it from school, and no one else in the house contracted it, and no one got the flu shot.

He Who Must Not Be Named 2 kids; Whiskey Dick Mountain, WA, United States 59277 posts
13th Dec '12
Quoting Back to Noob Status:" :!: Forgot about that one, lol."


Yeah... fun times when you learn about your co-parent's "religion" from your child.

Kelly&Coralie 1 child; Rochester, NY, United States 56007 posts
13th Dec '12
Quoting PurpleBama582:" I've done the research. There is nothing stating that the flu vaccine will work against this year's flu ... [snip!] ... HAD the flu this year, he got it from school, and no one else in the house contracted it, and no one got the flu shot. "


Well you could have said that instead of just saying "I don't want the live virus inside of her" lol



I don't do the flu shots here either.