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HE CHEATED. BG Secrets Arizona 4906 posts
13th Dec '12

Four days ago I went through my boyfriend's cell phone. I know I shouldn't have, because I should respect his privacy and trust him and everything but I was curious and I found text messages from "Erik Home Depot" on the 4th and they said something about remembering him (my boyfriend) and "Erik" asking how old my boyfriend was and "Erik" replying that "he" was 26. Then went on to say that "Erik" got the picture. My boyfriend doesn't have picture messaging so he had to send it through the e-mail.



Well, my boyfriend walked in on me reading his texts and at first I felt guilty, then angry. I asked who "Erik" was and turns out "Erik" is really Erika and he met her at Home Depot and she asked for his number. They texted that day, sent each other one picture and apparently she told him that she's married with three kids and her and her husband were having problems and he told me that he started feeling guilty and told her to just be with her husband, blah blah blah.



He said he got her number because I always accuse him of cheating (which he's NEVER actually given me reason to believe, until now) and we were arguing A LOT recently. So, that shouldn't be an excuse, right?



So after he told me everything I started crying hysterically and he repeatedly told me how sorry he was and he hasn't talked to her since that day and he only talked to her for that one day and that they didn't have sex or meet up or anything.



He changed his number and promised that he would never do anything like that ever again.



My question is, do I stay or do I leave? I love him so much and he does a lot for my and my daughter (who's not his) and even though he did this, I want to believe that he'd never do it again and he's telling me the truth. I also want to believe that he only did this because of how controlling and clingy I am, and how much I accuse him.



I know it's never okay to cheat but is it possible for the constant accusations to "cause" a man do go over the edge and do something he wouldn't normally do?



Would you consider the text messages and pictures "cheating" or just flirting?



Anyone been through something similar?



Do you believe "once a cheater, always a cheater"?



As of now, we're together and working on our relationship.. but am I just setting myself up for further heartbreak?




I'm so lost :(

Mrs. Conan O'Brien 2 kids; Colorado 20919 posts
13th Dec '12

What kind of pictures...?



I don't think it's cheating... I think both of you need counseling.



& no I don't believe 'once a cheater always a cheater'

BG Secrets Arizona 4906 posts
13th Dec '12
Quoting
Mrs. Post-tato Head 4 kids; 1 angel baby; 6804 posts
13th Dec '12

That's not really cheating IMO.



If he says he sorry and won't do it again and you believe him, then stay. And if you know you accuse him all the time that's something YOU need to work.



Sounds like your relationship needs work all around. Maybe marriage counseling?

cfxfdfdfdsfdafdsf Vacaville, California 71166 posts
13th Dec '12

What kind of picture?



And what kind of conversations were the test messages?



I wouldn't let him guilt you into feeling like its your fault, period.

Avery 1 child; Arizona 2709 posts
13th Dec '12

My SO cheated on me and I gave him a second chance. I believe in second chances.

user banned Altadena, California 11084 posts
13th Dec '12

Maybe I am missing something but just texting and being a friend to someone isnt cheating.



You both need some sort of outside help. If he has NEVER given you a reason to not trust him, you should trust him.



I have been married for 5 years and dated my husband 2 years before getting married, I have NEVER snooped through his phone.

BRiATCH ♥ 1 child; California 3499 posts
13th Dec '12
Quoting BG Secrets:" He told me one picture each, of just their faces."


Eh, really not too bad. There is trust issues and you two need to work on them if you want to stay together. It def sounds fixable though

Lady Anon Due December 25 (girl); 1 child; Davenport, Iowa 4610 posts
13th Dec '12

My ex always accused me of cheating, FOR 9 MONTHS.



Then I actually did and he was so shocked. Called me a wh**e for the whole year we were together after that.



You sound like him.



If you always accuse him of cheating when he never really gave you cause for concern till now then shame on you.

Mommy2Kay Due April 20; 1 child; Florida 4227 posts
13th Dec '12

I would seriously consider going to some counseling. You obviously have some trust issues although you started out saying you trusted him. You need to work on that and work on your relationship. I wouldn't give up if that was all that happened.

Mrs. Conan O'Brien 2 kids; Colorado 20919 posts
13th Dec '12
Quoting BG Secrets:" He told me one picture each, of just their faces."



So you weren't actually able to see the pics?

Socialist 1 child; Washington 17393 posts
13th Dec '12

That doesn't really sound like "Cheating" to me, that sounds like he was trying to get attention.



I wouldn't leave, I'd try to work through it.

BG Secrets Arizona 4906 posts
13th Dec '12
Quoting Lovelyyy KD*:" What kind of picture? And what kind of conversations were the test messages? I wouldn't let him guilt you into feeling like its your fault, period."


He said he sent one of his face and she sent one of hers and "she's not prettier than me"



So why do it? I don't remember everything they said word for word but the girl said that she got the picture and she remembered him. He gave her a fake name also.

BG Secrets Arizona 4906 posts
13th Dec '12
Quoting Lady Anon:" My ex always accused me of cheating, FOR 9 MONTHS. Then I actually did and he was so shocked. Called ... [snip!] ... like him. If you always accuse him of cheating when he never really gave you cause for concern till now then shame on you."


That's what I'm thinking. That I accused him so much he finally did it. :?

Lady Anon Due December 25 (girl); 1 child; Davenport, Iowa 4610 posts
13th Dec '12
Quoting Socialist:" That doesn't really sound like "Cheating" to me, that sounds like he was trying to get attention. I wouldn't leave, I'd try to work through it."


She said she always accuses him of it without having any reason to think that till now.



Maybe hes giving her a taste of her accusations.