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Madi's*Mama Due November 2; 1 child; Holland, Michigan 7391 posts
Dec 19th '12

<blockquote><b>Quoting justanothamotha:</b>" People just like to say "it's just a piece of paper" but I bet for most that if you called their wedding ring "just a ring" they'd see that as different. :wink:"</blockquote>



Yeah I know what you mean, but my ring I'm borrowing from my mom so it is just a ring to me but my promise ring that I got when we first started dating means the world to me and can not be replaced. When my fingers swelled during my pregnancy and I couldn't wear it I go so depressed and felt so naked without it on lol

justanothamotha Due January 20; 130 kids; Climax, Michigan 5120 posts
Dec 19th '12
Quoting Madi's*Mama:" <blockquote><b>Quoting justanothamotha:</b>" People just like to say "it's just a piece ... [snip!] ... When my fingers swelled during my pregnancy and I couldn't wear it I go so depressed and felt so naked without it on lol"

See - to me my ring IS "just a ring"....seriously. It means NOTHING legally - it's a cultural thing & not every culture even uses a ring & it isn't always on the left hand either....so I am just as married with & without a ring. That is not true without that "piece of paper". I like my ring & I appreciate it as a gift from Dh, but at the end of the day it is only a ring.

Madi's*Mama Due November 2; 1 child; Holland, Michigan 7391 posts
Dec 19th '12

<blockquote><b>Quoting justanothamotha:</b>" See - to me my ring IS "just a ring"....seriously. It means NOTHING legally - it's a cultural thing & ... [snip!] ... that "piece of paper". I like my ring & I appreciate it as a gift from Dh, but at the end of the day it is only a ring."</blockquote>



Oh not to me but its a religious aspect to me. DH and I have talked greatly about if we want to keep the rings are parents let us borrow or get our own since these were the rings blessed. We plan on renewing our vows in a few years since our first wedding was thrown together short notice so we will probably get new rings around then so that the new rings will be blessed as well.

кinga Due February 18 (girl); 1 child; Ontario 4606 posts
Dec 19th '12

I think it's fine. I refer to mine as my husband and we are not married legally. By his culture they see me as his wife though---there is no term girlfriend or something like that. If we live together and under one roof, we are considered married.

justanothamotha Due January 20; 130 kids; Climax, Michigan 5120 posts
Dec 19th '12
Quoting Madi's*Mama:" <blockquote><b>Quoting justanothamotha:</b>" See - to me my ring IS "just a ring"....seriously. ... [snip!] ... was thrown together short notice so we will probably get new rings around then so that the new rings will be blessed as well."

Even so - if you got mugged & both rings were stolen, you are still just as married & just as committed & I doubt you would think your marriage is less blessed because someone took your rings.

Madi's*Mama Due November 2; 1 child; Holland, Michigan 7391 posts
Dec 19th '12

<blockquote><b>Quoting justanothamotha:</b>" Even so - if you got mugged & both rings were stolen, you are still just as married & just as ... [snip!] ... as married & just as committed & I doubt you would think your marriage is less blessed because someone took your rings."</blockquote>




That's true lol

The Master Due September 8; 2 kids; Perth, Australia 20023 posts
Dec 19th '12

This is where I'm confused ... are we talking legality here or ceremonial?



SO and I have had a ceremony that for us is the same as a marriage ceremony, we had a commitment ceremony followed by one that is important to our lifestyle.



Nest year I'm planning a Norse hand tying ceremony, which is my religions version of a Christian wedding.



- - - would these things give me the right to call him my husband or not?

justanothamotha Due January 20; 130 kids; Climax, Michigan 5120 posts
Dec 19th '12
Quoting The (super kinky) Master:" This is where I'm confused ... are we talking legality here or ceremonial? SO and I have had a ceremony ... [snip!] ... is my religions version of a Christian wedding. - - - would these things give me the right to call him my husband or not?"

I just don't know that THIS particular one is a good topic for international discussion because I am COMPLETELY confused as to what rights you get in AU being married versus not....



Where I am from if you are not married - you cannot have these benefits:

Whether or not you favor marriage as a social institution, there's no denying that it confers many rights, protections, and benefits -- both legal and practical. Some of these vary from state to state, but the list typically includes:

Whether or not you favor marriage as a social institution, there's no denying that it confers many rights, protections, and benefits -- both legal and practical. Some of these vary from state to state, but the list typically includes:
Tax Benefits



  • Filing joint income tax returns with the IRS and state taxing authorities.
  • Creating a "family partnership" under federal tax laws, which allows you to divide business income among family members.


Estate Planning Benefits



  • Inheriting a share of your spouse's estate.
  • Receiving an exemption from both estate taxes and gift taxes for all property you give or leave to your spouse.
  • Creating life estate trusts that are restricted to married couples, including QTIP trusts, QDOT trusts, and marital deduction trusts.
  • Obtaining priority if a conservator needs to be appointed for your spouse -- that is, someone to make financial and/or medical decisions on your spouse's behalf.


Government Benefits



  • Receiving Social Security, Medicare, and disability benefits for spouses.
  • Receiving veterans' and military benefits for spouses, such as those for education, medical care, or special loans.
  • Receiving public assistance benefits.


Employment Benefits



  • Obtaining insurance benefits through a spouse's employer.
  • Taking family leave to care for your spouse during an illness.
  • Receiving wages, workers' compensation, and retirement plan benefits for a deceased spouse.
  • Taking bereavement leave if your spouse or one of your spouse's close relatives dies.


Medical Benefits



  • Visiting your spouse in a hospital intensive care unit or during restricted visiting hours in other parts of a medical facility.
  • Making medical decisions for your spouse if he or she becomes incapacitated and unable to express wishes for treatment.


Death Benefits



  • Consenting to after-death examinations and procedures.
  • Making burial or other final arrangements.


Family Benefits



  • Filing for stepparent or joint adoption.
  • Applying for joint foster care rights.
  • Receiving equitable division of property if you divorce.
  • Receiving spousal or child support, child custody, and visitation if you divorce.


Housing Benefits



  • Living in neighborhoods zoned for "families only."
  • Automatically renewing leases signed by your spouse.


Consumer Benefits



  • Receiving family rates for health, homeowners', auto, and other types of insurance.
  • Receiving tuition discounts and permission to use school facilities.
  • Other consumer discounts and incentives offered only to married couples or families.


Other Legal Benefits and Protections



  • Suing a third person for wrongful death of your spouse and loss of consortium (loss of intimacy).
  • Suing a third person for offenses that interfere with the success of your marriage, such as alienation of affection and criminal conversation (these laws are available in only a few states).
  • Claiming the marital communications privilege, which means a court can't force you to disclose the contents of confidential communications between you and your spouse during your marriage.
  • Receiving crime victims' recovery benefits if your spouse is the victim of a crime.
  • Obtaining immigration and residency benefits for noncitizen spouse.
  • Visiting rights in jails and other places where visitors are restricted to immediate family.


http://www.nolo.com/legal-encyclopedia/marriage-rights-benefits-30190.html

justanothamotha Due January 20; 130 kids; Climax, Michigan 5120 posts
Dec 19th '12

So let's say here - when Dh & I lived together - even after 9 yrs (which is how long we lived together) - if he were to end up in intensive care & his family didn't like me, they could bar me from visiting him there, they would make all medical decisions & they would have all rights to his body if he died. If he named me as his beneficiary in his will they could take me to court as "next of kin" and they may or may not win, particularly if they incurred bills related to his burial, etc. If he had a child from a previous relationship, that child (mother most likely) could sue for his estate as well - even IF I lived in the house the past 9 yrs & any of his possessions, etc, etc. The only way to get around this stuff is go to a lawyer & specifically draw up a living will advanced directive.

Madi's*Mama Due November 2; 1 child; Holland, Michigan 7391 posts
Dec 19th '12

<blockquote><b>Quoting The (super kinky) Master:</b>" This is where I'm confused ... are we talking legality here or ceremonial? SO and I have had a ceremony ... [snip!] ... is my religions version of a Christian wedding. - - - would these things give me the right to call him my husband or not?"</blockquote>



This is why if you are together a long time it doesn't bother me but if you've only been together for like a year it would bother me.

justanothamotha Due January 20; 130 kids; Climax, Michigan 5120 posts
Dec 19th '12
Quoting The (super kinky) Master:" This is where I'm confused ... are we talking legality here or ceremonial? SO and I have had a ceremony ... [snip!] ... is my religions version of a Christian wedding. - - - would these things give me the right to call him my husband or not?"

You always have the right to call him whatever you please...my only issue is that it annoys me when it misrepresents the situation & isn't accurate. It sounds to me like your legal rights vary greatly from ours & that there is a different connotation to living together there than there is here, etc.

ρiηkie ρie 3 kids; 3 angel babies; Kentucky 21902 posts
Dec 19th '12
Quoting justanothamotha:" People just like to say "it's just a piece of paper" but I bet for most that if you called their wedding ring "just a ring" they'd see that as different. :wink:"

I wouldn't. Because it IS just a ring. Marriage at it's roots had little to do with legality and more to do with a man securing the paternity of his children and basically owning his wife or wives. It wasn't until much later that marriage and weddings were romanticized as some grand gesture of love. Now, if you want to talk about the ring specifically, at it's roots it was a gift given to ONLY the bride during the betrothal, not the wedding. And not by her husband either I might add, the husband didn't even wear a ring. That practice didn't really gain popularity until the 1920s. And only gained popularity because of a successful marketing campaign. But if you want to talk about today's standards, the ring is a symbol. Nothing more. Your marriage, love, and your commitment to your spouse is not dependent on the ring, nor is it suddenly gone should you take off the ring, you're not unmarried every time you take it off before a shower. So yeah, it is "just a ring."

The Master Due September 8; 2 kids; Perth, Australia 20023 posts
Dec 19th '12
Quoting justanothamotha:" I just don't know that THIS particular one is a good topic for international discussion because I am ... [snip!] ... where visitors are restricted to immediate family. http://www.nolo.com/legal-encyclopedia/marriage-rights-benefits-30190.html"


So I shouldn't have answered this thread because I'm not American?

justanothamotha Due January 20; 130 kids; Climax, Michigan 5120 posts
Dec 20th '12
Quoting The (super kinky) Master:" So I shouldn't have answered this thread because I'm not American?"

Huh? :?



I hope you are trying to be funny.



I said I am not sure it's a good topic for international discussion....since there is a great difference between how things are viewed legally from one country to the next so what *I* say as an American may not be what *I* would say if I lived elsewhere where living together has different legal ramifications. I am answering based on what it is like where *I* live - that doesn't apply universally to all people everywhere.



You are asking stuff like this:
"This is where I'm confused ... are we talking legality here or ceremonial?

SO and I have had a ceremony that for us is the same as a marriage ceremony, we had a commitment ceremony followed by one that is important to our lifestyle.

Nest year I'm planning a Norse hand tying ceremony, which is my religions version of a Christian wedding.

- - - would these things give me the right to call him my husband or not?"



And my point of it not making a good international topic is that I have no idea what it means as it seems like things are clearly different in Au than here when it comes to what that means legally for you. Where I am from, if you haven't had a legally officiated wedding, you're not entitled to ANY of the privileges of marriage - as I already outlined them - so no inheritance rights, no ability to make medical decisions, not even the "right" to visit him in intensive care if he is unconscious & under orders to only see "next of kin".

DisneyMommy 34 kids; Florida 6301 posts
Dec 20th '12

It does not bother me, I sometimes have called my SO my Husband, and he has called me his wife, although we dont always call each other that,. I love him like I would a Husband. We did not call each other Husband or Wife until we were ate the point of raising children together and sharing a life and home, not when we were dating,.



What I would find insulting, would be anyone who tried to tell me I dont know what a real marriage is,. Prior to my SO I was married legally married, I had the romantic proposal, the big wedding, the white dress, the rings, the vows, the paperwork, the starting of a family and life together with a loved one, and I made medical decisions for my spouse, and had all the legal rights to the marriage. I think I might have a small clue what a marriage is.



I care for my SO on the same level I cared for my "Real" Husband.
So if I call him Husband once in awhile and it offends anyone tough on them.