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Ever feel like it was your fault? Impending_Doom 2 kids; 3 angel babies; Colorado 577 posts
18th Dec '12

For those of you who have miscarried, do you ever feel like maybe it was your fault? I mean, I know that there's nothing you can do to stop one, especially early on. But sometimes I feel like maybe if I did things differently it wouldn't have happened. Like after my close call, maybe if I'd taken it easy for longer it wouldn't have happened. It doesn't help that I miscarried the same day I'd had to do a lot of walking (including up and down stairs) at work. But then what could I do? I suppose there was a chance they could have been accommodative if I'd told them I couldn't do that, but what if they weren't? I have been fired for pregnancy issues before.and I can't afford to lose my job. I'm trying to support three people on my one income, as my husband is having trouble getting a job that is compatible with his school schedule. Maybe it was selfish of me to choose my job over my baby, but without my job, how would the rest of my family survive? I know I probably did the right thing, but I still feel guilty.

Just Ames 2 kids; 1 angel baby; Montego Bay, Jamaica 114793 posts
18th Dec '12

You are absolutely right. Without your job, how would you all survive?



Also, I will say that walking will not make you miscarry. Even if the Dr tells you to "take it easy" this is only because that's all they can say but it doesn't mean jack shit in 1st trimester miscarriages.



I'm sorry for your loss.

Ellie. 34 kids; Arizona 25368 posts
18th Dec '12

I'm so sorry. :(

Yes... I felt that way with my first loss. That I caused it by not being careful enough. This time though (had a D&C 2 weeks ago), I know it was something that happened naturally on it's own. Something must not have been right in the development, and I look at it... as better now than being born with problems later on. It sucks, but that's how I get through it. I cant bear to think of anything else, because if I do, I'll probably lose my cool.

AaliyahVal'sMommy 1 child; 1 angel baby; Cleveland, Ohio 1332 posts
18th Dec '12

I didn't feel like it was my fault, i was just very upset about it.
I was angry with my doctors because i felt they didn't do enough to find out that the baby inside of me had been dead since my first visit and they led me to believe i was really pregnant with a live baby i was going to get.
Today was my due date :(

HopingforaMiracle 1 child; USA 21627 posts
18th Dec '12

Logically I knew that I had nothing to do with it. It happens sometimes. But emotionally I did blame myself. For not wanting the baby. For contemplating an abortion.

Ellie. 34 kids; Arizona 25368 posts
18th Dec '12
Quoting HopingforaMiracle:" Logically I knew that I had nothing to do with it. It happens sometimes. But emotionally I did blame myself. For not wanting the baby. For contemplating an abortion."


This exactly for this loss I recently had.

HopingforaMiracle 1 child; USA 21627 posts
18th Dec '12

<blockquote><b>Quoting Man. Bear. Pig.:</b>" This exactly for this loss I recently had."</blockquote>




<3

Ellie. 34 kids; Arizona 25368 posts
18th Dec '12
Quoting HopingforaMiracle:" <blockquote><b>Quoting Man. Bear. Pig.:</b>" This exactly for this loss I recently had."</blockquote> <3"


<3 to you too. :)

Impending_Doom 2 kids; 3 angel babies; Colorado 577 posts
18th Dec '12

<blockquote><b>Quoting Rebecca Brown*:</b>" I didn't feel like it was my fault, i was just very upset about it. I was angry with my doctors because ... [snip!] ... my first visit and they led me to believe i was really pregnant with a live baby i was going to get. Today was my due date :("</blockquote>




That's exactly what mine did to me. Even after I had miscarried, they led me to believe it was a false alarm and kept me in suspense for 3 days before finally telling me I'd lost the baby.

Amiyah Destiny's Mommy 17 kids; Raleigh, North Carolina 2106 posts
18th Dec '12

I miscarried early yesterday morning . The night before that I heard the heartbeat and the baby was absolutely fine . I feel it was 100% my fault that my baby didn't live especially because I was 12 weeks. I just want to know why it happened and could I have prevented it from happening.

Ellie. 34 kids; Arizona 25368 posts
18th Dec '12
Quoting Amiyah Destiny's Mommy:" I miscarried early yesterday morning . The night before that I heard the heartbeat and the baby was absolutely ... [snip!] ... live especially because I was 12 weeks. I just want to know why it happened and could I have prevented it from happening."


I"m so very sorry. I miscarried around 10 weeks. My doctor says that around this stage is when the placenta starts taking over, and if there are things that aren't developed correctly with the baby, this is around the time that something could happen as far as miscarriage.

Katie Loveland Due March 2 (boy); 16 kids; New Mexico 2 posts
19th Dec '12

I lost my first because I partied.. I took a first response a day before and it showed negative. So that weekend I went to a party and had a few drinks. When I woke up I had a horrible pain in my belly and back and my bed was covered in blood. I looked at the same pregnancy test that showed negative and a really light shaded red line appeared as positive. The line wasnt there the day before.. I still feel like its my fault.

Amiyah Destiny's Mommy 17 kids; Raleigh, North Carolina 2106 posts
19th Dec '12

<blockquote><b>Quoting Man. Bear. Pig.:</b>" I"m so very sorry. I miscarried around 10 weeks. My doctor says that around this stage is when the placenta ... [snip!] ... that aren't developed correctly with the baby, this is around the time that something could happen as far as miscarriage."</blockquote>




I just hope it was the placenta or something and not anything I did. When I found out I was pregnant I stopped drinking and smoking , I took prenatals right away so I don't know what went wrong. I just can't wait to try again .

Ellie. 34 kids; Arizona 25368 posts
19th Dec '12
Quoting Amiyah Destiny's Mommy:" <blockquote><b>Quoting Man. Bear. Pig.:</b>" I"m so very sorry. I miscarried around ... [snip!] ... I stopped drinking and smoking , I took prenatals right away so I don't know what went wrong. I just can't wait to try again ."


I'm pretty sure it was nothing you did. <3 Your uterus is designed to keep the baby as safe as possible. But it's so intricate... the forming of all of the organs and everything working together. Even if one little thing is not working properly, it could mean the development of everything could go wrong. Its much better to have it happen now. DO NOT blame yourself. Sounds like you were very healthy when you found out, and there's nothing more you could have done. (((hugs)))

xyxy 2 kids; 4 angel babies; ldn, uk, United Kingdom 160 posts
19th Dec '12

Yes i felt like it might have been my fault both times; neither were planned so i hadn't been "behaving" properly as a pregnant woman should... i was pregnant last new years' eve and didn't know it- i drank 3/4 bottle of vodka and the rest... i miscarried 2 weeks later but the pregnancy had already started to fail, my HCG was dropping 10 days before i started bleeding. The first time i miscarried i had been in a car accident (only minor one but still!) and it had been my birthday, so again i had been drinking etc (this post makes me sound like some wino but i actually hardly EVER drink!!) so yeah both times i blamed myself.



i KNOW that miscarriages 99% of the time are caused by chromosome abnormalities, NOT anything the pregnant woman has done! but it's hard telling that to yourself, isnt' it :(




if i ever get pregnant again, i am hoping it would be planned- and of course will do everything perfectly by the book... but if it all went south i would blame myself anyway for what i've done this year :'( i would feel like i deserved it :'(