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Dictating how a surrogate lives Mama Rice 34 kids; North Las Vegas, Nevada 11980 posts
18th Dec '12

A friend of mine is looking at a surrogate to have a baby for her (she cannot physically carry children, a childhood injury I guess....it has been confirmed by a dr but I don't know the exact details). She has had no luck. And she was venting to me, I think I understand why now. She is requiring the surrogate to submit to a drug test, wants them to follow a strict vegan organic diet (but she said she will not be providing them the money to buy that type of food), and she wants them to keep a log of everything they put in their body (she doesn't even want them to take tylenol, benadryl, or any other medications other than prenatal vitamins). I guess I see someone being a surrogate for you a gift they are giving to you. She is wanting to find a surrogate without going through an agency or anything, she said she is going to pay all the medical bills and give them $3,000 ($5,000 for multiples) compensation after the baby is born. I understand wanting the best start for your child, but is it fair to think you can dictate how someone else lives (including what they put in their body) because they are your surrogate?

~~My Pet Wussy~~ 3 kids; USA 23722 posts
18th Dec '12

As long as they understand her expectations beforehand, I don't see the issue. They can always so no.

Yurvette [♥] 2 kids; 1 angel baby; Hyrule Castle, LZ, San Marino 36539 posts
status 18th Dec '12

uh.. nope. That shit is crazy. I would not do that shit for anyone. She should understand that the person is giving her a gift.

tinana+2 TTC since Nov 2013; 2 kids; Staten Island, NY, United States 29659 posts
18th Dec '12

I think it kind of goes with picking a surrogate. You can choose to be picky or choose to not. I wouldn't be comfortable with someone if I didn't know and agree with their eating habits and morals, etc (as far as the drug testing).



I don't see a big issue with her being picky about it.

IDID-VBAC 12/09 2 kids; Alaska 44106 posts
18th Dec '12

When you go through a an agency some of these same things are stipulated. What she is asking is more then what most ask of their surrogates but it is the norm to have restrictions on what the surrogate can do, eat and take medicine wise.

tinana+2 TTC since Nov 2013; 2 kids; Staten Island, NY, United States 29659 posts
18th Dec '12
Quoting Yurvette [♥]:" uh.. nope. That shit is crazy. I would not do that shit for anyone. She should understand that the person is giving her a gift. "


IMO it isn't a gift if they're being compensated. They're doing a job for her. My boss would be pissed if I showed up to work trashed and eating slobby all over the place :lol:

Mama Rice 34 kids; North Las Vegas, Nevada 11980 posts
18th Dec '12

<blockquote><b>Quoting ~~My Pet Wussy~~:</b>" As long as they understand her expectations beforehand, I don't see the issue. They can always so no."</blockquote>



All of them have. :( She has interviewed 12 women already. I feel bad for her. But I know some of the expectations she has seem too extreme in my opinion.

Mommy2Kay Due April 20; 1 child; Florida 4235 posts
18th Dec '12

She should look into a vegan surrogate, then there shouldn't be a big issue. I would love to be a surrogate but there is no way I would change my whole lifestyle for anyone.

Angel [Mariah's Mommy] 1 child; Indianapolis, Indiana 18065 posts
18th Dec '12

I mean I get it, kinda, but if she wants them to maintain that strict of a diet, I believe she should pay for that. She's going to be hard-pressed to find anyone that would want to do that, and what if they have to have medications? Or a csection?

SavageDarling 3 kids; Webster, Massachusetts 10381 posts
18th Dec '12

She can ask them to do anything she wants during the pregnancy. Finding a surrogate to agree to those conditions is going to be nearly impossible though.

tinana+2 TTC since Nov 2013; 2 kids; Staten Island, NY, United States 29659 posts
18th Dec '12
Quoting Mama Rice:" <blockquote><b>Quoting ~~My Pet Wussy~~:</b>" As long as they understand her expectations ... [snip!] ... interviewed 12 women already. I feel bad for her. But I know some of the expectations she has seem too extreme in my opinion."


Maybe she has to ease up a litttle on her restrictions, or maybe expand where she's looking?

Mama Rice 34 kids; North Las Vegas, Nevada 11980 posts
18th Dec '12

<blockquote><b>Quoting tinana +2:</b>" I think it kind of goes with picking a surrogate. You can choose to be picky or choose to not. I wouldn't ... [snip!] ... with their eating habits and morals, etc (as far as the drug testing). I don't see a big issue with her being picky about it."</blockquote>



She has been looking for almost 2 years. She almost found one but the woman said the diet was too extreme for her. It makes me sad for her because she truly does want a baby that is hers (her eggs have been harvested and fertilized with her DHs sperm, just waiting on a surrogate).

castaway 2 kids; Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania 19100 posts
18th Dec '12

I think it's fair because if someone doesn't want to follow her requests, they don't have to be her surrogate.



And I am shocked at that 3 to 5 grand figure. That is way lower than I figured was normal. That is a lot of shit to go through for 9 months for that kind of money (yeah, I know people do it to be kind a lot of the times, but that seems really unfair to me)

Mama Rice 34 kids; North Las Vegas, Nevada 11980 posts
18th Dec '12

<blockquote><b>Quoting Angel [Mariah's Mommy]:</b>" I mean I get it, kinda, but if she wants them to maintain that strict of a diet, I believe she should ... [snip!] ... going to be hard-pressed to find anyone that would want to do that, and what if they have to have medications? Or a csection? "</blockquote>



Oh how could I forget.....she wants the surrogate to agree to an all natural, unmedicated, home birth in her house.

Chris's Mommy 1 child; Seaside, California 2618 posts
18th Dec '12

I have thought about being a surrogate and I understand there are some restrictions. I would be okay submitting to a drug test at any time. Restricting what I can eat or what medications I can take, is a no go for me. I try to eat as organic as I can, but I am not anywhere close to a vegan. Also I tend to get colds and headaches and at times it would require medication.