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Cast Your Vote:

    • Yes, I have a favorite and it's obvious to some -- Votes: 6
    • Yes, I have a favorite but no one can tell -- Votes: 3
    • No, I love them all just the same -- Votes: 17
    • Other -- Votes: 1
Favorite Child??? How do you deal w/ it? sillygirltracyb_caius1222 4 kids; North Richland Hills, Texas 614 posts
20th Dec '12

Ok.. so here's the deal.. 3 kids.. Don't get me wrong.. I love them all, but (and a big one), I am very partial to one of my kids. but when it comes to punishment for improper behavior, I find it easier to punish my daughter. She messes up in school, late assignments, failing grades, doesnt shower on a regular basis, doesnt do what i ask on time 1 or 2, room's a disaster, almost everything you can be upset w/ a 6th grader for. Very easy to ground her, take away privileges etc.



So my "favorite" son.. had 2 missing assignments I just noticed, and as a result failed Pre-AP social studies (8th grade), it PAINS me to ground him.. like i wanna let him slide bc his teacher is on vacation this week I guess although one of the assignments is from 12/3 when he was sick and stayed home, and the other 12/10, not sure why that would be late.. Point being, in my mind.. im making excuses for him.. but my daughter would (and is) grounded for the same thing. I justify it bc she's habitual with it. Although he was too last 6 weeks, bc unfortunately his teacher is also his football and basketball coach. I feel like the teacher was giving him courtesy last 6 weeks, so i asked all his teachers to NOT extend any courtesies any other student would get. As a result, I have made all of my kids responsible for all of their assignments yet am having a HARD time evenly inforcing..



Well and the other of the 3. he's the 2nd of the twin boys.. I just don't support his activities/interests the same.. yes, i attend his band stuff.. but he wants to take karate and that's very expensive.. BUT here's the problem with that.. the above son, i have NO problem spending money on for select teams, private lessons, etc.. this next year of baseball alone for him will be around $3,000.. so why do i have an issue spending $900 on karate or whatever it would be for the other...



I KNOW I HAVE A PROBLEM.. I UNDERSTAND THIS.. MY HUSBAND REMINDS ME EVERY TIME I MESS UP.. I just dont know how to get better with it.. and now this baby coming.. I already know he is gonna be my world when the other 3 grow up and leave me for college in a few years.. I know the issue.. It's because I relate and have more interest in the interests of the one son.. the other two are not like me.. and as for my daughter, she and i aren't really bonded i guess.

user banned (boy); 2 kids; Fucking, Austria 36337 posts
20th Dec '12

This makes me so sad. If I was your child I would be completely heartbroken, if I found that out. :(

Mom2B&H 2 kids; Tennessee 2787 posts
20th Dec '12
Quoting ℳary ℐane:" This makes me so sad. If I was your child I would be completely heartbroken, if I found that out. :("


:!: :(

JΔS Georgia 74369 posts
20th Dec '12
Quoting ℳary ℐane:" This makes me so sad. If I was your child I would be completely heartbroken, if I found that out. :("


:!:
One of my children is easier to deal with than the other but I don't have a favorite.

Cordelia's Mom 33 kids; Bakersfield, California 3685 posts
20th Dec '12

:/ this is why I want only one kid
Sorry you feel that way and I am sorry for your daughter.

Mutha. TTC since Jan 1995; 3830 posts
20th Dec '12

My baby isn't here yet, but I already have a daughter. I don't think I could ever have a favorite between the two! I'll love my kids equally!

Maria + Cory = Alexis 17 kids; Middleport, Ohio 1075 posts
20th Dec '12

I resent my mother for favoring my brother. I resent her even more for favoring my eldest niece over her other five grandchildren. My sisters don't take kindly to it either. But in the end, we all love our brother.



Your post is a big reason I only want one child. I don't ever want that to happen to me. But regardless I do understand. My eldest sister favors her oldest and my other sister favors her middle child (only boy). I just don't want that to be me.

Addi's Momma Due January 23 (girl); 1 child; 1 angel baby; Florissant, Missouri 5432 posts
20th Dec '12
Quoting ℳary ℐane:" This makes me so sad. If I was your child I would be completely heartbroken, if I found that out. :("


:!::!:

Maria + Cory = Alexis 17 kids; Middleport, Ohio 1075 posts
20th Dec '12
Quoting ℳary ℐane:" This makes me so sad. If I was your child I would be completely heartbroken, if I found that out. :("

It was no secret in our house. Three girls and one boy, he got by with murder. I still have issues with my mother over this. And as the child, it is completely heartbreaking.

user banned Nassau, BA, Bahamas 5125 posts
20th Dec '12

I have actually had a problem with this. I wouldn't go as far to say that I "favorite" my son over my daughter. I was a bad mom in the beginning with her, I partied a lot and wanted to let go of my life. Never breastfed her, resented her because I felt like my relationship failed after I had a baby, etc. With my son, I have this SERIOUSLY strong bond with him and I feel like I actually parented him correctly. To this day, my guilt for not giving my daughter more than she deserved gets in the way of my patience with myself. She also has some learning problems that make it hard to communicate with her and she is short on patience. Our relationship has gotten so much better though. But I love her SO MUCH, just like my son and their new sibling on it's way. Don't feel bad. But you need to be very careful that you treat all of your kids equally and remind your daughter that you love her too. Also try to get into counseling, maybe even family counseling. It's helping me. Good luck.

user banned 3 kids; Ontario 10942 posts
20th Dec '12

Wow.



I have 3 kids that I treat the exact same. No favorite at all. I couldn't imagine feeling the way your DD does that's sad.

Addi's Momma Due January 23 (girl); 1 child; 1 angel baby; Florissant, Missouri 5432 posts
20th Dec '12
Quoting Maria + Cory = Alexis:" I resent my mother for favoring my brother. I resent her even more for favoring my eldest niece over ... [snip!] ... My eldest sister favors her oldest and my other sister favors her middle child (only boy). I just don't want that to be me."


My mom favored my brother also. There was only 2 of us though. It was quite obvious. He got away with murder most of the time. While I was grounded and pushed to do well in school. He didn't even finish high school and ended up with his GED. She has never pushed him to go to college yet bashes me every chance she gets for not finishing school and having dd.



OP I would try therapy or something. Your kids deserve equal love. Your daughter is going to end up with some serious resentment towards you if you keep punishing her and her brother but doing nothing to the third.

sillygirltracyb_caius1222 4 kids; North Richland Hills, Texas 614 posts
20th Dec '12

well it could also be that i know that my sister was my dad's favorite.. and i could NEVER (and still can not) figure out why...



I dont know i think if my daughter did not give me the attitude of laziness that may be it.. but it seems like the reason she doesn't do anything to level is bc she is in a hurry to play her video games, etc.. her room is half-a all the time.. up until this year she was A/B honorroll, but attitude really started showing in 5th grade.. I realized she is pre-pubescent (sp?) and that may be part of it too.. but she doesn't take pride in her "work"



My kids - all of them- take a lot for granted... They don't "want" for anything.. but she also has a problem lying.. she straight lied to my husband last week, bc she was watching tv when she got home from school and turned it off when she heard the garage door open... she was grounded from the tv for all the missing assignments, failing at mid-term, etc...



I try to spend 1-1 time with her, but it's like i have to force her to leave her room even.. even when she's grounded.. .we decorated the tree together and helped get the baby room together.. but she just doesn't have the motivation or desire to "get it right"...



but when it comes to stuff, bday, christmas... all that's equal.. no favorites there.. I coach her softball team and even got her a pitching coach.. but she never practiced outside of the lessons or our scheduled practice time.. I mean, i may make it sound harsh in the first post.. but I try to give them all the same.. but bc of her attitude and stuff, it makes it sooo much easier to punish her..

DMills 2 kids; Sanford, North Carolina 42 posts
20th Dec '12

I am the middle child of three children, I have an older sister and a younger brother. My brother has always been the favorite and always referred to as "the baby." He would get the private lessons, the opportunity to take karate, the chance to go to private school, the most expensive electronics, and the biggest portions at meal time. I love my brother but I resent my mom for favoring him. My mom has no baby pictures of me, never attended any of my award ceremonies in school and often ignored me. My brother turned 21 and got a brand new 4 door f150 pick-up truck that has a $700 a month payment that he is not responsible for. He got to go on family vacations while my sister and I got left behind at my grandmother's house. He is still referred to as "the baby" and is 21 years old. Have you ever thought maybe your daughter gets in trouble for your attention because she knows your son is the favorite? Please coming from someone who grew up in this type of environment try not to do the favorites thing. You are going to make a hostile sibling environment, they are going to resent the favorite and you.

Maria + Cory = Alexis 17 kids; Middleport, Ohio 1075 posts
20th Dec '12
Quoting Addi's Momma:" My mom favored my brother also. There was only 2 of us though. It was quite obvious. He got away with ... [snip!] ... to end up with some serious resentment towards you if you keep punishing her and her brother but doing nothing to the third."

My mother would give my brother cash for getting B's on a report card. I was an honor roll student and got nothing. My brother is a year older than me but I still managed to graduate HS before him. I was the first person in my family to attend a graduate college. Not only did I get one degrees but two and had a near perfect GPA. My parents showed up late for the graduation and left early. My brother enrolls into college for one term and they couldn't be prouder.