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Long, but I need serious advice. kthx. TTC since Nov 2012; Cleves, Ohio 65233 posts
22nd Dec '12

SO had a past with this girl, who I've become 'friends' with. We aren't close, but talk when we see each other. Absolutely no angst between us.



She's having boyfriend troubles. She lives with him, and they're fighting and she doesn't want to be there. She texted him asking for advice. He told me what was going on. I was like, "Well... she can crash here for a little bit. I have no problem with that."




And then he started making comments about threesomes. Side note -- I am bisexual, and do want to have a t*******e. But EVERYTHING involving another girl HAS to be sexual with him. It's really starting to bug me. And I've told him NUMEROUS times to chill the f**k out about it because it's making me NOT want to find a third. And then he goes, "Well, I don't think it's such a good idea." I asked why... and he said because they had a past, and he isn't sure how he'll feel around her alone.



UH. Come again? I told him there shouldn't be any feelings or questions... because he's with me. f**king A, we're trying for a baby :? So I'd like to think we're a little serious. He was like, "So if you were ever in a room with a guy who you were trying to get with, but time was a factor.... nothing would come up? No feelings?" Uh... f**k no. I could be in a room with the guy I was with for 4 years and STILL not feel a thing. I love SO dearly, and nothing will ever 'tempt' me.



What do I do? What do I say? Obviously telling him to cool his balls on this whole t*******e thing isn't working. And now... our friend has to stay with her shitty boyfriend because I can't trust him to stay faithful while I'm working :? Please offer some advice... and nothing telling me to leave him. I don't treat my relationship like a piece of rubbish that can be thrown away so easily.

miss.Amandalyn 3 kids; Saskatchewan 1274 posts
22nd Dec '12

I know how you feel my ex was always pushing for Threeway answer asking which girls I wanted to do... But if you can't trust him I wouldn't have a Threeway or be ttc

melindapple 1 child; Michigan 5420 posts
22nd Dec '12

I don't really have any advice, but that is pretty shitty that he questions his ability to stay faithful to you. And I think it's awesome that you were so willing to let that girl stay there. Of course, now it would be out of the question for me too. Hopefully you can talk things out and find out how "serious" he is about you, because it sounds pretty weird that he wants to have a baby with you, but doesn't know if he can stay faithful. :( I'm sorry.

HungryHippo 2 kids; Missouri 11973 posts
22nd Dec '12

At least he was honest
And he didn't say he still loved her,just that he wouldn't feel comfortable doing anything because feelings might resurface
I can understand why you're upset but at least he was decent enough to be honest with you and not lie

kthx. TTC since Nov 2012; Cleves, Ohio 65233 posts
22nd Dec '12
Quoting Mrs.Josh Ramsay:" I know how you feel my ex was always pushing for Threeway answer asking which girls I wanted to do... But if you can't trust him I wouldn't have a Threeway or be ttc"


I trusted him up until now. I don't know how I feel right now.



He just came in and said it's more feeling awkward... not temptation. How are those even similar :?

May♥ 1 child; Texas 9167 posts
22nd Dec '12

:? <3




........... ..

Third time's a charm 5 kids; Georgia 1398 posts
22nd Dec '12

Boy oh boy....if I was in your spot, I would try to help her find somewhere else to stay but seriously...if your SO will admittedly be tempted to your face, whats to say he won't reach out to her anyway knowing she is "single" whether its in your house or not...kwim?

user banned 2 kids; Bat Cave, North Carolina 64587 posts
22nd Dec '12

Didn't you guys have past issues though, too? With him an and ex or something like that?

ILOVEWINE Due April 24; 2 kids; Sweden 10814 posts
22nd Dec '12

I think I would have a pretty honest talk with him and make 100% sure you are what he wants. And ask him if he is still willing to be with you even if a t*******e were to never happen. I think he probably really into the idea of a t*******e and just got really excited about her staying there because in his mind in might have happened.

HopingforaMiracle 1 child; USA 21572 posts
status 22nd Dec '12

I'm thankful he was honest with you before having a t*******e and having her move in and then something happening. I would maybe sit down and have a talk with him.

Third time's a charm 5 kids; Georgia 1398 posts
22nd Dec '12

UGH! The 'awkward' thing does makes sense sincee they have a past but why would the two even be comparable in his mind? MEN! I swear....




* edited for backwards sense...lol

melindapple 1 child; Michigan 5420 posts
22nd Dec '12
Quoting HopingforaMiracle:" I'm thankful he was honest with you before having a t*******e and having her move in and then something happening. I would maybe sit down and have a talk with him."


very true!

kthx. TTC since Nov 2012; Cleves, Ohio 65233 posts
22nd Dec '12

I know he won't cheat. That's one thing I can trust him for. He does flirt, hell I do, too. But he's been hurt enough, that he won't cheat. So I'm not worried about that happening.



I'm just hurt that after sooo long, he's saying feelings might come back. I do appreciate that he was honest... and didn't just lie to me and put himself in a situation to have those feeling resurface.



Though now he's changing his story. He's saying it'll be awkward, not temptation. And now he's getting like.... angry? about it. Saying what are we gonna do if she ends up staying here for 6 months (she does work, so I'm not worried about mooching). but to me, it sounds like her and her boyfriend are just fighting... and need some space to breathe for a little bit. So I'd be okay with her staying here for a week or so. And now he's saying no. WHATEVER. I don't understand him right now.



...now he's like, "Well do you want me to see if she wants to go out with us tonight? Clear her head?"



This man.... I swear.

kthx. TTC since Nov 2012; Cleves, Ohio 65233 posts
22nd Dec '12
Quoting Mayhem.:" Didn't you guys have past issues though, too? With him an and ex or something like that?"


Yeah. His first love. Which, that I can understand. As fucked up as it is, I can understand him not wanting to be around her. But this girl.... they never even dated. Only talked. They couldn't date because she was a minor, so they were going to wait until she turned 18 (she's 18 now). She has no interest in him as far as I know. The few times we've texted... because I straight up asked her if she still wanted him :lol: And she said no, but that he's a very good listener and she appreciates that.

HopingforaMiracle 1 child; USA 21572 posts
status 22nd Dec '12

<blockquote><b>Quoting kthx.:</b>" I know he won't cheat. That's one thing I can trust him for. He does flirt, hell I do, too. But he's ... [snip!] ... ...now he's like, "Well do you want me to see if she wants to go out with us tonight? Clear her head?" This man.... I swear."</blockquote>




Sending mixed signals it seems