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SO awful with money Tavi 1 child; Washington 24382 posts
23rd Dec '12

So I'm one of those people who plan out everything. I like to make sure everything is covered before I do much of anything else. SO is not the same. He's one of those people who gets bored easily and wants to do stuff, but doesn't plan it out.



Our situation is this: He makes more money than I do. He makes good money also. I'm working just to help make things a little more easier on us. Together, our incomes are more than enough to get us by. We have a paycheck coming in every week.Here's the problem though...last week I pulled out gas money for the truck. Told him 5 times it was for the truck. He spent it on something completely unimportant. He had to borrow money from his mom for gas. His mom already watches our LO for free...they don't make nowhere near as much money as we do. It's ridiculous. I was pissed, because he wouldn't of had to do that if he just put the money I gave him in the tank.
This time, I set out money for the truck. Looked him dead in the face and told him do not use this money for anything else other than gas for the truck. He takes that, and puts it towards some hand plaster thing for Kiki to make handprints. I vent about it to his mom, his mom freaks out thinking he needs more gas money, he yells at her that he has $150 in his pocket, he doesn't need money from her. This was yesterday. Today, SO takes the car. I need the car because I have to go to work. So I have the truck sitting outside right now. No car seat, no gas. He doesn't get off work until 1:30PM. I'm suppose to be at work at 1:15PM. The truck is so empty I don't think it'll make it to a gas station...



I'm frustrated. I'm annoyed. To SO I'm "money hungry", when all I want to do is make sure we're okay. I'm a saver. He's a spender. We've use to make this work before, and SO knows it's better to just give his money to me, but he doesn't. I don't want to be broke and stressed out all the time. He's not smart about this at all and it's pushing me over the edge. What the hell do you do when you have a problem like this? I always make sure he has what he needs to make it to work when I get paid...he just can't do the same for me though. :?

nothingness Arizona 3578 posts
23rd Dec '12

Let him see the consequences of not handling his money right. He has to learn and can't be irresponsible and taken care of by you or mommy. He's a grown man and if he doesn't need the help at all he should take care of you!!

Tavi 1 child; Washington 24382 posts
23rd Dec '12
Quoting Rydicule91:" Let him see the consequences of not handling his money right. He has to learn and can't be irresponsible ... [snip!] ... and taken care of by you or mommy. He's a grown man and if he doesn't need the help at all he should take care of you!!"


See, I thought this would work...but his mom will never tell him "no". Then when I do, I'm the bad guy. And for me to completely follow through with it, I'd have to walk to work, and that sucks for me still. My brain just hurts cause I'm constantly trying to figure out over and over how to fix what he's fucked up.

Punk Rock Princess {EBFT} 3 kids; Killeen, Texas 26868 posts
23rd Dec '12

Before DH and I got married we sat down and decided that our income was going into one account and belonged to both of us. Debt as well. I'm better with money, dh doesn't want to even think about finances, so I am in charge of the budget. We each get $40 a paycheck as free spend money, the rest goes to bills, food, gas, savings, etc. It has worked out for us for the.most part.

Tavi 1 child; Washington 24382 posts
23rd Dec '12
Quoting Punk Rock Princess {EBFT}:" Before DH and I got married we sat down and decided that our income was going into one account and belonged ... [snip!] ... a paycheck as free spend money, the rest goes to bills, food, gas, savings, etc. It has worked out for us for the.most part."


See, I'm too scared to have a bank account with SO. I trust him with everything but money. Before I started working, he'd take care of everything fine. Once I started working he just got stupid with it and it effects me. He literally just got new tupperware and silverware, turned around and went "Oops, I have no money for gas" after buying some vodka the night before. Now, what would you do if your SO went from where he's at now, to spending everything in the account everything in his pocket, and all the money you've made on unneccesary (sp)? stuff while you had to be the one to figure it out over and over again with the stress of how you're going to manage?

Supafly★ 2 kids; Poland 14109 posts
23rd Dec '12

My DH also sucks with money. I didn't give a shit when I was working because I had control over my own money. Now I'm a SAHM so....it sucks.

Tavi 1 child; Washington 24382 posts
23rd Dec '12
Quoting Supafly★:" My DH also sucks with money. I didn't give a shit when I was working because I had control over my own money. Now I'm a SAHM so....it sucks. "


Yea, and see that's what I just got out of (being a SAHM mom). SO was good with that, because I guess he had no choice but to be good about his money...now that I'm working, he just went stupid with it.

nothingness Arizona 3578 posts
23rd Dec '12

<blockquote><b>Quoting Tavi:</b>" See, I thought this would work...but his mom will never tell him "no". Then when I do, I'm the bad guy. ... [snip!] ... for me still. My brain just hurts cause I'm constantly trying to figure out over and over how to fix what he's fucked up. "</blockquote>




Mmmm ya I would sit down with him and figure out what you both want to do to with the money. There's a common ground somewhere

Supafly★ 2 kids; Poland 14109 posts
23rd Dec '12
Quoting Tavi:" Yea, and see that's what I just got out of (being a SAHM mom). SO was good with that, because I guess ... [snip!] ... that, because I guess he had no choice but to be good about his money...now that I'm working, he just went stupid with it. "


I guess since the threat of not being able to provide is taken away, he's taking advantage. DH has always been awful with money even with no food in the fridge or gas in the car.

Jane.Doe. Fukushima, Japan 2805 posts
23rd Dec '12

I wouldn't let him have access to the money at ALL. I would make up a budget that would allow him a certain amount of "fun money" and then his gas money would have to go on a card from the gas station since he's a f**king toddler and can't manage that on his own. Don't ever let him touch your car keys, if he screws up and is out of gas in his truck, that is his problem.

Tavi 1 child; Washington 24382 posts
23rd Dec '12
Quoting Rydicule91:" <blockquote><b>Quoting Tavi:</b>" See, I thought this would work...but his mom will ... [snip!] ... Mmmm ya I would sit down with him and figure out what you both want to do to with the money. There's a common ground somewhere"


Yea, I wished that worked....I don't know what's wrong with him, but I'm starting to think something is wrong with his brain. He just can't think.

Tavi 1 child; Washington 24382 posts
23rd Dec '12
Quoting Unique Mama:" I wouldn't let him have access to the money at ALL. I would make up a budget that would allow him a certain ... [snip!] ... that on his own. Don't ever let him touch your car keys, if he screws up and is out of gas in his truck, that is his problem."


Yea, see this is where I'm at right now. I think I'm just going to put gas in the car. Maybe like 2 bucks everyday I work, so he can't use my gas money and has to figure out how to get to work himself....The problem with the cars though, is they're both his. They're in his name...so I just got to put enough gas in the car everyday for me only. He's on his own just like I am. I have to walk LO to MIL's house since I have no car seat...then I have to walk about 6 miles to work 8 hours....maybe I'll get lucky and he'll pick me up, if not, I might just walk, or ride with someone else.

Punk Rock Princess {EBFT} 3 kids; Killeen, Texas 26868 posts
23rd Dec '12

<blockquote><b>Quoting Tavi:</b>" See, I'm too scared to have a bank account with SO. I trust him with everything but money. Before I ... [snip!] ... (sp)? stuff while you had to be the one to figure it out over and over again with the stress of how you're going to manage? "</blockquote>




Have you sat down and talked about it?

Tavi 1 child; Washington 24382 posts
23rd Dec '12
Quoting Punk Rock Princess {EBFT}:" <blockquote><b>Quoting Tavi:</b>" See, I'm too scared to have a bank account with ... [snip!] ... and over again with the stress of how you're going to manage? "</blockquote> Have you sat down and talked about it?"


Yes. Many times. He agrees to it all the time. Following through though? Never.

Kay Peezy Due October 29; 2 kids; Maryland 1994 posts
status 23rd Dec '12
Quoting Tavi:" So I'm one of those people who plan out everything. I like to make sure everything is covered before ... [snip!] ... this? I always make sure he has what he needs to make it to work when I get paid...he just can't do the same for me though. :?"

My husband wasn't good with money either. Once we got married, we agreed that I would handle the money and finances. His paycheck gets direct deposited into our joint account and I pay all the bills. I've shown him how frugal living pays off and within 6 months we had enough money saved to buy a house. It was a process though and I had to be patient and show him how to do it. I would sit down and have a serious talk with your SO if you can and make a budget.