Xmas issues :/ need opinions. Kind of long. Jazzie Love 17 kids; Brentwood, California 71 posts
23rd Dec '12

To sum it all up when my son was born his dad decided not to sign the birth certificate. He's probably seen him maybe 20 times since he was born, and he is five an a half months old now. He's bought diapers once since the baby shower. I've invited him and his family to come visit, but Bein that I live in a tiny studio that's a mess lately since I can't keep up with cleaning lol, I said we should go to the park or go out and do something. They've chosen not to come every time but once, sayin that I'm "treating them like strangers by saying we have to go to a cold park." Smh. It wasn't cold when I asked them out. Anywho, I've met his family once, him mom caused alllllll sorts of drama for my son so I don't go out to visit them, plus my car is no longer working and it's 3 cities away. And after all this his dad assumes I'm bringing him to their house Xmas day. I had previously invited him over for Xmas eve because Xmas day I'm going out of town so my family (who are flying in from all over) can meet my son. Now last minute, his dad claims he said that he accepted the invite for Xmas eve, even though he didn't so we have to change everything to include another person, and I have no way to get to his mom house for Xmas other than them picking me up at 8. That wouldn't be an issue if that didn't ruin all my Xmas traditions for Xmas morning and I trusted other people to drive my son somewhere. So he's prob gonna make a big deal over all this, but when we found out I was pregnant I told him that I'm not changing any o my holiday traditions and that Roman (our son) will always be with me. But that he wa more than welcome to join in. If he was more involved if be more willing to change some stuff around, but he isn't. Is this all totally selfish of me? He always blames it all on me like I don't let him see him, but yet never takes advantage of the billion times I ask him to come out :/ idk if I'm handling this right or not. It's all just stressing me out and I'd like to enjoy my 1st Xmas with my son :(

Donna Jo Tanner 1 child; Beach Haven, New Jersey 6440 posts
23rd Dec '12

Well being on the side where we never see my nephew because she won't allow my brother to have him on holidays, I understand their side. He is his dad and you should understand that as much as you want your traditions with your son, so does his father and that side of his family. You shouldn't say "join in my traditions or tough luck."
But as far as the last minute thing, he shouldn't have done that and this time I would make them do all the work if they want to see him. Explain why and say that next Christmas you will make sure that plans in your side and his side will be concrete. If he chooses to not make andiginitive date to see his son then he won't get to. You are being reasonable. It's about your son more than you or his dad. I'm sure you know that but remind your bd that, your son having a good family Christmas is what's important.

little farters mama 1 child; Ontario 177 posts
23rd Dec '12

he didn't sign the birth certificate and he hasn't really been a part of your sons life let alone do anything for your son..personally i think you are being way too nice to someone who is a dick to his own child. i really feel for you...i went through sort of the same thing when i first had my son

Bettinas 2 kids; Australia 2204 posts
23rd Dec '12

It does sound a little impersonal to invite people to a park for Christmas.... That's just my opinion :?

We have 3 separate families to celebrate Christmas with and we still manage to have an enjoyable time. Christmas Eve we do dinner at MIL's house, Christmas morning we do breakfast with FIL's family and then Christmas lunch or dinner is with my family. It's worked for 4 years so far.... You need to accept that with a child involved, you need to make allowances for his father and his family because it's not fair that you claim him for every holiday season ever. Put your differences aside because things like this scar children. My SO is glad that his family has sorted out their Christmas schedule because before it was a day of his parents fighting over who got to have him and SIL to open presents first, who got to cook what, where they would be sleeping. It's just not fair on your son.

Donna Jo Tanner 1 child; Beach Haven, New Jersey 6440 posts
23rd Dec '12

<blockquote><b>Quoting Bettinas:</b>" It does sound a little impersonal to invite people to a park for Christmas.... That's just my opinion ... [snip!] ... to have him and SIL to open presents first, who got to cook what, where they would be sleeping. It's just not fair on your son."</blockquote>

:!: 100%
And good for you making it all work out. The holiday time should be about family over anything else.

Third Time Mommy 19 kids; Michigan 406 posts
23rd Dec '12

I say, you do what you want/need/is convenient for you on Christmas Eve and/or Christmas.
You shouldn't have to change all your plans to accommodate anyone else especially if it's going to cause you stress. Do what you need to to make sure you and your son have a good day, and then when you're finished doing what you already have planned then you can make time for BD and his family, whether it's on Christmas or whenever.
He shouldn't and can't expect you to change up everything for them for the holiday when he/they're barely involved in your son's day-to-day life.
So do what works for you and have a good day with your son and your family. It doesn't make you selfish.

Jazzie Love 17 kids; Brentwood, California 71 posts
26th Dec '12

Thanks everyone, his da ended up coming over Xmas eve but showed up 3 and a half hours after he said he'd come, and then said he got called into work on his way over but yet couldn't text or call to tell me smh. But it was ok over all. And to those of you that thought I invited to him to a park on Christmas, the park wasn't for Christmas lol. It was during fall just toget him to come visit and hang out with him. Hope you all had a wonderful Christmas!