I was dating someone, fell madly hard for them...but he's so comitment phobic and we broke up. We still talk all day every day, he's literally my best friend...but I cant get over him. Im so in love with him its killing me, Im always getting jealous if I so much as see a girl post on his fb wall (I dont say anything but still) its so unlike me...and its got me really down. I cant seem to get him out from under my skin...should I stop talking to him or what do I do? I feel like Im wasting my time...but I really do love him.
I don't think that you should walk away from your friend for good, but I think a little time to straighten out your own thoughts is definitely necessary. What you're doing is like going on a diet but cooking bacon that you cant eat every morning, kwim? Bad analogy, I know. Anyways, after you've had some time and you feel like you can open yourself up to other possibilities that's when I would start bringing him back into my life as an actual friend not a man that I am torturing myself with desire for.
Who knows. Men are dicks.
You're making it extremely easy for him to avoid commitment, not to say you can force it but there's no reason to make yourself feel gutted all the time when he's seemingly aware of how devoted you are to him and he knows you'll always be there while he does whatever with whoever.
I'd say back off, don't talk to him as much and do things for yourself. Have fun, even if it's not with any other guys and it's just something you enjoy.
<blockquote><b>Quoting Your friendly n00berhood :</b>" I don't think that you should walk away from your friend for good, but I think a little time to straighten ... [snip!] ... when I would start bringing him back into my life as an actual friend not a man that I am torturing myself with desire for."</blockquote>
Haha that's actually an awesome analogy. I might have to steal that lol. But I agree 100% with what you said. Take a breather, and try to move on. Torturing yourself like that is horrible, I would know to.
I would say to just cut off all ties and take a step back, but it isn't that easy. You have to be emotionally ready to walk away. I went back and forth being friends with my ex for seven years. I'd say that I was done and a week or two later, it was back to the same thing. I loved him and we could talk about anything. He never wanted to get married because he had been hurt before. I figured if I hung around as a friend he would change his mind. I wanted to let him go and move on, but I couldn't. Kept saying I would, but never did.
Then one day, he was really upset about something and I called to calm him down. He tells me that he realizes that he is in love his ex,and that he wanted to try and make things work with her. That she was the only person he could see himself spending his life with. I was hurt, but I gave him the best advice that I could as his friend and I made the decision that I was finally ready to let go. And I did. I haven't talked to him since that day.
I wasn't as hurt as I thought I would be. I'm actually very happy for him. Some relationships don't work for a reason. Chances are that if he didn't want to commit to you then, he probably isn't going to want to later either. Don't waste your life like I did.
Find a rebound?
You all are right...i just dont know how to go about doing it. He's literally all I think about.
Quoting Onalee's Mummy:" Find a rebound?"
cant rebound...just had a baby lol (not his)
Quoting Onalee's Mummy:" Find a rebound?"
No not this.
Give yourself time. Dont rebound because you want to be with someone, give yourself time to heal from it and then when you are ready then get back out inthe field.
Start slow just by not talking to him so often and get new guy or girl friends and sooner or later you will see yourself getting over him just by doing stuff with other people and talking to others.
i was in the exact same situation about a year and a half ago. his daughter's mom screwed him over so bad, that he was scared to get close to anyone. i tried everything i could to get over him...nothing worked! i tried cutting off all communication with him, for like a month, and all i did was think about him. he was the one that called me after about a month, and as soon as i saw him name on my phone all the emotions flooded back to the top. he would come in my work to see me here and there (im a waitress) and i would be in the bathroom crying everytime he would hug me and leave. it was really hard, but i was just so in love with him. not, a year and a half later...we moved in together about 4 months ago and have never been happier! we are both so in love <3 he just needed time to see that i was nothing like his ex...and that i was always there for him.
Quoting tabuh2004:" i was in the exact same situation about a year and a half ago. his daughter's mom screwed him over so ... [snip!] ... we are both so in love <3 he just needed time to see that i was nothing like his ex...and that i was always there for him."
That sounds like him. I feel like at this point I have tried everything...but we're just so damn good together. Maybe if I cut him off he'll realize it...idk. He's already said he's scared that Im going to stop talking to him.