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What would you do?? ♥ ORIGINAL TTC since Feb 2014; 4 kids; North Carolina 397 posts
26th Dec '12

I dont know where to post this so i figured here would be ok.



A really good friend of mines husband just left in early December for a 9 month deployment. Him and my husband are really good friends as they were in the same unit a few years ago, so naturally me and her have become really close too. Well, up until recently, from the outside looking in, they have seemed to have a good marriage. But a few days ago my friend finally broke down and told me that she and her husband have been fighting for months, and she thnk she is heading for divorce. And pretty much told me she met a guy and has been talking to him steadily for about 3 months, and things are getting pretty serious. Basically shes planning on sleeping with the guy (if she hasnt already), and says "her marriage is ending anyway, so its not really cheating." I know its not my business to say anything to her husband,and I dont think i will. But i consider him a friend as well, and dont want to be a "co-conspiritor" (sp?) if/when he finds out. I haven't even told my husband as i dont want to get in the middle of it. What should I do? Any advice would be helpful.

He Who Must Not Be Named 2 kids; Whiskey Dick Mountain, WA, United States 59277 posts
26th Dec '12

I definitely think it's not your place to tell her husband... and you can't really be a co-conspirator unless you're like... paying for their hotel room or something.



If he gets pissed at you for not telling him, just keep in mind that the's angry or upset and looking for an outlet.

Nancy Botwin. 2 kids; 1 angel baby; Hooker, 11285 posts
26th Dec '12

If her marriage is ending, it means it hasn't ended, it's still cheating.
It would depend how close I was with her husband and if I considered him a better friend than her. If it was happening to me, I'd want to know.
I generally don't get involved with stuff like this though, it always comes back to bite you on the ass!

S♡J=Malachi Due January 8 (boy); 3 angel babies; Florida 3278 posts
26th Dec '12

Stay out of it & when she tries to talk to you about her marriage change the subject.

Amber ♡ Due August 13 (boy); 1 child; Kansas 18682 posts
26th Dec '12

Wow, that's really wrong of her to do, but I would keep my mouth shut if I were you. I wouldn't pull myself into that dramatic mess.

Buffy♥ 2 kids; Japan 3741 posts
26th Dec '12

I wouldn't say anything. Not your place. It will come back to bite her in the ass. If anything, tell your husband and see what he does but prepare to lose your friend.

homes cool 2 kids; 2 angel babies; Indiana 60938 posts
26th Dec '12

I'd want nothing to do with that, at all.

Sarah ♥ K&K 2 kids; 2 angel babies; Golden Coast, CA, United States 116799 posts
26th Dec '12

i wouldnt get involved in their relationship by telling him. But I would have a hard time keeping it from my own husband. Also, if the shit hits the fan I wouldnt want my husband to think I was ok with her behavior and he might get that impression if he knows you knew about it all.

He Who Must Not Be Named 2 kids; Whiskey Dick Mountain, WA, United States 59277 posts
26th Dec '12
Quoting ♡Sarah♡ + 2:" i wouldnt get involved in their relationship by telling him. But I would have a hard time keeping it ... [snip!] ... wouldnt want my husband to think I was ok with her behavior and he might get that impression if he knows you knew about it all."


I do agree with that. I would tell my own husband.

homes cool 2 kids; 2 angel babies; Indiana 60938 posts
26th Dec '12
Quoting ♡Sarah♡ + 2:" i wouldnt get involved in their relationship by telling him. But I would have a hard time keeping it ... [snip!] ... wouldnt want my husband to think I was ok with her behavior and he might get that impression if he knows you knew about it all."


I'll be real honest...my husband would know. I'm not keeping something like that from him, not a chance.

user banned 1 child; Boston, Massachusetts 30985 posts
26th Dec '12

its not your place



your husband doesnt need to know and be worrying about that bullshit, nor does her husband. they can hash things out when they're home.



it is what it is.

♥ ORIGINAL TTC since Feb 2014; 4 kids; North Carolina 397 posts
26th Dec '12
Quoting the grace life:" I'd want nothing to do with that, at all. "


I really dont want that drama in my life...hence i havent said anything to anybody. Im just wondering if i should tell my husband......she really put me in a sticky predicament.

He Who Must Not Be Named 2 kids; Whiskey Dick Mountain, WA, United States 59277 posts
26th Dec '12
Quoting ♥ ORIGINAL:" I really dont want that drama in my life...hence i havent said anything to anybody. Im just wondering if i should tell my husband......she really put me in a sticky predicament."


I think if she brings it up to you again, you should be honest about that. Tell her this puts you in a strange position because they are both your friends.

♥ ORIGINAL TTC since Feb 2014; 4 kids; North Carolina 397 posts
26th Dec '12
Quoting The Doctor:" I definitely think it's not your place to tell her husband... and you can't really be a co-conspirator ... [snip!] ... If he gets pissed at you for not telling him, just keep in mind that the's angry or upset and looking for an outlet."


Yeah i didnt think i was gonna tell him. But its just so...wrong. I feel kinda shitty knowing and just standing around with this info

ExpectoPatromum Due December 5 (girl); TTC since Oct 2013; 1 child; 1 angel baby; Cardiff, X, United Kingdom 3434 posts
26th Dec '12

I wouldn't say anything to her husband but I would try to convince her to wait until they are officially divorced to do anything with the other guy. If it's attention she is lacking from her husband and seeking it from this other guy then there is the potential to save her marriage through counseling and sort out her marital issues before she cheats.

You can always bounce back from counseling but as soon as someone cheats the trust is forever broken, IMO.

If she doesn't want counseling at all then SHE should go ahead and file for the divorce.

Its better to go about things the right way then to be branded with the mark of being a cheater.