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Is it selfish? (D&D) .Solange. 1 child; Montreal, 5566 posts
26th Dec '12

Is it selfish of me to want to parent another child while being a single mother?



I think it is to some extent, because i'm fulfilling something that I want, to add to our little family. I have a two year old son, who will be three in April. We have such a close bond and he's been thriving greatly ever since he started seeing an Orthophonist for his language skills. I'm very proud of him and lately, well for a long time, i've been really wanting to add to our duo. I am financially stable, I am pretty sure that i'm emotionally and physically stable enough to add a new addition. (I can never say 100% since I was born with health issues), and I feel like i'm at the age where I want to add a new family member since ideally i'd love at least four children.



Relationship wise, I haven't had any luck, nor had I been really looking for love. I've been single for a year but it's been traumatic and I don't see myself wanting to be in a relationship anytime soon. My happiness is my son. I've thought about an animal, but I don't have a yard and my son is still very rough whenever he sees my dad's cat, so it's also a safety scare for me. So i've been thinking about fostering a child or adopting a child, as a single mother.



Do you think i'm being selfish and irrational?
Be honest, I want honest answers! TIA :)

The Pretty Poodle™ 1 child; Illinois 7341 posts
26th Dec '12

Yes I think its selfish...being a single mother is much different than making the conscious decision to parent a child alone.

speaktruth2powr 2 kids; Ontario 45013 posts
26th Dec '12

Yes, I think it is selfish.



I was the eldest of three, raised by a single mother.



I ended up being the second parent in the household. It sucked.

.Solange. 1 child; Montreal, 5566 posts
26th Dec '12
Quoting Big Booty Heaux
Dr. Elliot Reid 1 child; New Zealand 8808 posts
26th Dec '12

As long as it doesn't take anything away from your son, and you can give a new child just as much love and attention, then it's not selfish IMO

The Bear and The Bird 2 kids; Vantaa, Finland 42577 posts
26th Dec '12

I think it would be a very stupid and impulsive thing for you to do, just from reading some of your past threads. I don't think you're as ready as you think you are. Obviously no one knows the whole thing accept you, but you're still young and you've only been out of a very abusive relationship for what, a year? That's much to soon to be stable enough to add another kid with no support.



Imo ttc as a single mom is cool, but you should have job security and at least an entire year's salary in savings fist, and ideally own your own house and car too. I didn't ttc this kid but I lost my job because I got pregnant, and I'm going to have to quit my new one in a month or two because I'm not going to physically be able to do it much longer. I don't have savings to fall back on until I either get a work at home job or can go back to work after the baby is born.

*~*Riley & Parkers Mama*~ Due January 18; 2 kids; Spring, Texas 10806 posts
26th Dec '12

No, I don't think it's selfish. You are financially stable and maybe a new addition will help your son?

.Solange. 1 child; Montreal, 5566 posts
26th Dec '12
Quoting speaktruth2powr:" Yes, I think it is selfish. I was the eldest of three, raised by a single mother. I ended up being the second parent in the household. It sucked."


I'm sorry :(



Growing up, did you have any issues or resentment towards the fact that you were raised by a single parent?
Did you feel like you missed out?

The Pretty Poodle™ 1 child; Illinois 7341 posts
26th Dec '12
Quoting .Solange.:" Yes that's very true. Sure thing is, the last thing I want to do is bring another child into our home ... [snip!] ... who is in the foster care system or other, and bring love, stability and our own little family. I see what you're saying though"

Your intentions are good, its just not fair to the child.

Tig Ol' Bitties 2 kids; St Catharines, Ontario 2707 posts
26th Dec '12

No way is it selfish.



In one way or another, no one is perfectly ready to have kids but if the major bases are covered, I'd go for it!

khigh 1 child; Fort Sill, Oklahoma 8101 posts
26th Dec '12

I didn't think they allowed singles to foster or adopt out of the system.

The Pretty Poodle™ 1 child; Illinois 7341 posts
26th Dec '12
Quoting That-Girl:" No way is it selfish. In one way or another, no one is perfectly ready to have kids but if the major bases are covered, I'd go for it!"

Dont you think being in a stable relationship is one of those major bases?

user banned California 36390 posts
26th Dec '12

IMO, no. One parent is better.than.none.

The Bear and The Bird 2 kids; Vantaa, Finland 42577 posts
26th Dec '12

And I skimmed past you wanting to foster or adopt... honestly it's almost impossible for a single mother to be approved for either unless you're independently wealthy. Especially with fostering, because it's so much extra effort and they do not want you to have a job that would be put in jeopardy if you have to take time off work and you have no one to split the burden with.

.Solange. 1 child; Montreal, 5566 posts
26th Dec '12
Quoting Viv, Ev & Gwen ♥:" I think it would be a very stupid and impulsive thing for you to do, just from reading some of your past ... [snip!] ... I don't have savings to fall back on until I either get a work at home job or can go back to work after the baby is born."


Those are some very valid points that i didn't think of.
Thank you for your honesty.