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i don't want to be with my husband anymore. BG Secrets Arizona 4906 posts
28th Dec '12

And i dont know how to tell him. I'm not happy anymore. I dont feel the same way about him like i used to. I love him but i'm not IN love with him (if that makes sense). And i know i feel this way because of how he has treated me & things he's done. I could give you a long list of reasons i should leave him. But I just cant seem to make myself do it though. And times that i have made him leave i start missing him & want him to come back. He's told me please dont leave me & said he wouldnt want to ever live without me but yet he treats me horribly about 80% of the time. I dont want our kids to grow up with their parents divorced (cause i did & it sucked) but i also dont want them to grow up & watch their parents fighting all the time. I know i'm stupid for staying married to him. He has slowly got worse over the years. He says he's misresrable & sometimes talks about killing his self so i worry that he may do something stupid if i do leave him. He needs help.
We got married young & we've never really had a good relationship. I just want my life back & to be happy again. He just keeps me stressed out all the time. My head is telling me one thing but my heart is telling me another. I'm done giving him chances to change because he isnt going to. What is a gentle way to tell my husband that i dont want to be with him anymore?

S U Z I E 3 kids; Venezuela 18556 posts
28th Dec '12

Our marriage doesn't make me happy anymore, or you don't make me happy anymore or being married to you doesn't make me happy anymore..

† Phoenix † 1 angel baby; 16167 posts
28th Dec '12

I don't think there really is a easy way to get through something like this so i understand how it would be hard. I would just sit him down and tell him be straight forward with him because just staying in the relationship is hurting not only you, but him too. Sometimes, it is better for parents to parent separately as crazy as it sounds. Also i would try my best to get him help if you can.



Oh also if you guys haven't tried and maybe before you let him know that you don't want to be with him, try counseling.

Raωkeℓ 1 child; Costa Rica 8257 posts
28th Dec '12

You say that you want to stay together because you have a family, and you grew up without that. But, I come from the other side. I come from parents that should have divorced, but instead stayed together for the kids. I don't ever want any children to go through what us three siblings did during that 21 year dysfunctional marriage.



It's obviously going to be hard. You guys have been together, had children, it's not something you can just let go. Missing him is going to happen, but you need to stay strong and understand the reasoning behind you two ending the marriage/relationship.




ETA: I stopped reading after 3/4s of it and missed your last question. There really is no gentle way other than sitting with him and being mature about the conversation. Telling him how you feel is going to hurt both of you, but like I said earlier, the best thing to do is stay strong- show him you are serious.

jo-jo 2 kids; ..., SA, Australia 2293 posts
28th Dec '12

what everyone has posted above is sound advise. I agree with all the sugestions, be honest, sensitive to his feelings but stay strong. If you know that this is how you really feel and what you really want, don't feel guilted into staying in a one sided relationship if the love is not there anymore.
Good luck.

BG Secrets Arizona 4906 posts
28th Dec '12

I've tried to tell him how i feel before but he just gets really mad & says well just divorce me then. And then later he'll say that he loves me & dont ever want us to get divorced. He confuses me so bad. I feel like he doesnt take me serious. Sometimes i dont think it would bother him if we got divorced. I'm tired of being the only one that is making the effort in this relationship.

† Phoenix † 1 angel baby; 16167 posts
28th Dec '12
Quoting BG Secrets:" I've tried to tell him how i feel before but he just gets really mad & says well just divorce me ... [snip!] ... think it would bother him if we got divorced. I'm tired of being the only one that is making the effort in this relationship."


He sounds like he may be bi-polar. He may not want to get a divorce and just say things at the moment like most of us have done before in the moment, but if you aren't happy and he isn't happy then your children aren't going to grow up happy. I know it is hard, but you have to think of the health and welfare of your children. If you have to tell him you want a divorce and then send him divorce papers or whatever you call them so he knows your serious. I don't think you exactly confused, i think you feel stuck you want to make it work to be a family, but you don't have feelings to make it work. Sometimes 2 people are better apart then together.

BG Secrets Arizona 4906 posts
28th Dec '12
Quoting |♥| Jayme |♥|:" He sounds like he may be bi-polar. He may not want to get a divorce and just say things at the moment ... [snip!] ... to make it work to be a family, but you don't have feelings to make it work. Sometimes 2 people are better apart then together."


I really think he is bi polar. I've tried to get him to see a dr & gets on meds for it but he wont. I really think our relationship would be better if he got treatment for it.

† Phoenix † 1 angel baby; 16167 posts
28th Dec '12
Quoting BG Secrets:" I really think he is bi polar. I've tried to get him to see a dr & gets on meds for it but he wont. I really think our relationship would be better if he got treatment for it."


Sometimes you can't help someone that doesn't want help. Have you tried counseling with him and maybe have them bring it up to him? because sometimes it is easier hearing it from someone else then it is to hear it from someone you love or your family.

BG Secrets Arizona 4906 posts
28th Dec '12
Quoting |♥| Jayme |♥|:" Sometimes you can't help someone that doesn't want help. Have you tried counseling with him and maybe ... [snip!] ... him? because sometimes it is easier hearing it from someone else then it is to hear it from someone you love or your family. "


No we havent tried counseling, i would be open to trying it though if he would.
He also really needs to go to some kind of rehab for a while. He has been hooked on pain pills for a while now. He says he's trying to quit them but i dont think he is putting as much effort into it as he could be.

† Phoenix † 1 angel baby; 16167 posts
28th Dec '12
Quoting BG Secrets:" No we havent tried counseling, i would be open to trying it though if he would. He also really needs ... [snip!] ... pills for a while now. He says he's trying to quit them but i dont think he is putting as much effort into it as he could be."


Well maybe see if that will happen and then go from there.
Maybe in counseling you can find out what got to him being hooked on pain killer and maybe that may help him quit. If he is addicted to pain killers that may also be the root to his mood swings.

BG Secrets Arizona 4906 posts
28th Dec '12

Thanks ladies for the advice. You've all been helpful.

Kelly+Brandon=Blake 1 child; Maryland 1260 posts
28th Dec '12

I just read this whole thread and I agree with all the advice. I wish you luck! Keep posted on how things go from here. :)

† Phoenix † 1 angel baby; 16167 posts
28th Dec '12
Quoting BG Secrets:" Thanks ladies for the advice. You've all been helpful."


your welcome!