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Dean Winchester 2 kids; 1 angel baby; Alaska 16777 posts
29th Dec '12

sendddddd ittttttt

user banned TTC since Apr 2014; 2 kids; Middelfart, Denmark 15320 posts
29th Dec '12

Eh, in the same breath as sticking it to the douche, we are constantly hoping in life, that the shitty people we encounter will grow up and become better people....and we can't expect them to get better and fix what we think made them douche bags, if we don't allow them to do it.



Your son is still young, and IF your baby daddy is sincere about changing and wanting to be a father, now is the perfect time. Because when he gets older, he WILL notice that his father isn't around, and you'll have to explain that his father wanted to enter his life at 4.5 but that you chose for him not to.



I would file for custody but allow supervised visits once or twice a week for a couple of hours with a representative from the county. That way, you know your son isn't in any danger while he's with his father, and you're giving him the opportunity to be in his life and work up yours and his trust.



Hopefully he changes and takes to being a father, and if he doesn't....you did everything you can to ensure that your son had his father in his life.

user banned 1 child; Jamaica, OH, United States 7126 posts
29th Dec '12

I would send it, but it's absence* not absents. Not that it's really important, just something that's easily overlooked, especially when you're upset or aggravated.

1inpink2inblue Switzerland 11961 posts
29th Dec '12
Quoting H&Cai:" SEE! Ugh, I DON'T KNOW."


See here is they thing though he sent you a copy right? So you ignore it you end up in court and he say you have just been ignoring his requests to see his son and shows where he sent the letter. kwim?

Dovahkiin 1 child; 1 angel baby; Kentucky 16776 posts
29th Dec '12

Honestly, I don't know if I'd send it. I might just... ignore hit.

Vivialopod 2 kids; Vantaa, Finland 42775 posts
29th Dec '12
Quoting 1inpink2inblue:" See here is they thing though he sent you a copy right? So you ignore it you end up in court and he ... [snip!] ... end up in court and he say you have just been ignoring his requests to see his son and shows where he sent the letter. kwim?"


This is true.



If you're worried about being too provoking, op, I would reply but merely invite him to file for a dna test through the courts.

user banned TTC since Apr 2014; 2 kids; Middelfart, Denmark 15320 posts
29th Dec '12
Quoting Viv, Ev & Gwen ♥:" This is true. If you're worried about being too provoking, op, I would reply but merely invite him to file for a dna test through the courts."


He's right, that will take forever. If he wants to be involved, pay child support, have supervised visits with his son, etc. And they are already going through the courts, having a DNA test done on their own will take a LOT less time. You can get them at the drug store and mail them out and get a quick response, whereas if it's done through the county, they're generally backed up for months, which will slow down HER end as well as his.

KNZ. 3 kids; Washington 59253 posts
29th Dec '12
Quoting 1inpink2inblue:" See here is they thing though he sent you a copy right? So you ignore it you end up in court and he ... [snip!] ... end up in court and he say you have just been ignoring his requests to see his son and shows where he sent the letter. kwim?"


not breaking a law though,
when dude and i were going through custody stuff he'd always try to say i was withholding our daughter/ignoring his requests for more time, and all they cared about is what was legally documented through the court.



this is a dude who's been outta their lives for years, she's stated he's dangerous, you'd think they'd understand her apprehension to be in any contact with him.



sending the letter he'll either get upset or not but view it as her saying no to his requests.

Vivialopod 2 kids; Vantaa, Finland 42775 posts
29th Dec '12
Quoting Red Bottom:" He's right, that will take forever. If he wants to be involved, pay child support, have supervised ... [snip!] ... whereas if it's done through the county, they're generally backed up for months, which will slow down HER end as well as his. "

I personally wouldn't care. 4 years is too damn long to change your mind. If you can't get a kid you gave up for adoption back after that much time, you have no business popping back up in your kid's mom's life. I would WANT to stall it.

1inpink2inblue Switzerland 11961 posts
29th Dec '12

m about to go to bed but imho op I would send it. This lets him know where you stand on the subject. If he REALLY wants to be a part of his kid;s life this late in the game then his ass can go to court and fight for it. And I would fight back all the way. GL

Bailey&Ashlin's Mum 2 kids; New Zealand 882 posts
29th Dec '12

Send it! :D

user banned TTC since Apr 2014; 2 kids; Middelfart, Denmark 15320 posts
29th Dec '12
Quoting Viv, Ev & Gwen ♥:" I personally wouldn't care. 4 years is too damn long to change your mind. If you can't get a kid you ... [snip!] ... adoption back after that much time, you have no business popping back up in your kid's mom's life. I would WANT to stall it."


He said he got a summons from HER, which means she's trying to get something done. Getting her own DNA test done NOT through the courts will help her get whatever it is that she wants, faster. I'm sure that's something she cares about.

Vivialopod 2 kids; Vantaa, Finland 42775 posts
29th Dec '12
Quoting Red Bottom:" He said he got a summons from HER, which means she's trying to get something done. Getting her own DNA ... [snip!] ... done NOT through the courts will help her get whatever it is that she wants, faster. I'm sure that's something she cares about."

No, he got the summons through the state because she receives benefits for the child.



A personal DNA test is also not admissible in court here.

KNZ. 3 kids; Washington 59253 posts
29th Dec '12
Quoting Red Bottom:" He said he got a summons from HER, which means she's trying to get something done. Getting her own DNA ... [snip!] ... done NOT through the courts will help her get whatever it is that she wants, faster. I'm sure that's something she cares about."


She said the state was suing him...

Dean Winchester 2 kids; 1 angel baby; Alaska 16777 posts
29th Dec '12
Quoting Red Bottom:" He's right, that will take forever. If he wants to be involved, pay child support, have supervised ... [snip!] ... whereas if it's done through the county, they're generally backed up for months, which will slow down HER end as well as his. "

i did a test through the courts and on my own and the court test was about a month and on my own was about 3 weeks.. not a huge difference... and the court will pay for it.. the one of you own you pay for it