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How are you supposed to PROVE rape in court?? Ozknativmama 17 kids; Fayetteville, Arkansas 2661 posts
29th Dec '12

I'm NEEDING to get away from my husband.
My only options are to either go to a women's shelter or to an intentional community, which the later option is my preference.
But I don't want him to claim I kidnapped our daughter, since I have not yet filed for divorce or won full custody.
( ABSOLUTELY NO MONEY EVEN TO FILE FOR DIVORCE ...or food or gas. )
He forced me to do things to him that I did not want to, for two years. Starting when I was pregnant with his child. He no longer does it, I threw away all of the toys he made me use on him.
I have no physical proof.
Although they could look into the computer at his work and see the fucked up porn he looks at. That would be some evidence, but no proof.



How am I supposed to do this if I have no evidence of physical abuse?
*He has never actually physically abused me as in punching, pushing...etc.
He did slam my hand in a door, trying to stop me from leaving about two months ago. The bump on my finger (probably fractured) is still there.



Anyway, I have no way of PROVING that he raped me for two years.
How am I supposed to run away from this terrible situation if I can't just take her and go????
I have to get out of here.
HAVE TO.

Mama Lizzy :] 1 child; Texas 5575 posts
29th Dec '12

<blockquote><b>Quoting Ҿɲȶ:</b>" I'm NEEDING to get away from my husband. My only options are to either go to a women's shelter or to ... [snip!] ... am I supposed to run away from this terrible situation if I can't just take her and go???? I have to get out of here. HAVE TO."</blockquote>



I thought you were allowed to take your daughter anywhere until a custody is established?

Renegade♥ 2 kids; 2 angel babies; Indian Rocks Beach, FL, United States 5466 posts
29th Dec '12

they wil lbelieve you if you go to the shelter. you dont have to prove anything to them. it will help build your case that you went there. the fact you havent filed for divorce helps you really. its really far fetch that they would place any kind of kidnapping charges on you specially if you went to a womens shelter.

user banned 2 kids; Hamilton, Ontario 19220 posts
29th Dec '12

talk to someone at the shelter, or police station. If you talk to a cop talk to one who is in the domestic department. They will know the best way to help you and the best way to answer you.

As far as my domestic abuse case, we had 3 different cops come to my moms that night after I came home and told her everything that had happened to me in the last 4 years (I was 17). They all left and said 'She'll go back to him'. Everytime one left, my mom demanding another be sent. Finally the 4th cop listened. He had me (over time) write down everything I ever remembered to what and when things happened. He ended up charging my ex on 8 counts of assualt, 4 with a weapon.
The bastard got 90 days, only had to serve 1/ 3 as it was his first offense.
Was it worth it? Well, it gave me time away from him with the protection of a retraining order while I unwashed my brain. So yes.

As far as proving rape. It sucks. I have a friend (she 40) going through this right now. I went to her preliminary trial and the defense tore her up and made it out like she wanted his 'attention'. It has ripped her world apart and has been going on for over a year. But to her....its worth it, she said she wouldnt be able to live with herself if she didnt.

It all sucks mama. It all hard work. But you will get through it, and be a better person because of it.

I would never be affraid of being in trouble for taking my child out of a dangerous situation. Actually, I couldnt live with myself if I didint

LolaMcKitten Due May 30 (girl); 27 kids; Beverly Hills, California 15496 posts
29th Dec '12

If you have joint custody since you are not separated and have lived together, you can take your daughter and if he calls the cops, you tell them about the abuse and that you had to go to a shelter. They will protect the interest of the child, he will have to go to court, likely, to get visitation and with the accusations being brought against him, it would likely be supervised.



Good luck, I really hope things get better for you, no one deserves to be treated that way, let me know if you need anything or just want to talk, I'm here to listen.

Renegade♥ 2 kids; 2 angel babies; Indian Rocks Beach, FL, United States 5466 posts
29th Dec '12
Quoting Mama Lizzy :]:" <blockquote><b>Quoting Ҿɲȶ:</b>" I'm NEEDING to get away from my husband. ... [snip!] ... HAVE TO."</blockquote> I thought you were allowed to take your daughter anywhere until a custody is established?"



that is also true.

Moses. Due October 27; 3 kids; Texas 16003 posts
29th Dec '12
Quoting Mama Lizzy :]:" <blockquote><b>Quoting Ҿɲȶ:</b>" I'm NEEDING to get away from my husband. ... [snip!] ... HAVE TO."</blockquote> I thought you were allowed to take your daughter anywhere until a custody is established?"


Depends on the state, like here in Texas, she could leave, sure, then he could say i twas kidnapping, because in many states, ours included, until custody is established in court, both parents have equal claim. OP, you need to speak with someone that deals in domestic violence. You have to start speaking out sometime. I am so sorry hun :(

Ozknativmama 17 kids; Fayetteville, Arkansas 2661 posts
29th Dec '12
Quoting Mama Lizzy :]:" <blockquote><b>Quoting Ҿɲȶ:</b>" I'm NEEDING to get away from my husband. ... [snip!] ... HAVE TO."</blockquote> I thought you were allowed to take your daughter anywhere until a custody is established?"


I haven't heard about this, but you could be right.
I'll have to talk to a cop, I guess...or a lawyer.
I hate cops. -.-



I was specifically worried about the kidnapping thing if we ran to a commune.
I really don't want to go to a women's shelter.
But IDK, I guess I might HAVE to do that first before we go to a commune.

LolaMcKitten Due May 30 (girl); 27 kids; Beverly Hills, California 15496 posts
29th Dec '12
Quoting Ҿɲȶ:" I haven't heard about this, but you could be right. I'll have to talk to a cop, I guess...or a lawyer. ... [snip!] ... I really don't want to go to a women's shelter. But IDK, I guess I might HAVE to do that first before we go to a commune. "


It might look better on your part to have run to a place like a shelter, first. You can always leave, but getting it on record that you were at a womens shelter will likely work in your favor.

Ozknativmama 17 kids; Fayetteville, Arkansas 2661 posts
29th Dec '12
Quoting LolaMcKitten:" It might look better on your part to have run to a place like a shelter, first. You can always leave, but getting it on record that you were at a womens shelter will likely work in your favor. "


That is a very good point,
thanks ladies.



I still don't know how I'm going to prove to them that he is a SICK RAPIST BASTARD.
He is a truly sick person.
What he made me do....
And he knew I didn't want to...
Who knows, he might just admit it. He doesn't really deny it, he's generally pretty good about admitting that HE fucked up our marriage.

user banned 2 kids; Hamilton, Ontario 19220 posts
29th Dec '12
Quoting Ҿɲȶ:" That is a very good point, thanks ladies. I still don't know how I'm going to prove to them that ... [snip!] ... he might just admit it. He doesn't really deny it, he's generally pretty good about admitting that HE fucked up our marriage. "


if you're still with him......try and get him on tape.

Ozknativmama 17 kids; Fayetteville, Arkansas 2661 posts
29th Dec '12
Quoting Shannonsfirst:" if you're still with him......try and get him on tape."


He knows I'm watching for him to do something now. He's been cooperative lately. It sucks. :? Because he knows I'm going to try to win full custody.



We don't have sex anymore, if thats what you mean. I don't get anywhere close to him. Gross.

user banned 2 kids; Hamilton, Ontario 19220 posts
29th Dec '12
Quoting Ҿɲȶ:" He knows I'm watching for him to do something now. He's been cooperative lately. It sucks. :? Because ... [snip!] ... to try to win full custody. We don't have sex anymore, if thats what you mean. I don't get anywhere close to him. Gross. "



no, I mean voice recorded. Like in a conversation. Most cell phones have voice recording option.

Ozknativmama 17 kids; Fayetteville, Arkansas 2661 posts
29th Dec '12
Quoting Shannonsfirst:" no, I mean voice recorded. Like in a conversation. Most cell phones have voice recording option."


Hmmmm Mine doesn't but I could get a tape recorder I guess.

LolaMcKitten Due May 30 (girl); 27 kids; Beverly Hills, California 15496 posts
29th Dec '12
Quoting Ҿɲȶ:" Hmmmm Mine doesn't but I could get a tape recorder I guess. "


Be sure to speak on the tape in the conversation as well. As far as I know, the only way tapes are admissible and legal is if you are "part" of the conversation you are recording, you can't use a secretly taped statement from someone else as proof.......blah, I'm in a really nasty custody battle, this is what I was told by my lawyer, but I would ask a cop, honestly. (I know you don't like them, i do not either, but I think that you will likely need to just have a conversation with one, it's not fun, but it could be very helpful.)