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user banned 1 child; Illinois 3734 posts
31st Dec '12
Quoting Kimber-lily:" Nothing wrong with being 40 and TTC. As long as they know the risks then why not?.. I do find that TLC ... [snip!] ... ETA: No I don't think I would TTC 40+... I'm 23 and I had a tubal last year, it would make things a bit difficult. lol"


WHAT

justanothamotha Due January 20; 130 kids; Climax, Michigan 5120 posts
31st Dec '12

What are your thoughts on people 40+ ttc a child?
If they wanna go for it - it's fine with me.
Do you look at a man having another child at 50 vs a women differently? Is one more socially acceptable or "right"
Depends. A very fit & healthy 50 yr old woman can likely do it without issue....but it still remains that she has to carry a baby. Now if two 50 yr olds hired a surrogate THEN you'd be talking about totally equal footing, otherwise there will always be more concern for mom's age than dad's age - although men aging effects risks too. Then sometimes having an older dad is good - it may mean you'll live a longer life. (read here).
Do you think the pros of being an older parent, outweigh the cons?
If the parents are healthy & have a reasonable ability to keep up, then yes in general...but each case is different.
Would you try for a child at 40+?
Sure, assuming my health doesn't change.

Do you think there should be an age limit on ART? I have no opinion on that.




Interestingly enough - having kids at an older age actually expands life expectancy. I am trying to link a PDF here...if it does not work & someone else knows how- feel free to point me in the right direction.



http://www.google.com/url?sa=t&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&source=web&cd=9&ved=0CGoQFjAI&url=http%3A%2F%2Fanson.ucdavis.edu%2F~mueller%2FFrCanpdf.pdf&ei=xjHhULzcN6eS2AX8hYHoDw&usg=AFQjCNEkjSc9kgD2fT7jePiRqJpFkyX3xg&bvm=bv.1355534169,d.b2I



It won't let me do it as a real link, but if highlighted & you click on open in new window, it worked for me...sorry, best I can do.

~*~Modern*Day*Delilah~*~ 17 kids; Connecticut 15826 posts
31st Dec '12
Quoting Monkey Nuts:" What are your thoughts on people 40+ ttc a child? Do you look at a man having another child at 50 vs ... [snip!] ... being an older parent, outweigh the cons? Would you try for a child at 40+? Do you think there should be an age limit on ART?"


I wouldn't have a child past 35 (if I could help it) personally, BUT, I certainly don't think it's wrong or bad to TTC at 40+. However, the older the woman is, the more risky her pregnancy will be...so in that respect, it would make me very nervous.



As for thinking about the male and female differently, I do. Men don't really have any potential problems in this area because they aren't the ones who have to carry the baby...the woman is....and if she's nearing menopause or she's getting physically weaker- etc- it will be very hard on her. The man doesn't ever have to go through anything physically (Except during conception), so the woman is always the one to suffer.



And I read a study not too long ago (I'll look for it in my bookmarks), and the study was on age differences and conception. It was said that a relationship with a 15 year age difference- the man being older- is IDEAL for conception in couples. It was just one study, but I can certainly see how that would be the case. Pretty interesting :)

TheNuge 1 child; Pennsylvania 22820 posts
31st Dec '12
Quoting Monkey Nuts:" What are your thoughts on people 40+ ttc a child? Do you look at a man having another child at 50 vs ... [snip!] ... being an older parent, outweigh the cons? Would you try for a child at 40+? Do you think there should be an age limit on ART?"


After multiple rounds of IVF, my husband and i had our LO via an egg donor. I had just turned 43 at delivery. Because the egg was from a 27 y/o and i was healthy my pregnancy was not considered high-risk.
The day-to-day reality of being an older parent from a physical standpoint is nearly the same for both younger and older parents. Most people in their 40s and 50s are capable and have the energy for keeping up with a young child.
The big downside is happens later in life. My parents are a big part of my life and i love that. When my daugher is my current age, she wont have us and she wont have siblings. We do everything we can right now to maximize her sense of "future family" via cousins and we do lots of playdates to help her with being an only child.

From a resource standpoint, there is no comparison for MOST older couples compared with very young couples (not those couple in the middle). From a stability standpoint, older couples have more to offer there, as well.

So, as with everything in life, there are important trade-offs.

The Bear and The Bird 2 kids; Vantaa, Finland 42577 posts
31st Dec '12

Not really any of my concern. As long as they're capable of providing, idgaf.



I want to be done by my 30's though.

Back to Noob Status Ohio 14048 posts
31st Dec '12

I would never TTC at forty because of the health risks and increased chances of having a kid with DS, but I don't see forty as being "too old" to TTC. However, when my aunt came forward at church and revealed that at nearly 45 years old she wanted a fourth baby, I couldn't help but shake my head. Why put yourself at risk when you have three beautiful healthy kids who need you? I could see doing it for a first child but a fourth? No. Just no.

Kimber-lily Due September 27; 4 kids; Nova Scotia 28962 posts
31st Dec '12

<blockquote><b>Quoting baby mama bunny:</b>" WHAT"</blockquote>




Why are you yellin?

Amelia [26 wks Boy!] Due July 20; 4 angel babies; Tallahassee, Florida 14364 posts
31st Dec '12
Quoting TheNuge:" After multiple rounds of IVF, my husband and i had our LO via an egg donor. I had just turned 43 at ... [snip!] ... standpoint, older couples have more to offer there, as well. So, as with everything in life, there are important trade-offs."


That surprises me. Just my age and IVF were enough to have me referred to a peri. So glad it went well for you.



I'm with you on worries about future family for my child. I won't be able to have more than one baby but we want very much for him or her to have a sibling. It's a lot to consider. Surrogacy and adoption bring their own challenges and expense. I also regret that my child won't likely become old enough to appreciate my parents because they are such incredible people. My dad is 77 and my mom 63. Although both are incredibly healthy, fit and ACTIVE for their ages. I'm hopeful they will still have a quality relationship with their grandchild.

TheNuge 1 child; Pennsylvania 22820 posts
31st Dec '12
Quoting Amelia Margaret:" That surprises me. Just my age and IVF were enough to have me referred to a peri. So glad it went well ... [snip!] ... healthy, fit and ACTIVE for their ages. I'm hopeful they will still have a quality relationship with their grandchild."


I hope things work out for you and your husband. It was a long road for us but very worth it.

-Kaysay- 2 kids; Italy 5611 posts
31st Dec '12

My brother and SIL are in their 40s and have a 2-year-old and she is pregnant again. They are healthier than anyone I know. She is a chiropractor, yoga instructor, and they both bleed extreme healthy eating. They had a lot they wanted to accomplish before having children, so I think it's great.



My dad was 50 when I was born, he was and still is a great father. I don't think age has much to do with parenting.

sillygirltracyb_caius1222 4 kids; North Richland Hills, Texas 610 posts
31st Dec '12

Also another point no one has brought up.. many parents in their 20s and 30s have not settled down.. from a social aspect. My first kids twins were born when I was 26 /2 wks short of 27 and then 28. After going thru divorce by 30 I was into the clubs and bar scene. Money wasn't an issue so I was dropping money on sitters on the wknd etc. If divorce were to happen again in 40s after another child or pregnancy I can say 100% that I would not be out in the clubs or getting sitters like in my late 20s early 30s.



I know a lot of parents that do the same thing whether married or divorced. Dont know anyone now in their 40s that does that. So to me.. thats one pro of a more mature person who is likely over 40 versus 20s 30s.



This is not applicable to everyone but the question is a generalization anyway. I have expressed to my kids who are now 13 13 12 that knowing what I know now I would encourage them to wait until 30s to get married or have kids.

Kimber-lily Due September 27; 4 kids; Nova Scotia 28962 posts
31st Dec '12

<blockquote><b>Quoting sillygirltracyb_caius1222:</b>" Also another point no one has brought up.. many parents in their 20s and 30s have not settled down.. ... [snip!] ... my kids who are now 13 13 12 that knowing what I know now I would encourage them to wait until 30s to get married or have kids."</blockquote>




Wierd. I don't know any 20 -30 yearold moms who go out on weekends. Maybe you were lucky to be able to afford those sitters so you could go party. Lol.

justanothamotha Due January 20; 130 kids; Climax, Michigan 5120 posts
31st Dec '12
Quoting Kimber-lily:" <blockquote><b>Quoting sillygirltracyb_caius1222:</b>" Also another point no one has ... [snip!] ... 20 -30 yearold moms who go out on weekends. Maybe you were lucky to be able to afford those sitters so you could go party. Lol."

Really? Every mom I can think of that I know under 25 goes out on weekends at least 2x a month single or not....single ones often because kids are with dad, so it's not a matter of not being with the kids, the kids aren't home anyway. Maybe it's an income thing? I can't say as I don't know. I also know plenty over 25 that do that too...but I only know of one couple that is over 35 that goes out that often. Personally I go out a few times a year, maybe...and that has only been recent. I am lame as hell.

Kimber-lily Due September 27; 4 kids; Nova Scotia 28962 posts
31st Dec '12
Quoting justanothamotha:" Really? Every mom I can think of that I know under 25 goes out on weekends at least 2x a month single ... [snip!] ... 35 that goes out that often. Personally I go out a few times a year, maybe...and that has only been recent. I am lame as hell."


Me too, I only go out a few times a year as well. Last time I 'lived it up', SO and I went to his sisters house and we played board games while all the kids played together... lol. woooo.

The Bear and The Bird 2 kids; Vantaa, Finland 42577 posts
31st Dec '12
Quoting sillygirltracyb_caius1222:" Also another point no one has brought up.. many parents in their 20s and 30s have not settled down.. ... [snip!] ... my kids who are now 13 13 12 that knowing what I know now I would encourage them to wait until 30s to get married or have kids."


I'm really not seeing how what a parent chooses to do at night when the kids are asleep has anything to do with them not being as good of parents as anyone else.