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Ugh, I Need To Vent. WWYD? Bri + 1.5 <3 Due October 20 (girl); 1 child; Florida 4344 posts
31st Dec '12

Some of you already know bits & pieces of this story, but my SO has ansomnia. Therefor, he stays up all throughout the night & goes to bed at a ridiculous hour, like 7am. He uses that as an excuse to slack off during the day. He got laid off months ago & hasn't done hardly anything to find a job. He put in a few online applications, which usually don't get you anywhere anyways. Today he was suppose to actually go to two places, one was to talk to someone about a job & the other was to fill out an application. Well, he is asleep...his alarm went off an hour ago. He told me to shut it off, he wasn't going because he got an hour of sleep. His lack of motivation is starting to piss me the f**k off. We have a family now. We live with his sick mother & her husband, I help out the best I can. I buy food & clean the house. My aunt is working on her house & going to let is rent to own it as soon as it's ready. I'm excited, but losing hope that we will ever get to move because we won't be able to afford it. On top of that we have a POS car, that breaks down every other week. He was suppose to get the stuff to fix it, but instead spent his money on a Playstation card. Not a big deal when I thought he was going to be out looking for a job today...but now it just pisses me off to even think about. I know he has sleeping issues, that's why I have been being so patient. But our son is 3 weeks old today & he still isn't even close to motivated. Idk what to do anymore. I have tried to talk to him about it & he says he feels bad, he will wake up super early regaurdless of how much sleep he gets, if any & get on the ball. But every day, this same thing happens. I have a job working a the nursery at a church, but I can't go back to work until I am 6 weeks PP because I have to pick up toddlers & my boss is super over protective, even though I tell her I can do ot, she acts like my mom & won't let me. I just know with me being the only one working, moving out is no option. What would you say to him? How would you get him motivated? I don't want to be like, do this or I will leave you, because I know I won't. I am just so sick of worrying all the time. TIA, any advice helps.




**Sorry it's so long**

Blythe. 1 child; Indiana 22065 posts
31st Dec '12

sounds like he needs to get off the playstation and get a job. I would get rid of it

Vile Tramp 2 kids; New York 32363 posts
31st Dec '12

He sounds like he has depression, to be honest.



Insomnia can be a tell tale sign of depression, so is lack of motivation. I mean the motivation could also just be laziness, but I'm going to be an optimist here.



He may feel like he's stuck in a hopeless situation he has no control over, so he refuses to put in the effort to fix it.



My ex husband went through this. He lost all interest in ANYTHING he once enjoyed, couldn't sleep at all, and would blow money on stupid shit to try to make him happy, it never worked.



I would ask him if he feels depressed and go from there.

The Dandelion Rapist 18 kids; New Mexico 6885 posts
31st Dec '12
Quoting Blythe.:" sounds like he needs to get off the playstation and get a job. I would get rid of it"


I was thinking something similar.

Bri + 1.5 <3 Due October 20 (girl); 1 child; Florida 4344 posts
31st Dec '12

<blockquote><b>Quoting Blythe.:</b>" sounds like he needs to get off the playstation and get a job. I would get rid of it"</blockquote>




I really want to. If we get to the point where we need money bad enough I will & his tv too. Family comes first.

Bri + 1.5 <3 Due October 20 (girl); 1 child; Florida 4344 posts
31st Dec '12

<blockquote><b>Quoting Penises 3:Vaginas 1:</b>" He sounds like he has depression, to be honest. Insomnia can be a tell tale sign of depression, so ... [snip!] ... money on stupid shit to try to make him happy, it never worked. I would ask him if he feels depressed and go from there. "</blockquote>




That could be very possible. We had an issue with that in the past. But he says that since the baby has been here he has never been happier. I kind of don't believe that though, considering the way he has been acting. I am going to try to talk to him. But sometimes, it's like talking to a child...

Vile Tramp 2 kids; New York 32363 posts
31st Dec '12
Quoting Colton's Mommy ♥:" <blockquote><b>Quoting Penises 3:Vaginas 1:</b>" He sounds like he has depression, ... [snip!] ... considering the way he has been acting. I am going to try to talk to him. But sometimes, it's like talking to a child..."



I know. I really do. When my ex husband was going through it ( still is but he's not my "problem" anymore.) I literally had to talk to him like a child. Like what's wrong? Why does THAT make you upset? How can WE fix this? kind of thing.

The Dandelion Rapist 18 kids; New Mexico 6885 posts
31st Dec '12
Quoting Penises 3:Vaginas 1:" I know. I really do. When my ex husband was going through it ( still is but he's not my "problem" ... [snip!] ... had to talk to him like a child. Like what's wrong? Why does THAT make you upset? How can WE fix this? kind of thing. "


It can also be a never ending battle.



I have been going through the same thing for the past couple of months. A couple of weeks ago, I hit an all time low while DH was at work.



I couldn't even face him to talk to him about it because of how ashamed I felt.



I didn't actually talk to him until it was dark and he couldn't see my face.

Bri + 1.5 <3 Due October 20 (girl); 1 child; Florida 4344 posts
31st Dec '12

<blockquote><b>Quoting Penises 3:Vaginas 1:</b>" I know. I really do. When my ex husband was going through it ( still is but he's not my "problem" ... [snip!] ... had to talk to him like a child. Like what's wrong? Why does THAT make you upset? How can WE fix this? kind of thing. "</blockquote>




If that's what I have to do, I will. He is an amazing father & boyfriend over all. I don't want something like this to break us. I try not to get to upset with him. That's why I vent here, so that when he wakes up I have it out of my system & I don't be rude to him. It's so hard to put on a happy face all the time though, when there is so much I want to say to him. I just know if I do, I will probably be overly emotional about it.

Kelly+Brandon=Blake 1 child; Maryland 1260 posts
31st Dec '12
Quoting The Dandelion Rapist:" It can also be a never ending battle. I have been going through the same thing for the past couple ... [snip!] ... to him about it because of how ashamed I felt. I didn't actually talk to him until it was dark and he couldn't see my face. "


Me too...I hit a low the other night after a dumb arguement we had and I felt like everyone was better off without me, I just wanted something to take me and my craziness away. I brought it up like a joke when my friend was over, never told SO before it, and was like "yeah, I was in a really mood. Some reason I felt like shit and just wanted to die, like I sucked at life and felt I brought more pain than happiness". It sucks you can't exactly control the emotions and thoughts, for me its a up and down thing. And, I would NEVER be able to kill myself..no balls for that shit lol. Sorry, just glad to know I'm not the only one out there with issues haha

Minion Due September 30 (girl); 2 kids; ., GA, United States 21212 posts
31st Dec '12

When he can't sleep, is it when he's laying down in the bed and just stays awake laying there all night or is he up and doing stuff like the internet, video games, TV, etc?
If he's up and doing stuff and he can't sleep, it might be the problem. If I'm on the internet or whatever I can very easily stay up all night too, but I don't have insomnia.
My mom has insomnia and she can lay in bed all night without doing anything and still can't sleep.
Maybe you can suggest that one night when he's up all night, to NOT go to sleep when he's tired and stay up until bedtime. He might just need to work on getting his days and nights straightened out.

Kelly+Brandon=Blake 1 child; Maryland 1260 posts
31st Dec '12

Btw OP is does sound like he could have depression, the ansomnia, lack or motivation and all that...definite signs. He could be happier since the baby was born but depression can be a very hard struggle, I'm not the type to let things bring me down but sometimes depression kicks my ass and can be very up and down. IF he says he feels depressed, encourage to talk to a doctor to try some medication for a little while (not to depend on but to get him out of his funk and ween off)- I've heard good things about vyvanse...actually going to talk to my doctor about trying it. Apparently, it's somewhat like "coke"? lol but not coke...anyways, a happy pill that gives you energy (which I need because I've stopped doing alot of things I used to do, and makes every day chores hard to get myself to get done) Good luck, keep posted! :)

The Dandelion Rapist 18 kids; New Mexico 6885 posts
31st Dec '12
Quoting Kelly+Brandon=Blake:" Me too...I hit a low the other night after a dumb arguement we had and I felt like everyone was better ... [snip!] ... be able to kill myself..no balls for that shit lol. Sorry, just glad to know I'm not the only one out there with issues haha"


That's pretty much the same low I hit.



I was contemplating taking the rest of my Trazadone (What was left of it) along with a full prescription of Ambien. The only thing that stopped me was that my husband wasn't due home for a couple of hours, and I wasn't going to allow my children to witness something like that.

Kelly+Brandon=Blake 1 child; Maryland 1260 posts
31st Dec '12
Quoting The Dandelion Rapist:" That's pretty much the same low I hit. I was contemplating taking the rest of my Trazadone (What was ... [snip!] ... that my husband wasn't due home for a couple of hours, and I wasn't going to allow my children to witness something like that. "


Yeah my son will pull me out of it temporarily but that night it was late and he was sleeping as was SO, thank goodness because I just needed to cry and let it out, then pass out from exhaustion and I was fine when I woke up. It's so frustrating, I need to see a doctor. It's just not all the time, but more frequently than I think it should be, ya know?

The Dandelion Rapist 18 kids; New Mexico 6885 posts
31st Dec '12
Quoting Kelly+Brandon=Blake:" Yeah my son will pull me out of it temporarily but that night it was late and he was sleeping as was ... [snip!] ... so frustrating, I need to see a doctor. It's just not all the time, but more frequently than I think it should be, ya know?"


Oh trust me, I know.



I have been telling DH since like August that I think I need to see a therapist.



It's like when I mentioned it, he was too proud or something, so he wouldn't hear of it. Then in October I finally freaked out on him. It was enough to per sway him to understand the importance of it.



The therapist told me to go see a doctor to make sure there wasn't something internally wrong.



My doctor put me on Trazadone for my insomnia, but I asked her to switch it because I didn't like it. So now I am on Ambien for my insomnia, and Celexa for my depression. The Celexa is finally starting to take affect on me.