Cast Your Vote:
- Forgive if told right away -- Votes: 10
- Forgive if found out on own -- Votes: 1
- Wont forgive. Cheating is unforgivable. -- Votes: 26
- Other - explain -- Votes: 18
Initially, I'd have to leave.
I wouldn't even be able to look him in the face without imagining him having sex with another woman. The entire situation would be intolerable.
Whether or not I decide I want to eventually work it out would depend on the circumstances surrounding the affair
Getting to this late but DH cheated on me for over 6 months with two different females. (one was just emotional but it was his ex and the other was both physical and emotional) I knew but didn't have evidence and he didn't tell me right away. I had to find out on my own THEN he admitted it. More lying about it went on for another 6 months. I ended up forgiving him but only fairly recently. It took me over two years to finally get over all of it.
I hate to think about it and I trust my husband and I know he would never cheat on me, but I don't think I would consider it over if he did. It would very much depend on the circumstances. If he went out looking to cheat, I would be less likely to forgive him. If it was a moment of vulnerability, I would probably forgive him. I don't think cheating is the absolute worst thing someone can do in a relationship and I wouldn't throw away my marriage over it. I would definitely leave, spend some time thinking about it, letting it be known that I won't just stick around through that, but if he was sincerely apologetic and remorseful about his actions, then I would go back to him. My ideology is forgive but don't forget. That way you can be prepared if you start seeing the red flags that he may be doing it again. I also don't agree that once a cheater always a cheater.
But! As far as he knows, if he ever cheated on me I would leave ASAP. lol.
I'm a firm believer that you won't know what you would really do, until you find yourself in the position.
With that said, I used to always say if he cheated I'd be gone. 5 years later, we were married & had two young kids. We went through a lot of drama and dealt with infidelity on both sides. We separated & were headed for divorce early 2012. Being apart made us realize how much love is still there, and we decided to give it another shot. Things have been reaaaally good since we reconciled. We started with a clean slate & even though it's been a hard road...I'm glad we took it. :) Having come so close to losing something so important has made the both of us really cherish it. It's something we should have done from the very beginning but we can't go back in time... Instead we learned from it all & are giving it everything we have now.
On February 9 (the day we separated last year) we will be going out to dinner & afterward burning the divorce papers I had filed. We're symbolically erasing our past. 2013 has started off just right for us.
Quoting breezy l0ve ♥:" I'm a firm believer that you won't know what you would really do, until you find yourself in the position. ... [snip!] ... afterward burning the divorce papers I had filed. We're symbolically erasing our past. 2013 has started off just right for us."
I completely understand starting over with a clean slate. When my DH (then boyfriend) cheated on me I was so done and ready to go. We separated and when we were apart we realized how much we still loved one another and now we're going on seven years.
I'm happy you and your DH were able to make things work. Enjoy you're new year together :)
<blockquote><b>Quoting ℳonster's ℳom:</b>" I completely understand starting over with a clean slate. When my DH (then boyfriend) cheated on me ... [snip!] ... and now we're going on seven years. I'm happy you and your DH were able to make things work. Enjoy you're new year together :)"</blockquote>
Thank you. :) We've been together 7.5 years, married 3.5 years. We hit rock bottom last year, we're really lucky to have this new beginning.
We entered into this relationship with the agreement that cheating is the one thong that will not be forgiven.
I believe in second chances so I'd forgive. Never forget. Keep my guard up but still work in building the trust back. Make sure I make it clear that it'll be the first and last time I forgive.
I'm late but I can only speak about what I will do in the future and what I did in the past.
My ex husband was a serial cheater. It started when I was pregnant with our youngest son, probably before that to be honest. but that was the FIRST time I found out about it. He told me right away what happened and I forgave him, we got tested and moved on. Next time I found out he was cheating it has happened MONTHS prior to me finding out. How I found out, was he was also cheating on me with another girl found out about HER, and then found out about the girl prior to her. Fast forward to recently,in May of last year (2012) we separated because he was pursuing another girl. He was straight up with me about it, and we separated for about a month, he went did his thing with her, and then came running back, and I took him back. Now on Thanksgiving I found out he was cheating again, and he admitted to cheating on me with a lot of girls... And by a lot I mean more then 20 less then 40. Him and this girl are now engaged...
^^ Now THIS will shape how I handle cheating. I will NEVER except cheating as the norm again. Ever. I put myself through that for 5 years and allowed him to walk all over me ( he was verbally abusive and controlling). I will NEVER EVER put myself in that situation again. I regret it staying for so long because I believe it when he said " I'd never find anyone" and " No one ever loved me." " I was a nobody who would had nothing without him.". I firmly believe that MOST ( not all) people who cheat can be summed up as " Once a cheater always a cheater."
I'd like to say not to forgive, but from an outside perspective, it's only so easy to say that. It's not just about your kids seeing you as a push over, it's also about your sanity. If you've been cheated on, it could definitely compromise how you are as a mother even if you're doing it subconsciously. I had a boyfriend once who I caught cheating all the time, so I would retaliate by cheating back on him. Of course, even though I wanted him to, he never caught me. But it still took a toll on my trust and most of all my self esteem. I never thought I would be good enough for him.
Never the less, I think every relationship has problems. I think it's how you deal with them that could either make or break you. I'd be a liar to tell you that Josh and I haven't had a fight about any other thing you could think of, or have thought about whether it would be best for the kids if we split up. I've been a push over in many other things, but I definitely wouldn't leave Josh over something like that. When I stop and think, I know I wouldn't want to spend my life with anyone else but josh. I couldn't imagine my life without him.
So to answer your question, I would forgive either way. But I would still be REALLY mad. That I do know.
<blockquote><b>Quoting ℳary ℐane:</b>" "We have a family" Sounds like an excuse to let them be dogs. I am no one's bitch. lol I am my children's role model, and being with someone who disrespects me is not setting a good example."</blockquote>
I disagree. I think forgiveness is a very good, deep lesson. It is the ultimate act of kindness.
That's not to say that a person SHOULD stay with a cheating spouse. It's a completely valid reason to leave someone.
However, forgiveness is not a sign of weakness. It's actually a wonderful sign of strength. Staying in a relationship and healing from it signifies a deep understanding of what love is. It's loving someone who isn't, at least at that moment, lovABLE.
If your child cheated on their spouse, wouldn't you still forgive and love them?
Of course. People make mistakes. Big ones.
I don't know. I had a time in my life where I would have said I was out immediately - but we have a LOT of years now. A lot. So I'd have to think if it happened now it might be something worth salvaging & something that could be repaired. I can't swear I'd be willing to work on it, but I might.
Well I was cheated on bout 7 months back while pregnant with my son. I left completely heart broken, so hurt felt like not only did he hurt me but our baby too...all I wanted was my little family was so sorry that my little boy wouldnt have his parents together. He wouldnt admit it at first but after I left he did. Time passed he was sorry..I missed him like crazy so I decided to come back to work things out. We have a home together and I decided to forgive him...its been three months since I came back..I had my beautiful son on nov. 26...well long story short I have no trust for him at all..lots of times I think about leaving him...im tring to forget but for me its hard I know I deserve better at the same time im tring not to be selfish he rlly is a good dad and loves his son. So here I am I forgave but its like its not the same...I adored him and is the only man I have ever been with that I was actually in love with. I still love him but its not the same love..Im just going to give it time. I guess when you trust someone so much and they break it its completely gone....over time I mayb it will come back
Quoting ~Julie Blue Eyes~:" <blockquote><b>Quoting ℳary ℐane:</b>" "We have a family" Sounds like an ... [snip!] ... If your child cheated on their spouse, wouldn't you still forgive and love them? Of course. People make mistakes. Big ones."
Exactly. It takes a lot to be able to forgive somebody, especially the one you love the most.
Besides, betrayal can come in so many forms. I feel like love is something you work for. I mean, that's my opinion anyway.
Quoting Butterfly Guns:" Exactly. It takes a lot to be able to forgive somebody, especially the one you love the most. Besides, ... [snip!] ... Besides, betrayal can come in so many forms. I feel like love is something you work for. I mean, that's my opinion anyway. "
It really is though. Love doesn't come without sacrifices or work. The best relationships can usually work through anything if two parties are willing to work at it.