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Being the bigger person ADVICE please!! Little Richard's mommie! Due July 12 (boy); 1 child; Seneca, South Carolina 4293 posts
2nd Jan '13

So I feel stuck in between a hard place and a rock. My SO's family or rather sister and I do NOT get along because of an event of words and threats made caused from an arguement between my SO and I at the beginning of November. Before this arguement between her and I, we were pretty close, and we got along awesome. She was basically like a sister to me, and she was there for me in my pregnancy since day 1 up until this happened when I would have been like 20 or so weeks. SO and I got into and we had a bad falling out and almost didn't work through things we didn't really speak much for like 3 weeks which sucked but it did help our relationship. But she and I had began an arguement over facebook messages right after he and I had agreed not to really talk to one another. She threw threats my way and I through threats her way nothing like I will kill you threats just stupid childish ones. I now feel like i was very childish for the way I acted, which I am sure she doesn't care. After some of the things that she said I honestly don't care much about whether we speak again or not. Ok so here is my question after another small paragraph. I left to visit family for 3 weeks in Kansas from South Carolina. He stayed here and watched our house and worked while I took a good needed vacation. I got back via plane last night. He came and got me, we went home and spent a little time "romantic" time together.Weknocked out for the night and woke up early for my doctor's appt. Well today when he and i got back, I figured we would have spent some time together since we didn't actual spend time together last night, but we did have our long awaited "fun". But I was wrong he asked me first thing when we walk in the door you don't want to go with me to Maranda's do you? He knows how I feel and how she feels (if she still can't stand me that is). I asked are you going to go and stay for a little while or just go and get what you need and come back? He said I am going over to visit for a minute and see Katelyn(his almost 2 year old niece). After the arguement between her and I she never actual said i wasn't welcome at her house but she made it clear she wanted nothing to do with me. So I said no since I don't want to go around someone who doesn't want me around, which I feel like would be sort of understandable. I got a little hurt that he just left right when we got back since he was just going to go straight to work after he got back from her house, but I didn't argue I let him go without saying much else. He then texted me telling me how she would not have cared if I went over there. And I explained how she does not like me, how she made it clear she doesn't want me around her, and how that is her house and that i would rather not go somewhere that I do not feel welcome. He kept on texting me and eventually said we (as in his sister and i) need to grow up. I have not spoken to her at all since that day. And then I preceeded to tell him that I deserve an apology to not just her that she was wrong too. I don't want to be the one to just go and say "Oh Maranda I am sorry, can we call it truths and put it behind us". But the only thing is this is a very important issue to my SO, and I love him and understand where he comes from but I don't know if it's right for him to say I need to do all of the work in the situation of "fixing or pulling truths" with his sister. He wants all of us to get along again especially for the sake that he wants his niece to have a relationship with me (which I adore that little girl) and for our son to have a relationship with his Aunt and cousin and the rest of his family when he arrives in 9 or so weeks. What should I do? Would you step up and apologize and do all the work or would you feel the same as I do? Sorry it's so long I just feel stuck. Oh and by the way my SO never keeps on about something UNLESS it is very important to him, and this is apparently VERY important to him.

loser mom 2 kids; 1 angel baby; GoShox!, KS, United States 9245 posts
status 2nd Jan '13

uh yeah, be the bigger person... suck it up and apologize.

*A&N's Mama* 2 kids; Halifax, Nova Scotia 4627 posts
2nd Jan '13

I think you both are being childish. Be the bigger person & apologize. How do you think your DH feels? You're both putting him in an awkward position

The Dandelion Rapist 18 kids; New Mexico 6885 posts
2nd Jan '13

I would let bygones be bygones.



Explain to her that what happens between you and your SO is between you and him, and there shouldn't have been a feud between you and your SIL to begin with.




Then casually ask if you guys can move on from this.

Onalee's Mummy Due August 26 (boy); 1 child; Newcastle, Australia 5355 posts
2nd Jan '13

Suck it up. Apologise. Forget about it

*mommy to 3* Due March 7 (girl); 2 kids; Virginia 1167 posts
2nd Jan '13

I would suck it up and apologize since ya'll were close before this. And if you really think you deserve an apology too maybe say something like "I'm really sorry for our fight and how childish I acted. I think we both said/did some things out of anger that we didnt mean, but I'd really like to put it all behind us now and move forward". That leaves the door open for her to agree and apologize, without placing any blame entirely on you or her.

Little Richard's mommie! Due July 12 (boy); 1 child; Seneca, South Carolina 4293 posts
2nd Jan '13
Quoting *mommy to 3*:" I would suck it up and apologize since ya'll were close before this. And if you really think you deserve ... [snip!] ... and move forward". That leaves the door open for her to agree and apologize, without placing any blame entirely on you or her."

I like that idea of leaving the door open. I just don't want to have to do all of the work. I know it will be nothing like it was before. But I also don't want to do all of the work. I just hate it bothering the man I love so much. I don't think face to face is a very good idea since if SO goes with me which he would then I can't just leave if words began to get ugly again. Is over the computer a stupid idea? Like shooting her a message saying whatever I end up writing since that way if anything goes wrong I don't have to be right there in person and pop off since lately I am just aggravated with everyone lol.?

*mommy to 3* Due March 7 (girl); 2 kids; Virginia 1167 posts
2nd Jan '13

i think if you feel more comfortable over the computer then it would be okay. That way you can say everything you need to without interruption and if she decides to shut you down with a nasty message back or something then you can show your SO that you tried. But I think if you also express that you value your relationship with her and would like for your kids to be involved in each others lives and how much stress this has put on your SO that she will likely want to do whats best for everyone involved and leave the past in the past also.

Little Richard's mommie! Due July 12 (boy); 1 child; Seneca, South Carolina 4293 posts
2nd Jan '13
Quoting *mommy to 3*:" i think if you feel more comfortable over the computer then it would be okay. That way you can say everything ... [snip!] ... this has put on your SO that she will likely want to do whats best for everyone involved and leave the past in the past also."


Yeah that is true, I would have proof that I tried if things went down hill. And regardless of whether she and I make up it would be nice for him to at least have 1 cousin around since the other 5 (my side of the family) are all so far away. Plus they are closest in age so it'd be nice to grow up with family. I think it would work, I just hope she doesn't try to b***h me out or something. Lord knows I will just get pissed off lol. I am going to try it I just need to unblock her first and have at it. Thanks for the advice.

*mommy to 3* Due March 7 (girl); 2 kids; Virginia 1167 posts
2nd Jan '13
Quoting Due *March 8th* w/ a boy!:" Yeah that is true, I would have proof that I tried if things went down hill. And regardless of whether ... [snip!] ... I will just get pissed off lol. I am going to try it I just need to unblock her first and have at it. Thanks for the advice."


off topic....but we are due the same day!!! Mines a girl though....I already have 2 boys. one is 6 the other is 12 mos.

Little Richard's mommie! Due July 12 (boy); 1 child; Seneca, South Carolina 4293 posts
2nd Jan '13
Quoting *mommy to 3*:" off topic....but we are due the same day!!! Mines a girl though....I already have 2 boys. one is 6 the other is 12 mos."


Hahah that is pretty awesome! :) I wanted a girl towards the end, but I am very happy with my little guy! And oh lord knows SO is very happy, he told my sister that he is glad he is having a little boy so that way he doesn't have to watch all the princess movies lol! And aww well congrats for your little girl have you chosen your name for her yet?

*mommy to 3* Due March 7 (girl); 2 kids; Virginia 1167 posts
2nd Jan '13
Quoting Due *March 8th* w/ a boy!:" Hahah that is pretty awesome! :) I wanted a girl towards the end, but I am very happy with my little ... [snip!] ... have to watch all the princess movies lol! And aww well congrats for your little girl have you chosen your name for her yet?"


NO NAME YET! and it kind of feels like we will never come to an agreement on one. I wanted something girly and my DH just wants to throw scrabble letters in a bag and see what he pulls out it seems like.

Taryn's Mommy ♥ 1 child; Green Bay, Wisconsin 1770 posts
2nd Jan '13

My "SIL" (I'm not with LO's dad anymore but I still consider his SIL mine), we have had MANY falling outs. Some tiny, and some HUGE. We have both said some pretty bad things in the heat of the moment, but after some time and cooling off we were able to get back to normal. We're still just as close as ever.



If you guys were close before, you can get over this. You need to apologize, be the bigger person, and make things right. Hopefully she'll take it from you and do the same.



Good luck!! :D

Little Richard's mommie! Due July 12 (boy); 1 child; Seneca, South Carolina 4293 posts
2nd Jan '13
Quoting *mommy to 3*:" NO NAME YET! and it kind of feels like we will never come to an agreement on one. I wanted something ... [snip!] ... one. I wanted something girly and my DH just wants to throw scrabble letters in a bag and see what he pulls out it seems like."


hahah I would be like OHHHH no lol. Who chose your boys names? And something girlier is better. You should tell him girls are more sensitive about their names then guys are.

Little Richard's mommie! Due July 12 (boy); 1 child; Seneca, South Carolina 4293 posts
2nd Jan '13
Quoting Taryn's Mommy ♥:" My "SIL" (I'm not with LO's dad anymore but I still consider his SIL mine), we have had MANY falling ... [snip!] ... to apologize, be the bigger person, and make things right. Hopefully she'll take it from you and do the same. Good luck!! :D"


I mean I would like to have a person to go to when I am having baby issues since my family are 1200 miles away. So maybe she will and if not then at least I can say I tried in the end.