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Teaching "GENTLE" buddhababy 1 child; Spain 378 posts
3rd Jan '13

I've been working on the concept of gentle with my 13 month old son but having some difficulty. He throws things, hits and bites. Not to be mean, he just can't seem to control himself. I've been trying to show him how to be gentle and redirect but it doesn't seem to be working. We've been doing that for a few months and I don't know if it's time to try something else or if I should just be patient because he's still young. He's not in day care, he's with me all day but does see other kids for playgroups or his cousins sometimes. Mostly he's just doing those things to me and his father though, not other children. Advice??

homes cool TTC since May 2014; 2 kids; 2 angel babies; Indiana 61416 posts
3rd Jan '13

My son is like this, doesn't really realize his own strength...and everything he does is full force, so even his gentle is a little rough. I just am continually showing him a soft touch (I generally take the back of my hand and softly rub his cheek) and then have him do it to me, or a baby doll, or his sister...or whatever it may be. Repeat 10000000 times a day. :lol: He's two.

user banned 3 kids; Ontario 10942 posts
3rd Jan '13

Gentle is the first thing my now 4 yr old and my now 11 month old learned.



Now when 11 month old, is pulling hair or bugging the cat, I just say gentle gentle, and she stops and slowly pets the cat or her sister (when pulling her sisters hair) lol



I started with gentle around 6 months old with both kids.



It takes time,

thisunrest India 10364 posts
3rd Jan '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting buddhababy:</b>" I've been working on the concept of gentle with my 13 month old son but having some difficulty. He throws ... [snip!] ... or his cousins sometimes. Mostly he's just doing those things to me and his father though, not other children. Advice??"</blockquote>




With my niece, I say the word "gentle " while touching her arm or cheek lightly, so as to show her what I mean. I've done this with her since she started crawling because I have a cat that likes to lay near her and I don't want her to hurt him or get bitten. She'll reach out to pet him, I"ll say "Gentle!" and stroke her face, and she" ll lightly touch my cat and then turn and look at me and smile.



Sometimes finding a way to demonstrate what you mean helps.

Peyton'sMommy♥ 1 child; Springfield, Ohio 16811 posts
4th Jan '13

With Peyton I read a method online about teaching to be gentle and it worked.
He will occasionally still hit, bite, pinch but it's a lot less than before. I take his hands and tell him no, soft touches. Then I tell him Mommy loves him and that he needs to be nice to Mommy. It works, Peyton is only 17 months and I started it around 14 months.

Mrs. Daniel 1 child; California 547 posts
4th Jan '13

It's really good that you are teaching the word gentle and not just saying "no, bad, or stop". Being as clear as possible is important. I'm not sure how you are showing him, but if you're not already, put your hand over his and re-do whatever it is he just did, and say "soft hands" or gentle. Also, try to be simple and clear if be hurts someone or something. Tell him, "that hurts, and I don't like it."

buddhababy 1 child; Spain 378 posts
4th Jan '13
Quoting Trisa Daniel:" It's really good that you are teaching the word gentle and not just saying "no, bad, or stop". Being ... [snip!] ... or gentle. Also, try to be simple and clear if be hurts someone or something. Tell him, "that hurts, and I don't like it.""


Thanks, I feel bad though because I actually do say "no" a lot. Usually, "no, please" and then tell him what I'm saying no to. Not that he can understand my explanation now but it's good practice I guess. I think I'm going to need to get a book on discipline for toddlers because I've no idea how to go about it.

Mrs. Daniel 1 child; California 547 posts
5th Jan '13

Please is a word you use when someone is doing you a favor. And being kind and gentle is not a favor, it's expected. And the reason you don't want to keep saying no is because it invites a power stuggle. I have a degree in child development and we use a lot of "positive discipline". I recommend Jane nelsen if you are going to read a book. There is a lot of crap out there, beware! If something doesn't feel right, trust your mommy instincts and don't do it. Best of luck to you!

buddhababy 1 child; Spain 378 posts
6th Jan '13

Thanks so much for the recommendation, I will look her up! What you're saying makes a lot of sense, I appreciate it. I know discipline is tricky so I definitely want to learn more productive techniques. :)